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The Late Night Coming Home
| Open Poetry #1 |
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The Late Night Coming Home |
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Deja_Nicole New Member
since 1999-07-14
Posts 1Gustavus, US |
Across the bridge, I walk to my house, Across the stret, heading home From the right, to the left Across a green pasture-like meadow, Not still brilliantly colored, With blossoms of various type I wander in the cold night, Across another street, now closer To the road that will take me home. Across a smaller grassy patch, Lights are becoming visible. Across another road, I head north, Listening to the wind scream in my face, Numbing it. Across the misty night The cold surrounds me, I shiver. Across my final way, towards my destination I can hear the wind whispering my name, Forewarning me, guiding me, Amongst the sound of dogs howling. Across my yard I glide, awaiting something, Though my mind cannot comprehend, Exactly what I am waiting for. I creep up my wooden stairs, Creek, creek, creek Across my porch, I keep my eyes closed For the vivid light is becoming brighter, Blinding me with luminous accounts. I can feel the doorknob now, Its ice-like metal surface warmed, By the magical touch of my hand. I slowly begin to turn the doorknob, Something inside my gut tell me to go on I feel anxiety in the pit of my stomach, I shiver, then turn the knob all around, And push... The creaking sound, making me freeze, Sweat drips down my forehead, But I am not wet. My eyes still closed, I let myself in Once inside, I shut the door, Allowing my moist hand to release themselves From the heated, sticky doorknob. I open my eyes, letting my heart settle I hear a voice, deep in tone. It was all over, I knew I had been subjugated, there was no escaping The dreadful beast staring at me, It gives me a look of anger, Then turns, and walks away. The lights go out, and relief is present. I am safe for now, time morning comes, I will have to face my fears, Not this time though, So I begin walking Across my living room and into my room. I turn out my lights and go to sleep, Forgetting about the dangers, That I had felt that night. Next time, I will try the window!!! -Deja Nicole Barrier- [This message has been edited by Deja_Nicole (edited 07-14-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Deja_Nicole - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Dear new poster, We are happy to have you join us and, by the length of this piece of writing, you are obviously dedicated to writing. With that thought in mind and in the hopes that one of the reasons you have joined us is to learn and improve, hopefully I am not out of line in suggesting the following. The spelling could use a lot of improvement. Also, one of the reasons poetry exists is to push us to use words in poetic, or creative ways, such as unique ways to create images or figures of speech. This, I feel, is lacking. The word "across" is used eleven times. That is quite across to bear. If you are satisfied with your writing, then I am out of line and you will continue along your way. If, however, you would like to improve and grow, this is a group of wonderful people who will go out of their way to help you along the way with constructive thoughts and suggestions, not harsh criticisms. I hope to see good work from you in the future. |
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