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The Game of Love
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The Game of Love |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Everybody plays the Game of love, some just play it cutthroat. Both men and women do so, not all by any means but enough to cause emotional turmoil and perpetuate stereotypes. Men tend to effectively lie to cover true feelings or to simulate true feelings. They also will woo a woman with their words, lie just to instill desire or emotions in a woman. They do this with sublime impunity without regard for the feelings of any woman involved. There are others who break hearts solely because they can. In explanation of these men, most have been hurt by women either badly or repeatedly. The others have a need to dominate, to inflict suffering upon those that are unable to fight back. These men see women as easy targets, an opinion that is not correct. Emotions seem to be a weak point in both sexes however. I see no justification for what these men do. I do understand it. I can even see why they would do so. Women hold both a place of utter contempt in my heart and a place of the highest honor, I let each woman that I encounter determine which place she will occupy. Admittedly, I am bitter and this colors any opinion that I have. Those women that routinely tear out the hearts of men are presumably doing so in retaliation for mistreatment or abuse at the hands of men. That would be the most understandable reason for the casual way that women use men as toys to be put away when playtime is over. Women also use men as a dumping ground for their own bitterness, and vice versa. Women tend to have a problem separating love and sex, this leads to a lot of unnecessary pain. The only justification I can see is not knowing any better, or having no conception of compassion. Women are catty, conniving, and heartless creatures devoid of remorse and any sense of honor. They deliberately instigate and provoke conflict for the sole purpose of instilling a guilt they can manipulate. That is the belief I am finding forced upon me by recent events and individuals. These events have stripped away all the remaining illusions about females that I still wallowed in. The closer a woman gets to a man, the more her desire to break him grows. Many women profess a desire to console or prove that not all women are the same, but remember that words are easy to say. They don't carry the implied intent. To date not one woman that I have been intimate with has proven anything other than the first part of this paragraph. I therefore conclude that women make excellent friends and occasional lovers but intimacy leads to vulnerability that is aptly named and entirely masochistic in nature. If anyone can explain to me the cutthroat players of the game, I would greatly appreciate it because, ironically, from either masochism or stupidity coupled with my need, I keep putting my hand back into the flames in the pathetic hope that one day I wont be burned. End of rant. ©1999 DreamEvil ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 08-19-99).] |
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wayoutwalt Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 4870TEXAS (it's all big) |
men are to be changed by women what if we dont wanna be changed and fat chance changing them..women know the difference between love and sex its just a difference us men dont see and therein lies the conflict |
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Gentle Soul Member
since 1999-07-12
Posts 273Vinton,Ohio USA |
well.. I agree with you all the way brother, and walt, I dont think women should have to change men... I dont believe in "woman power" but thats another prose.. *hugs* good essay love... ------------------ Gënt£ë¤§°û£ |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Let me start off by saying those who play the "game of love" are fools. Love is not a game. Anything, which involves the emotions of two people, is serious business. Yes, you will find people, both men and women who treat others emotions as toys. Not caring who they hurt, as long as they get what they want. But I feel the majority of people are caring and considerate individuals. Not everyone is out to hurt someone. Most women are not out to change men. In relationships there should be growth. Yes growth is change, but it's a changing of both parties not just one. Growth should be where both individuals develop their own place in a relationship. Hopefully, that will be an equal sharing in the development of the relationship. This is not always so. Most does depend on the way in which we where raised, what we have seen of the relationships of our parents, and other family members. If women are catty, conniving, heartless creatures, then one must also see the men they are with as weak willing, insecure and spineless. Doesn't one naturally compliment the other? On the other hand for a man to be domineering and ruthless, the woman must be clingy and lack self-respect. Once again these are things we have all learned in life. You can only be told you're worthless so many times before you believe it. Women do have honor. If they do not, then why do women who are repeatedly abused keep silent? Some out of fear of their abuser, but most out of the feeling that they must up hold the family honor. Keeping family secrets and trusts. Thank God this is changing. Women are finding out that it's OK to get help. As to being remorseful, only the truly ignorant and dishonest are not remorseful when they have injured someone. As to cut- throat players, they are the dredges of society. Dressed up as human beings, hurting those they can. They are usually the ones society considers the" beautiful people". Any psychology major can tell you that opposites attract. If one is getting burned it because of the partner that they have chosen. They chose the flame. As the risk of being stereotypical, the dominate will only go for the weak, and visa versa. It's very unusual for a strong person to go out with another strong willed person. I think the world would be a much easier place to live if we were all blind. Then you wouldn't be able to judge a person by their looks, but rather by what they say and do. Saying is easy; it's the doing that’s hard. You must first look inside your self, then seeing the cut- throats for what they are is easier. ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
