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Open Poetry #2
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Faithful and true
| Open Poetry #2 |
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Faithful and true |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion 
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Her dreams suffered his assaults, His invectives plunged deeper still. His words were a wind of erosion, His indifference denied her replies. She said, "I love you," through tearing eyes, To which he'd respond with corrosion, That if one's looks could truly kill She would pay for each of his faults. He was more bitter than the salt of the earth, In him not a drop of life could exist. In the barren wasteland of his heart Where love would never grow strong He was too blind to see he was wrong, That he'd destroyed her very best part, With words less spoken than hissed, Each metered for its destructive worth. He was certain he deserved much more Than the woman who gave up so much. She stood silent and weathered his storms Though he preferred to stand alone. With emotions of cold lifeless stone, He resisted her love in all its forms And offered only his coldest touch For, there was nothing within his core. But she loved him. He was the perfect son. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Michael Waterman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lost Dreamer Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464Somewhere near the Rainbow |
Not what I expected when I opened up this post, knowing your humorous side this caught me off guard. It is wonderful just the same, you have a serious side I see now too. Great job expressing the feelings between a mother, and a son. |
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
beautiful poem, great writing LJ...loved it |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Oh LJA, I can really relate to this one. My oldest son it seems sometimes has taken my heart, ripped it out of my chest and placed it on a plate as offering to my love of him. This is a profound piece of work!! ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A man of many sides...and all talented. Nice work, LJA |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
LJA you did a great job with this! Though it caught me off gaurd. I thought it was a husband or something! Very well done! |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
WOW! Very powerful with a striking blow at the end. I bow to you and yours for this excellent offering. Thanks for sharing. I go away stunned. |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Thank you one and all. As for me being a humorist - hmmmm - I kinda like writing the serious stuff more often than not. On the lighter side - I think I'll stay away from a ABCDDCBA structure for awhile. Its way too hard to pick up the rhyme when reading it out loud. Lovey!!!! Your monicker almost slipped by me. Welcome aboard, lil O&O. [This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 09-07-99).] |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Yassee?...With LongJohn ya just never know....it's kinda like an Alfred Hitchcock flick everytime ya read one of his poems.....Starts out real serious, thought provoking, deep,....and before ya know it, he ends it with some kinda hilarious SMACK!...Then, just to really keep ya off guard, he writes something like this? Everytime I read something of his, I just know that the last line or two are gonna be unexpected......Great job sailor.... |
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poetFemmeFatale Member Elite
since 1999-07-25
Posts 2646Arkansas |
Yeah, I was reading along thinking it sounded like alot of men I know.....when **smack** it was her son she was referring to! So many men are SO angry on the inside! I'm in awe at how cold a man gets - revengeful with spite and a hatred for women! Women get hurt too, I guess we're just more subtle about it, we hide our hearts....cower from trusting again....but men get downright ugly about it! Fabulous read here, sir! I agree that the rhyme was a bit hard to hear, but a fabulous piece nonetheless.....great form, I'm sure it was hard to keep up that pattern! I'm not sure I'd have the patience for writing like that!! BRAVO! **curtsies ------------------ I beckon you to come...I lure you with my tongue... - poet FemmeFatale |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Well done, sailor!!! |
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Pepper Member Elite
since 1999-08-19
Posts 3079Southern Florida |
I too was caught by the surprise ending....this is a poignant piece that shows your remarkable talent.... ------------------ May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I haven't read much of your work, LJ, but plan on doing so. This was an interesting read and I enjoyed it; it delved into the emotions of a mother, something with which I could identify. I'm very glad I saw your own comment to this poem, as the rhyme scheme eluded me for a bit and I agree, that is a difficult rhyme scheme to master. I do think you did a decent job with it, but as you pointed it out, reading it aloud is the real test. I wonder if the search function works again? I think I'll seek out some more of your work to read and discover the humorous side others have mentioned.  dp |
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ac Member
since 1999-06-17
Posts 129Cayey, PR - USA |
It seems as though it's mostly the mother who is unconditionally true and faithful. Even with children who are full of spite and seem to be born so hateful. A really good piece...loved the end... [This message has been edited by ac (edited 09-08-99).] |
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