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Lucy, Stars or Diamonds?
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Lucy, Stars or Diamonds? |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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I can feel my stomach muscles tighten, I gently stroke my rib cage prodding the excess flesh. I drink another glass of mineral water yet the hunger and pain continue. I gaze longingly at the juicy sweet apples on the countertop. No I must resist. I am better than this, I can beat the pain beat the hunger. 8st. 2lbs. Still too fat. It has been six hours since I last ate, a low fat rice cake, some celery and a cup of tea (black with two sugars). The routine has been the same since I begun five weeks ago it is not getting any easier. I started drinking tea for energy but it is leaving stains on my teeth so I will have to cross it off my diet plan. I have already completed the first section of my regime. I awoke at 9.15 am. Exercised for an hour, showered, ate breakfast, practised at apply my makeup. I embrace my self, it seems cold, and I feel tired yet restless. I lay on the couch, turn on the television to watch the daytime soaps looking with deep envy at their pearly smiles their perfect figures…OH Kimberly, Rachel, Taylor…and then I see it, Lucy, why not? Why not me? I belong in their Barbiesque world. After all out of the thousands of appliances I have been chosen, brought to this city of bright lights and beautiful people. In six weeks if I made the grade I will walk down the platform as an icon of perfection. Yes me Lucy the starlet my name in lights. My eyes feel heavy, I drift off to sleep but resist its soothing embrace. There is still so much I have to do. It is hard for me. Harder for me. I can not afford an agency to assist me like the other girls, with their personal trainers, their dieticians, beauty consultants. I am not complaining, I am delighted with the grant and the funding just to be here. Besides the agency was kind enough to supply me a diet plan, exercise routines and beauty tips. I devoured the words religious, consuming any information I could find, an array of beauty magazines lie scattered across the coffee table. I turn the television off, rise, and stare at the mirror for the next two minutes. I see the potential, as the day's progress I will sculpt image that with dazzle the others. Beware Kate, Cindy, Helena behold the goddess that is Lucy. Another glasses of mineral water, sit-ups for half an hour, wash myself. It is important to wash directly after exercise, drink health shake then go to the bathroom for skin therapy. It is 11 am. I can barely move, my vision is blurred, and my body feels heavy when it should be as light as a feather. This is not good. I have wasted 2 hours. A change of diet is out of the question, I refuse to force myself to vomit after eating excess food. I would rather starve. So close. Goodbye dream. NO I am too close. I am almost at my target weight. 7st. 4lbs. Hang in there. I need help, I need energy I need a life line. Some sugar maybe. Then I recall something, the memory seems like a ghostly whisper. A card I was given when I first arrived here. Some one from the agency, a man all smiles slick jet-black hair handed me a card with a phone number on it. "If you ever want a chemical night call this number," he slid the card into my hands winked and walked away. Even a country girl like me could decode his cryptic message. I had pocketed the card in disgust and had forgotten about it. But what if…was it not worth a try? My body now moved with purpose, trembling as I crawled from the bed. I finally unearthed the card and nervously dialled the number a mobile (the name on the card was "Staci"). "Hi Staci," I said my voice trembling. ""May I help you?" the voice on the other side replied coldly. "Yes, I need your services" I said. "In what way?" came the reply again monotone and void of emotion. "Something to boost me, energy, something like sugar" I gave a faint laugh. "Your address?" she replied ignoring the sugar joke. "Expect me in 15 minutes," then she hung up before I had a chance to say anything else. Exactly 15 minutes have passed when there was a knock at the door. I open it, shocked to see Staci who looks more like a businesswoman than a dealer. She has a smooth fresh face, dark red wavy hair that ends half way down the neck. She is wearing a sharp black suit, black leather gloves and a pair of sunglasses, which she leaves on. She enters the room examines it then walks towards the bedroom. I follow her, "Can I get you something to drink?" "No" she replies coldly. She sits on the edge of the bed, I go to open the curtains "Leave them" she orders. Her right hand slides into her suit pocket. She takes her gloved her hand out of her pocket, her palm opens to reveal a silver tube. "This contains two amphetamines, use sparingly. $30 per pill." I hand the money over without question. No price is too high. She begins to make her way towards the front door, "And what if I have any problems can I contact you?" I ask. "NO" she replies very bluntly. I have been chosen as a model by the agency. I have spent the past week in training for the Gala fashion show. The training here is militant. I never realised that it took so much effort to be beautiful. I awake at 6 am the morning of the fashion show, soak my strained muscles in a nice warm bath. I spend a hour and a half applying makeup. Rehearsals at the hall for the fashion show. The other girls seem so much more beautiful refined, I feel awkward. No stop this I am as good as they are. **************** My heartbeats frantically, I have not eaten all day and the cramp in my stomach is growing worse. Any moment now I will walk down the catwalk. I slip the pill I have kept cupped in my hand in my mouth faking a cough. The other models standing in the hall way just stare right through me. I feel a surge of energy erupt in my body every muscle tightens and is electrified. I am alive I am ready for anything. "Small delay Darlings, could be another hour before we go on stage. Hang tight and stay beautiful" It is Michelle, one of the organisers. Panic grips my body; I begin to sweat to lose control. I head towards the dressing room, as their cat eyes stare me down. The drug works its way through my system dying just in time. I rummage through my bag and retrieve the other pill, this time I will wait until I am on stage. It is the most wonderful experience ever. As I step out from behind the curtain, I blow the crowd a kiss secretly swallowing the pill in the same gesture. The lights are like glitter and I am an angel walking through a worship hall, where each camera flash celebrated my beauty. It is so overwhelming, so beautiful, a tear trickles down my face then everything tumbles down around me, the last thing I remember is the hard marble crushing against my delicate face…the rose on the tombstone. I wish that the darkness had kept me saved me from this faith this embarrassment. My