I'm not taking this personally as me, I'm taking this personally as a woman. "Not knowing any better?" I feel that is a sort of chauvenistic remark. What you write about women is obviously written out of pain. You're lucky you have friends that will agree with you. I don't belive in "woman power" either, but I definitely don't believe that women are as horrible and ignorant as you portray them to be here. I also don't think woman "have a problem separating love and sex." Problem, being the key word here. Sex is supposed to BE love. SOME men have a "problem" with forgetting that or completely disregarding that. "Women are catty, conniving, and heartless creatures devoid of remorse and any sense of honor." And there are women in this forum that agree with that? Hmmm... I'll keep my big mouth shut. You're entitled to your own opinion. I DO NOT agree with you!!! ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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~one voice~ Senior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 664Billings, MT USA |
I thought of one more thing... I do not believe that it is WOMEN who cause your pain. I believe your pain comes from the way that you interact with women. Women cannot be held soley to blame. It doesn't matter if you are with a man or a woman, how two people interact with each other determines the emotions that those same two people will have for each other. Humans, in general, you say from a previous essay, are evil by nature, right? Who's to say that women are more evil than men? Your opinions seem to conflict. ------------------ ~onevoice~ "She looked at her life like lines, never-ending, constantly forming, reforming and bending." |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
One voice the sad thing is not that people agree with my statement, but why they do. I totally admit all my own part in my broken heart, each and every time. I admit that I lack the experience and social skills that others have. I also say that there are enough that do it to perpetuate the stereotypes. I never say that I believe this, in fact I say I'm being forced into that belief. I would not be so crass as to assume that all people of color are rude based on a single encounter. I speak of repeated experiences that have created this apparent belief. |
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dimples22 Junior Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 30 |
I can't say why I'm even responding to this but I am. I know that people are hurt and sometimes it feels like all you do is hurt and that's not due to gender or anything, it's due to the fact that sometimes we open ourselves up to the wrong people. If you take the time out to really review your relationships, from start to finish, you'll find yourself repeating old patterns which lead to getting your feelings hurt. Rather than blaming it on gender(which I believe makes no sense cause women get hurt too) you must blame it on the choices you make, that's the key. You are a child of God, therefore you deserve love, total and unconditional love, which you must learn to give yourself before someone else can ever give it to you. ------------------ I'm not a writer, just an observer of detail, lol. |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Dimples, I felt a need to reply to this one. Everyone plays head games, whether it be getting a friend to come on to a boyfriend just to see if he will respond then dumping him when he responds to the set-up or merely playing coy to heighten interest. Considering my lack of experience with females, I tend to follow their lead until I am more sure of myself. That does not excuse any of my own failings, yet neither does it excuse those women that have played with my emotions as if I had none. To my credit, I usually walk away from those that do that unless I find someone who truly moves my heart. Then I will try every conceivable method of getting them to see the destructiveness of their games. Sadly, most are so caught up in the Game that genuine emotion is mistaken for another move in that same Game. By no means do I think that all people are cruel about how they play the Game, only enough to spoil it for the rest. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well, it seems I have unwittingly stepped into a hornet's nest here! I can't believe I missed this one! Getting on soapbox) Ahem! First, let me say that I follow to some extent what Dragoness said. Where there is a catty, conniving, heartless woman, there is bound to be a weak-willed, insecure and spineless man. It is the nature of those that desire submission or domination, to seek those who will fit the part. It is the way of life that all things must balance. Opposites attract, and not by chance. It is because they search out those traits (sometimes unknowingly) that they themselves lack, or can subvert. And this in no way excludes either sex. I agree that D.E.'s words seemed sexist, and perhaps there's a bit of truth in them. Women can be cold and cruel. But so can men. Perhaps the reason women are more noted in this, is because a woman feels, and a man does. All discrimination aside, a woman usually is the one to feel from her heart. She loves wholly from inside, not ruled by testosterone influences. A man, while capable of love, is more often that not, loving from his heart, mind and groin. It is no less valid than a woman's love, simply different. Exceptions to the rule: Of course there are exceptions. Our race (mankind/woman kind) is too diverse, too culturally influenced, to remain constant on anything, much less matters of the heart and mind. We are raised differently, have different experiences, beliefs, hormonal levels... on and on. So even as I think of this, I wonder at the truth of my earlier statement. Perhaps, that too is only my personal observation..(shrug) Anyway... "Everybody plays the game of love..." A completely true statement DE, everybody does play. It is only after they're done playing, that they can seaarch for the truth that is love. Playing is something done as children. Romantic love, is something "designed" for adults. If you find that you keep getting "burned," perhaps it is because you keep "playing" with fire. Excuse the pun, but I believe you can see my point. If you truly yearn to find a love, then search for a love. Don't waste your time allowing a woman to provoke you. If she is instigative and manipulative, then it only shows that she hasn't matured to the level where love can be found. Move on, searching for another perhaps less self absorbed. And as to those traits being ascribed simply to women (manipulative, catty, insensitive, provoking...) I can also say with devout assurance, that men are more than capable of doing the same thing. Use Dragoness' example as an example. How many battered husbands do you hear of? True, there are a few, but they pale in comparison to the numbers of women who are mistreated. As a final note before I stop rambling (tonight!) I have a suggestion for you my friend. Forego the ritual dating and romantic love scenes, when you find a woman you're interested in. If you are truly afraid of being hurt, be their friend first. In friendship, is where you can find the true heart of a person, and any couple that has been together for many years will tell you that friendship is the key. If you can reach the plateau of friendship first, then you will have a solid building block, from which neither of you will fear to step from. (stepping off soapbox) ------------------ Everyone has a photographic memory... ...most of us just don't have film! |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I will reiterate: Both men and women do so, not all by any means but enough to cause emotional turmoil and perpetuate stereotypes. In the turmoil caused by this piece I notice that everyone tends to overlook this opening statement which specifically targets this essay at those who play the Game with no regard for the feelings of others. Christopher, I believe you labor under a misconception. Love is ALWAYS a game, as is seduction, marriage, and romance. They each have a different method of keeping score. Ideally the game should be give and take, some though only give or only take. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
