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And now, a word from our sponser
| Passions in Prose |
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And now, a word from our sponser |
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G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
Scene: We see a sun lit dining area. The table in the center is set for breakfast with a single place setting including a cup of coffee, pitcher of milk, glass of orange juice, folded napkin with a spoon on it, an empty bowl and a small vase with some flowers in it. A well dressed man walks up to the table with a cereal box in his hand. The box is just obscured enough as to not show the front of the box. He places it on the table next to the bowl with the thin end of the box facing one's view. He then proceeds to pick up the cup of coffee, takes a sip from it and with smile and a slight gasp of refreshment he sets the cup down and begins his monologue. Man: "Ya know, they say that breakfast in the most important meal of the day. I couldn't agree more. Now some people like to have bacon and eggs for their breakfast while others prefer a hot steaming bowl of oatmeal. I on the other hand find that there's no better way to start your day then by having a good heaping bowl of Crap." Scene: He holds the box up close to his face finally exposing the front. It is a powder blue box with the word CRAP written in large, bold, bright red lettering. Also appearing on the box is a dog, sitting on a bowl that is very much similar to the one in front of the man. As he opens the box and pours the contents into his bowl. One can see what appears to be small, bite sized dog droppings coming out of the box. He fills the bowl, sets the box down (front now facing forward), pours some milk into the bowl and continues. Man: "Yes Crap, the 100% all natural breakfast cereal made by those fine people at SHT Foods who've brought us wonderful delights such as Dog Pee Soup and Fur Ball Franks. Crap isn't like all those other cereals, not by a long shot. You won't find any artificial flavors, colors or preservatives here. Nope, just good wholesome crap. And for those of you who have stomach problems let me assure you, Crap won't bother you at all. You see, Crap isn't grown or produced in some large factory machine. No, rather Crap is harvested from the finest digested meat and vegetable matter that can be found in parks and schoolyards across this great nation of ours. That means that it's made in America, I'm liking this cereal better and better all the time." Scene: The man smiles, winks and gives a thumbs up. Man: "So for those of you with stomach problems, have no fear. Crap has already been through one digestive track and I'm sure it'll have no problem going through another. Crap comes in 2 mouth watering flavors, my personal favorite Puppy Poo and for you cat lovers out there there's Kitty Crap too. So what are you waiting for? Get out there and go get yourself a big box of Crap. You'll be glad that you did." Scene: The view cuts to a shot looking at 2 boxes of both flavors sitting on the bar with the man happily eating his cereal in the background. At that point the product jingle is played accompanied by the disclaimer. Jingle: Crap is good, Crap is great, Crap's what I want on my plate, Eeeeeeeeeat Craaaaaaaap Announcer: Crap is not for everybody and may cause side effects in certain individuals such as: headache, stomachache, diarrhea, projectile vomiting, vertigo, psychotic hallucinations, violent convulsions, extreme mood swings, Hepatitis A through D, loss of consciousness and finally, death. If any of these side effects occur consult a physician immediately. If Crap can no longer be smelled and turns hard and white, do not consume. If Crap is consumed in this state, consult a physician immediately. If you are currently consuming Crap, consult a psychologist immediately. SHT Foods Inc. takes no responsibility in the event of injury or illness caused by the consumption of their products. Scene: We now flash back to the man who has just finished his bowl. He wipes his mouth and then speaks. Man: "Have you had enough Crap in your life? I know I haven't." Scene: While saying his line, the man holds up the box once more. This time he shows a big grin revealing his now brown streaked teeth. Freeze frame on him smiling with the box in his hand. Announcer's voice is heard saying the following. Announcer: Crap, it's not just for lawns any more. Scene: Fade to black. G. A. Webb < !signature--> Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't [This message has been edited by G. A. Webb (edited 07-20-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 G. A. Webb - All Rights Reserved | |||
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G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
I kinda had fun going wild with this one. I hope you all get a good laugh out of it.  G Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
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Gossamerwings Member
since 2000-07-18
Posts 207 |
It's just a bunch of crap! Gossamerwings ;) |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
G: Amusing read. I wouldn't eat breakfast at this man's house, though ... I don't take crap from anyone.   Jim |
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G. A. Webb Member
since 2000-01-21
Posts 441Stanton, California, USA |
Well, I know I ticked off some people with this and Massive Thrill. Let me assure you all, these were just for fun. I had no intention of upsetting anybody when I wrote these. So for those of you who may have gotten upset by these, I appologize. And for those of you who actually liked them and saw the humor in them I say, THANKS!!! I'm glad you liked it. G Regret not that which you have done, Rather that which you haven't |
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Ardonida Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 76 |
A litte fun of my own!! in a fake Auzie (sorry) accent A. says "Get yours nooowww for only nine-ninety-niiinnnee!!, and thats not all, you can get a toaster for free.!!But wait, there's more, if you purchase yours now, you get a hips buns and thy master AB_SO_LUTE_LY_ FREE!!!" I enjoyed this one... Got a good giggle or two out of it!! (But then again, I have a hubby who does it so well!!!and I am a bit of a nutter myself!!) A. |
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