body may have survived but my dignity died the moment I slipped. I will never set foot inside this theatre of beauty again. I rise my head slowly, a hand decorated with gold rings and gaudy pink nail varnish withdraws an ice pack from my face. It is Michelle, she barely hides her fury at me her words are filled with tension. I should probably take comfort in her constraint manner though it is only an exercise in maintaining professionalism, no sympathy here. " Take your things and leave. I never want to see you or hear of you again. I can't pay you for your services for obvious reasons." I expected to cry, to break down in front of all those people but I remain calm, perhaps the drugs, and maintain a stable outwards appearance. I begin to make my way towards the exit; first I have to bare the hall of shame. All the other models are lined up on either side of me, the direct stinging insults at me; one even takes a high-heeled shoe off. As I close the door I hear the shoe's hard impact. I sit on the wall outside the car park. The night is cold; this city of neon lights and bright smiles is desert of loneliness. "You certainly made a lasting impression. " I look up, the voice familiar but I could not place it. "Staci?" Wearing the same outfit as when we first met. "What are you doing here?" "The after show party is big business, all these wealthy people looking to get coked up," she smiles. "Come on, let's go for a drive," she says her voice gentle and glowing. "I should be…getting home." "Later, there is something I want to show you first." We walk across the parking lot to a Black BMW shimmering in the neon night. We drive out towards the outskirts of the city. She stops the car on a hill over looking the entire city. It is a sea of darkness, with diamond lights twinkling. "Beautiful" I say. "You would think that, but you will see what lies at the heart of the beast." The car drives through the slums, the streets of poverty. We stop at traffic lights, a man and woman, both close to my own age, walk past us their faces grey and their eyes vacant. "The party children of this neighbourhood" she says. Then the car takes off as the slums fade into the darkness; the empty stares stay with me. We now move onto the glitter streets the world inhabited by those perfect soap princesses. All around me I see young women stumbling from night-clubs vomiting on the streets. "Aw my clients, " Staci laughs, "how they love my cancerous candy." The car pulls up at my apartment. "Thanks," I say. " We are not finished yet, follow me." We climb the fire escape to the roof. "See the stars, they really glitter nor you can be part of the diamond glitter of this city, its facades and surface prettiness.." "But why did you sell me the drugs then, why do you even care, am I not another client?" She pauses for a second, sighs then speaks, "Firstly you wanted those drugs. You could have bought them anywhere. What I sold you were weak amphetamines. It is not my role to be your conscience, to be your guide but I knew from the moment I saw you that you did not fit in here. You are better than this. Maybe I am getting soft. You were going to fall down one way or another. The others in this city they let it devour them, leech their souls and become wasted on its vices. I am just providing them with a service. You however do not belong to this. Your destiny is out there." She points to the stars, then walks away, "Thanks" I smile. "Just don't tell anyone about any of this. A sign of compassion is a weakness in this city. " "A frog, it cannot comprehend the sea Nor me happiness" Paul Draper-Mansun [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 07-29-2000).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Ok... I'm at work and can't really read this now... I will later Brian.. but I did want to thank you for getting the song stuck in my head...  "Lucy in the sky with diamonds..." |
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Erin Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527~Chicago~ |
i am in shock. this story is really good. ~IF YOU WANT SOMETHING VERY BADLY~SET IT FREE~IF IT COMES BACK TO YOU~ITS YOURS FOREVER~IF IT DOESNT IT WAS NEVER YOURS TO BEGIN WITH~ |
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StarrGazer Senior Member
since 2000-03-05
Posts 679Texas |
This was great I really enjoyed the read! BUT this line is driving me crazy lol I know it is probably a typo ... I started drinking tea for energy but it is leaving stains on my tea so I will have to cross it off my diet plan. should not the second "tea" be "teeth"?  |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Christopher, well the similaries between the beatles and my story end there. Looking forward to your thoughts. Erin, surprised it is good!?! sometimes I am lucky and write something good LOL. no seriously, thanks for your wonderful reply. StarrGazer, I am terrible with such typos even when proof reading I read fast therefore missing half of my mistakes, I fixed the mistake thanks for pointing it out. Thanks for your wonderful response. "A frog, it cannot comprehend the sea Nor me happiness" Paul Draper-Mansun |
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Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Brian, This is great work. Just felt it needed a bit in the punctuation area... (proof reading is not a happy business, huh?) for e.g. 'No I must resist' is better as 'No, I must resist'... etc... enjoyed it muchly... regards to you my friend, sudhir |
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dgvarner Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552High Springs, Florida |
yep..lucy in the sky with daimonds...i'll be singing that the rest of the night now.. this is an awesome story brian..i dont think this is what i meant to stumble upon, but so glad i did your writing is such a delight to read, always..  i may have to go looking for more!dg "Half of what i say is meaningless; but i say it so that the other half may reach you." -Kahlil Gibran |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
Brian,i loved the way Staci took the lead character aside and made her understand that her destiny is worth more than what she has expected herself....the last line "A sign of compassion is a weakness in this city" jolted me..not what i have been expecting but then i liked the summing up of how this world works more often than not... thanks for the read |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Was going to say that I was amazed at how you put yourself into the female perspective, but then again, you're Brian...so I am just glad I got the chance to read a fine storyline... any time you want to edit this, let me know, I'll be glad to bring my red pen [at least, for the typos...LOL, whew, got past them...I too read and type fast and really get aggravated with self when I see what I post...edit edit edit...{~,^}...] Karilea When you want to be loved, look within...KRJ |
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