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The Promise
| Open Poetry #2 |
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The Promise |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
I stir ... another restless night, As silent comes the dawn ... Her presence, banished by the light, Obdurate lover gone. The light that creeps beneath the drapes A haunting crimson red; My body feeble, life so faint, I lie alone in bed. For, only in the black of night Does my lover come: Surrender to her sweet embrace, And two ... shall be one. So teasingly does she caress And then, bestows her kiss ... So sweet, the dangling promise Of dark immortal bliss. Her succulent lips ... so sensuous Pressed hard against my skin ... Surrender is so effortless; So willingly, I sin! Dark ecstasy flows over me As tangled sheets I clasp; My soul, this night and ever more Held in her selfish grasp. Against my ear and neck so pale, Moves her seductive breath. My body trembles at her touch; My soul awaits the death. For she has pledged her love to me And all forever's nights; So I give this, my soul, to her So heady her delights! I returned each touch ... each kiss; So tight was her embrace! My feelings heightened ever more Her hunger, keeping pace ... 'Twas not a smile that curled her lips, But dark deceitful lies; Her face, a cold empty canvas - But ravenous her eyes! My life, my love, my soul I gave On this unholy night - And she would take ... but could she give? I gave, devoid of fright. And as the fateful moment neared When she would share her bliss, Her gift, she heartlessly withheld - That cold immortal kiss ... My essence drained by her embrace - Her touch held no release ... Now sated, she knew only scorn For this mere mortal piece. And having spent this mortal frame To feed her happiness, Not looking back, she cast the shell Into the dark abyss! ------------------ You live you learn. You love you learn. You cry you learn. You lose you learn. You bleed you learn ... You grieve you learn. (Alanis Morissette) I write, I learn very slowly ... Traveler [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-02-99).] [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-02-99).] [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-07-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 traveler - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
traveler - If you're working on perfecting your meter, you're doing a pretty good job here - You've written alternating lines of iambic tetrameter and iambic trimeter - There are a few rough spots that need smoothing, but all in all, you're doing well....  |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Time to get the dictionary out...again..*sigh*... Hugs ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Thanks Nan, I'll keep working on it. No excuses here, but with my limited experience, I have difficulty keeping the message while fitting the tech side ... never thought this would come over night ... why I may just do free verse ... thanks for your comments ... |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Well, I think this is an EXCELLENT tribute to Poet DeVine! Nice job, Traveler. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
I liked this one ... I didn't realize you had met PDV, though..? LOL Looking forward to more ... may I request something more upbeat or is that bad form? ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Thank you Balladeer .... hmmm ...Poet DeVine? Must be a whole coven of them out there ... [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-02-99).] [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-07-99).] |
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caroline Senior Member
since 1999-08-16
Posts 1218http://members.xoom.com/belladona123/index.htm |
Trav, hon, I think you learn pretty quickly! Great job...but maybe you should leave your windows closed at night?  ------------------ The only man worth your tears will never make you cry... |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Traveler, I thought you did a grand job. Some wonderful lines. |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Well done! Dark love, interesting. |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Thank you Caroline, Sy and WhtDove, your compliments will keep me tryin. [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-07-99).] |
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Critic New Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 9 |
nice. dump the quatrain. |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Well done, I say! |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Satiate, thank you. (Smile) Critic, thanks, from you that is high praise. [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-03-99).] |
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Starith Member
since 1999-08-18
Posts 176Leesburg, FL USA |
Very sad, but nicely done...I look forward to more from you. ------------------ We are only truly apperciated after we are no more! |
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Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
Wonderful. I stand and applaud. I really enjoyed it Traveler, and liked the meter. Balladeer-"a tribute to Poet deVine?" LOL. Let's see what you can come up with. ------------------ *Elizabeth* "Dwelt a maid belov'd and cherish'd by high and low, But with autumn leaf she perish'd, long time ago..." |
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Justbleu Member Elite
since 1999-08-31
Posts 3329Oregon, Originally From Alaska :) |
Mixed emotions for me!! I liked the style!! Quite enjoyed the peom!! Thank You!! Justbleu ------------------ "Never let anyone keep you from your dreams, follow your heart, be true to yourself, and if that special someone does to, go ahead, walk together side by side as one!! |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Starith, thank you. Thanks, Elizabeth, your making me blush. Justbleau, thanks for reading and commenting. THANKS to all who took time to comment. [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-07-99).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ahhhhh.....not about me! I would never be so cruel as to toss aside your heart! Balladeer was teasing.....my kisses are not cold but hot! How did I miss this! I apologize for not being on the ball earlier! It's very, very good! |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Thank you Poet ... [This message has been edited by traveler (edited 09-07-99).] |
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traveler Member
since 1999-08-17
Posts 119 |
Thanks Devine One ... with your words of encouragement I'll post something in "your" forum tomorrow ... promise |
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moonmoon Member
since 1999-08-13
Posts 277TX , USA |
Well written indeed Traveler... ------------------ "No one was ever ruined from without; The final ruin comes from within.".....Amelia E. Barr |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
nicely done enjoyed this read |
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*Alli4000*
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188The World of Poetry |
I enjoyed this! ~Alli~ Happy Holidays! |
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