all the things i never said

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

amber
Member

since 1999-06-15

Posts 240
los banos, ca,

0 posted 1999-12-07 02:58 AM

i never said then when i saw you holding her in my mind, i wished you from my life forever, never to return to the depths of my soul, that lived only for you. i sat with my heart at your feet, her in your arms, and you still telling me you loved me. she was a mistake you never learned from, and never really chose to move on from. only regeret and apologize for, but never really lose.

i never said that i couldnt even stand to look at you for a long time after that and when you touched me, my skin crawled. i loved you, but you changed it somehow, broke it down, it to peices of how i used to feel.

i never said that i was so scared that i would never agian be able to make love to you without seeing her, tasting her on your skin, feeling her breathe on my neck, hearing her i love yous in my ear.

i never said that to you becusae even though you killed my pride, my love over and over agian, i would still never say one word to hurt you. i never said that when you cried it tore into me, and i felt so bad all i could do was cry and hold you, and tell you that i would always love you. and i do there is no denying that.

now you ask me what im thinking, and i think that it is one of those times that you ask only becuase you thinnk that your supposed to, not becuase you really want to know. i remember that feeling all to well like when i said,

"do you love her," "does she make you happy," "why cant i be enough when you own my entire soul?" to all these questions i hoped that you would never have an answer but you always did, and it always broke my heart. but still i asked. and i learned it isnt true, "what you dont know, can and will hurt you."

you poved that to me, even though i never said it, never told you that trust is something that once its taken for granted you may never be able to get it back. regardless of all the i love yous, the im sorrys, or how much i want to give it to you, sometimes it just wont work.

but i will never say that i dont love you,
despite where we have been, and where we are going,
i will never say that it has hurt to much to forgive you, becuase i always have,
for a reason that i cant explian.
so amny people say i should have given up a long time ago, and even though i dont even know the answer,
i will never say, "goodbye"

Dusk Treader

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-06-18

Posts 1187
St. Paul, MN

1 posted 1999-12-10 06:41 PM

This piece has a lot of emotions in it. You say you don't even know the answers.. now may be a good time to try to find out for yourself those answers.

"Pointing Fingers to Defend" - Gravity Kills - "Guilty"

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 1999-12-14 08:51 AM

I was reading the first line and when you mentioned, "her in your arms and you still telling me you loved me" it reminded me of some phone messages my wife left on my answering machine after she left me. After she left me and some time had passed I decided I didn't want her to come back and she would leave messages on my answering machine saying, "James, are you home, pick up the phone, this is your wife, what the hell is going on, this is your wife. And I didn't want to talk to her and I wouldn't pick up the phone. I would get so mad because she kept saying this is your wife. My wife would have never done the things that she did to herself and to me, or did I do it to myself. James

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 1999-12-14 10:49 PM

A soul can only take so much pain. Trust can not be easily restored. One that can disrespect you like this isn't worth the pain. I have said to many people, the man worth this kind of pain will never inflict it on you. Find your strength and do what you have to do. Only you have the answers.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.