DE, I wasn't sure of whether or not to respond. I get vibes from you that are saying that you may have taken what I said personaly. If you did, I apologize, it was not meant that way. I am not saying that your experiences are invalid. I am only saying that they don't represent the entire populace. And what is a stereotype, other than an opinion based on a small portion of people, that is rarely truly representative. (IE: All people from Arkansas are unintelligent, inbred, and socially repressed hicks. Is this true? No, absolutely not. Yet, because of a few hillbillys, it is made into a sterotype.) As for laboring under a mis-conception, I think not. I have found personally, and learned from others of like mind, that when you stop approaching it as a game, it will become real. I don't treat love as a game. I treat it with respect and honest dignity. It is never a game when you hold a person's heart in your hand, just as when you hold a person's life. The mis-conception of love being a game, only provokes it to be such. How can you expect someone to react seriously to your hearts demands, when you act as if it is only in fun, a game? ------------------ Everyone has a photographic memory... ...most of us just don't have film! |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Christopher, Well said, life is truly a game though. Some keep score with broken hearts, some with good deeds, and multitudes of other ways. It is good that you don't approach life as a game, neither do I. If you see it as a game, you live for the Game instead of for yourself. Bitterness does warp my worldview at times, but not enough to take offense at your words. In fact, thank you for replying. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I refuse to be classified in this so called "Game" as I don't feel I figure into the sterotypes you've displayed so vividly for us ------------------ "Nobody has measured, not even poets, how much the heart can hold" ~Zelda Fitzgerald |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Exactly as it should be, Hoot. |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Thank you DE, it makes me feel better, knowing that you can see my words as only my opinion...and you know what they say about opinions!  ------------------ Everyone has a photographic memory... ...most of us just don't have film! |
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WhtDove Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-22
Posts 9245Illinois |
Well Dream, I have to state their are a lot of valid opinions here. As for women not being able to seperate love from sex. A women gives that love during the course of sex. If the mood is not right and she is not feeling loved or in the right emotional state, it is not appealing. As far as playing games or keeping count, I can't say for all, but that is not at all what love is about. Love overlooks those things it keeps no count of wrongs. It gets up and carries on. We don't try to change people only explain how we feel, which sometimes is demeaning in the eyes of a man, and taken as a cut down, when that is not what it was meant to be. I have to say in my own experiences for some unknown reason you seem to be attracted to the same kinds of people. I guess in my household my dad had an alcoholic attitude, and wasn't helpful in the area of self-esteem. And I went from one abusive alcholic to another. There is a pattern there, and the weaker seem to be with the dominant, and so on. Christopher made a valid point, and Amen to dimples! We are not out to hurt. Love really can be a special thing. Friendship is a solid foundation to start on. All homes have to have a foundation, you can't build on lust. We must be able to see our own self worth and through the pain I have been in, I finally found it. For with pain comes growing. For without those failures I would still be enduring those bad relationships. Women feel deeply, I guess I should speak for myself, we put our emotions and all into someone. It is true that men seem to not love like women do, they hold their feelings in. I have to say love is not a game to be toyed with, it is to be shared. And that takes trust, understanding, and lots of communication and work. |
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Tara Simms Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1244Honea Path, SC USA |
"Love is always a game"? Maybe so, but it is one where BOTH sides can win. It doesn't have to be a win/lose proposition. Women don't know the difference between love and sex? Excuse me, but I beg to differ. I can love without ever wanting to be physical, and I can have sex without loving my partner. Sex is a purely physical thing, a union of bodies, a melding of flesh. Love is the union of souls, hearts, dreams. Yes, I know the difference between the two, thank you. While sex is much better when with the one you love, love is not a prerequisite. I pity the woman who thinks a man loves her because he wants to sleep with her. There is a saying which says you will receive that which you put out. If you are only finding certain types of women/relationships, you should evaluate your own actions and intentions. The possibilities are endless, and each person is a chance for a new beginning. Look inside yourself to discover what it is you truly want. If you don't believe you are worth the love of a good woman, than why on earth would one want you? This is why people end up with partners who hurt them, they often lack the self esteem to demand more from their relationships. Stop whining about the ways of women. Accept accountability for your own actions. Choose your destiny. And take it like a man! |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I accept full accountablity for my actions and inability to comprehend such. I speak not just from personal experience but from the experiences of every male I have personally known. Feel free to disagree with me, but have the courtesy to accept the validity of the experiences which led to such an opinion. ------------------ Shall I indulge in flights of fancy hampered by clipped wings? DreamEvil© |
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