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Silence
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Silence |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada 
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I had the false belief that nothing bad could ever happen to me, that no matter how bad I thought things were, it would not be bad for long, that everything always worked out in my life for the best, and that i just worried too much about htings anf they were never as bad as they seemed. Until the truth came crashing into me and I learned that bad things can happen to anybody and that things are sometimes worse than they seem at the moment, and just when you think you've hit rock bottom the floor falls out from beneath you. I was in a relationship with a guy who stole my heart, he made me happier than I had ever been in my life, I was away at school about 50 minutes from my home town and he lived just blocks from my house, and the entire week I just waited till I could go home and see him. We had what our friends called the "perfect relationship", we hardly ever fought, we always had a great time together, actually if anything our only fault was that we couldn't keep our hands off one another, and that did turn out to be the worst fault of all. He broke up with me, somewhat out of the blue. I didn't really know why it had happened, I just knew that I really didn't want it to be this way. I couldn't imagine my life wihtout him being a part of it. We didn't see each other for a while and I spent most of the following month in tears missing him so much. Everywhere I went, everything I did reminded me of him. I couldn't escape him, I couldn't escape the love we had shared, I couldn't escape the joy we had created together. And then, about a month and a half after we broke up, with me still wanting him back more than life itself I found out some news. I was pregnant, two months. I had been so caught up in missing him that I hadn't really realized it until I was violently ill in the mornings and I went to the doctors. I had never thought that this could happen to me. We had always been so careful and I didn't think I could ever get pregnant... Well I did, I wasn't immune to everything, hurt and pain and confusion could enter my life. I had thought I felt alone and scared and hurt before, having lost the love of my life. I had thought my life couldn't get any lower that it had been without him in it, I had thought that until i heard this news. This added a whole new list of fears to my already long exisiting one. I didn't know what to do. I was raise to believe that abortion was wrong, that no one had the right to take anothers life, and I was too proud to walk away frm my own mistakes, so then I had to figure out how to tell him, how to tell my parents, what I was going to do now. He and I hadn't spoken much in the last month and a half, we had talked a few times on the computer but that's about it. I didn't even know if there was someone new in his life, I knew very little about what he was doing now. I drove around for a while, and ended up on his street, his car was parked in his driveway, I figured now was as good a time as any to tell him. I parked my car and walked to the door. It took me a long time to actually ring the doorbell, but I finally did, and he answered. He looked as though he was in a good mood, which was kinda surprising, good moods were not a normal thing between him and I in the recent month. He said hello, and looked shocked to see me, not that I expected otherwise cause I would have been shocked to see him too if the roles were reversed. I told him I needed to talk to him about something, and that I hoped this was an okay time. He opened the door wider so that I could come inside. I could tell that he felt a little strange about why I was there, like he was kind of unsure of everything. He looked deeply into my eyes as I looked up from taking off my shoes. "Have you been crying?" He asked me, obviously my eyes must have been bloodshot. I didn't know what to say, I always tried so hard to make people belive that I was so strong, that I never got upset, but I didn't think this was the time to play strong, cause my world was crumbling beneath me. "Yeah, I have." Was my response to him, he jsut looked at me, he didn't know what to do. I could tell he wanted to reach out and hold me but didn't think it was appropriate, and I so wanted him to pull me into his arms, so that even for a moment I could feel safe again. We walked into his living room and sat down. I looked at him for a while before I said anything, and then he finally asked why I was there. "I'm pregnant" Was all I could think of to say. I had never been very good at small talk, I didn't beat arounf the bush very well and I was excellent at getting straight to the point. "Pardon?" "I'm pregnant, two months" "I see.." all he said was I see. "It is yours you know" "Oh, I never doubted that, I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to sound like I didn't care, I'm just a little shocked" At that point the tears started flowing again, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should get up and leave or if I should wait and talk this out with him. Him looked up from staring at his hand, and saw me crying. He had always hated seeing me cry. He pulled me into his arms and held me. I could feel his body shaking next to me, and pulled away slightly, the tears were beginning to fall from his eyes as well. "What are we going to do?" He asked me. I had never seen this side of him before, I had never not seen him in control. He always acted as if he knew exactly how everything was going to turn out, like he had ultimate control over every situation. not now though, now he looked scared, I had never seen that kind of fear in his eyes. "I don't know.... I don't know what to do" "Well, we don't have to figure it all out today. Just know I'm going to be here for you no matter what." He pulled away form me now, and grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. And we both sat in silence. < !signature--> "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost [This message has been edited by Martini (edited 07-31-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Stephanie McMillan - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
martini~~~so what happened??? what did you decide to do??? anyways i wish you the best of luck... ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
we want more!!! we want more!!! lol wondering as well what happens next |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
A real life adventure you're writing here, and I like that begining.. Good writing but I feel this is only a begining too. Abrahm Simons "Keep on dreamin' boy 'cause when you stop dreaming it's time to die" - Blind Melon |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
In a way so sad, in a way so happy and again, in a way, well written!  Thank youChris |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
thank you all for your replys... You want to know what happened.... Well perhaps I will have to fill you in. "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
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EWDrake Member
since 2000-07-30
Posts 183NC, USA |
Martini, you pulled over and invited the reader to make the journey with you--to see as you saw, feel as you felt. Wonderful job, no matter your conclusion. "It goes on." And if so do you, I would be honoured to read... Evan |
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Evan It does go on... I would be delighted if you read the continuation and conclusion to my story. Thank you for your very very kind words, they mean a lot to me. This was a very difficult time for me and it has taken a long time for me to be able to express my feelings. |
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