»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
What Once Was, And Not Meant To Be
| Passions in Prose |
|
What Once Was, And Not Meant To Be |
|
|
Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida 
|
(dug from the depths of my journal) How to begin? ...Ha! What a beginning. Let’s start with, why? I write this to recapture that which I have somehow let slip through the cracks. I’m settling, stagnant. There used to be so much life in this mind...body. “Live for today” has somehow turned into “what about tomorrow”, or better yet, “where has my past gone?” Ah...poetic bibble-babble – what would this world be without it? Cut and dried, boring, to the point...no imagination. I am 22 years old and not sure about anything. Oh yes, I realize my age and my level of naiveté; I realize that I have so much left to learn, and that everyone does as well no matter their age. I realize. I used to be sure of something...and that’s, well, that’s at least something. When I bought this journal I was a child, now I am going to have two. When I bought this journal I could have done whatever I wanted – and I did. I was devoted to no one. Now I am married to someone whom I have fallen frighteningly in love with. Is this what it means when people say, “lose yourself” or “give your heart away?” I remember when he wrote me letters saying things more beautiful than any poet could write. And often times, those verses were simple...only three words long, more often than not they were written on a little yellow sticky note and stuck to the mirror so I would see it when I woke up in the morning. There’s so many things I wish I could ask him now. Does he still want to smell my hair, and play his fingers through the tresses? Does that still sound like ‘paradise’ to him? Is he still ‘forever mine’? Does he love me or is he in love with me? (Is there a difference?) He once said that it all started with a kiss...does my kiss still mean something? I wonder if this upset of emotions is caused solely due to my pregnancy, or if there is some truth or validity to my questions. I will never know. I have learned that when one asks a question enough, one will get the answer they expect after a while. I must be content with you, my little journal friend. He used to cup my face in his hands... He used to look at me with fire in his eyes...Did I turn out to be the water that doused the fire? I HATE feeling vulnerable! Isn’t it ironic that I wear the ring and hold the name of the only person who has ever made me feel slightly insecure? I have read many things on the vividness of the dreams pregnant women have, and often of babies or ‘their’ baby. I do not dream. Let’s just chalk up another point for the Mom of the Year award, shall we? I do know what does happen though, in the middle of the night when I am walking along the thin line between wakefulness and sleep. When my narcoleptic tendencies take over my fatigued mind and weeping soul – those times, I’m paralyzed by my fears and suffocated by life. I cannot take in a breath as the weight of my decisions sit languidly on my chest. It is night now...and I write to stay awake. Where has my life gone? Where is it going...will I be alone? I am scared. [This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 11-04-1999).] |
||
| © Copyright 1999 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I do find this a wondrous glimpse into your self dear friend. ------------------ Now and forever, my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
||
|
JennyLee Senior Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 1461Northwestern, NJ. |
I too find this wonderous and so full of layers of emotion. I like it much."Did I turn out to be the water that doused the fire ? " A question that many people can ask themselves I'm sure.... Jenny ------------------ Love is an attempt at penetrating another being,But it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual. |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
I wanted you to know that I read this. I just do not know how to comment on such a personal piece. |
||
|
Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Aaaahh Journals, what better way to exorcise the inner demons, doubts, fears and infirmities? Thanks for sharing something so personal with us all. I would never read someone else's journal under ANY circumstances, so I doubly enjoyed the invitation into yours..  ------------------ Through poetry my heart and soul truly sing... ~Isis~ (Daughter of Mystery) |
||
|
Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
I really don't know what to say.....being a bit of your life, a simpl "nice work" jus doesn't suffice...I enjoyed the read, and I think I can relate to the feeling of being scared that you were the water. I am more afraid of becoming the water than being it now, though. ------------------ Thinking is just what a great many people think they are doing when they are merely rearranging their predjudices. |
||
|
Watcher666 Senior Member
since 1999-10-13
Posts 1606 |
Enjoyed this much.Thank-You for a look at your life. ------------------ Illusion...what we see and what we do...it's all up to you. |
||
|
Alicat Member Elite
since 1999-05-23
Posts 4094Coastal Texas |
Well, let's see...either this was written in the past, with plaintive ties to constructs valid during that time frame; or this piece was written out of a random thought or dream played out in the mind's eye. Either way, it is very probing into the classic 'seven year itch' phenomenom, irregardless of whether or not this incidence lasted that long. Overall, splendid work, with several topics embedded within for continued examination and discourse. Alicat conquered the Oregon Trail |
||
|
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
So simple and straight-forward and heart felt. Even after 20 years of marriage I have had the same doubts at times and not always when I was pregnant. |
||
|
Serain Junior Member
since 1999-10-16
Posts 17Gresham, OR |
remember there is always someone out there who knows you and loves you k |
||
|
X Angel Senior Member
since 1999-11-07
Posts 1521Oregon |
I should have wrote when I was pregnant! This was incredible, I could relate so well Thanks ~X~ ------------------ "The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." ~Eleanor Roosevelt~ |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I really felt this one Satiate. I hurt for you. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||