Dawning Of A New Decade's Dhwani

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Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

0 posted 2010-01-03 02:23 AM

(Here's a new prose reflection I wrote on New Years Eve, originally published on both my Facebook and FetLife accounts but also wanted to post here! )

*

Dawning Of A New Decade's Dhwani
By: Lisping Hibiscus

Holy Rolled Minced Oats! This year has gone by faster than green grass through a goose. It feels like only yesterday when I was leading Hands On Portland's volunteer project at the Annual Thanksgiving Feast at the Twelfth Avenue Terrace: a 119 unit building in downtown Portland built in 1994 that serves seniors at risk of homelessness, also REACH's first project funded through the Low Income Housing Tax Credit program. Heck, half a year has lapsed by since I was decorating parade floats for the 2009 Portland Rose Festival's Grand Floral Parade, but it feels like only half that time has, in essence, drifted by.

Hope y'all have been having the most merriest, mellifluously mesmerizing Christmahanukwanzasol(daisy chain other holiday traditions here) as my good friends Makael Newby and Quynton McDonald would say (I added the parenthesized part!). I've been in an uncharacteristically sentient mode since the day after Christmas Day, housewatching for them as they are visiting in-laws in New Jersey. Makael has balanced many roles, including being a sexuality/relationship coach (she is a card-carrying member of the AESA: Advocates and Educators for Sexual Awareness) and recently published her own book titled "My Erotic Adventure" where you are the protagonist and you decide how far you want a Romp you are at to go, a Certified Dance Instructor with the Ballroom Dance Company for multiple years, and a Guest Care Specialist with Life-Enhancing Dentistry, while Quynton's passion revolves around sustainability and alternative energy issues, who is currently attending Oregon Tech. They only recently moved to Portland from Fort Collins, Colorado, thus are only still connecting with the community, so when they asked me to housesit for them after overhearing previous volunteer opportunities I've taken on during a recent pre-preparation meeting for the second ErosFest Northwest next year, I was most honored they considered me, or even thought of me, and agreed to devote the remainder of this decade to watching over their house, as well as their beloved black labrador Phaedre and their two frisky felines Cleo and Skye.

Though the end of any given year always puts me into a sentimental, introspective daze, I've found myself feeling especially and immoderately emotional, given this also happens to be the end of a decade............and with this year being a transformative one on many fronts for me, particularly the social front............it is more than just the end of a decade in my experience..........it's the end of an era, and the beginning of a definitive epoch of my existence............one where I've finally burst open the temple doors of life in all its essence and flung into Being.

*

As some of you who have been following my Notes piously are well aware, 2008 was an unhappy year for me. In fact, the last several years of my life were mostly disheartening altogether and within the last seven years of my life before this year, I was a recluse in the most part...........which now, in self-reflection, I impute to 1) my complete dearth of self-confidence, which was seemingly as dry as the Dry Valleys of Antarctica, waiting to see rainfall for two million years and counting and harassed ceaselessly by the Katabalic winds of ill-fated karma, 2) living as though I was my story (namely being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and believing I was an untouchable because my limitations would define me more than my capabilities) and my future would be screenplayed by the ghostwriters of my story, and, consequentially, the lack of resourcefulness and encouragement from others due to my aloofness and fear of being hurt again. I lived like a tragic hero who bore the "R" insignia on his bleeding chest, signifying "Repressed".

Then, this year, something miraculous happened. Having felt the consequential repercussions of an overly prudent, phlegmatic life not fully lived, nonetheless also burnished this bonfire within me, flimmering a most fulgurous flare, emitting with epipolic ephebism and engrossment. I reached a moment in time where my hunger to transform and transcend myself had overridden this illusionary echelon devised by fear. From there, having conceded the economy was in too poor a shape to find employment, I set out for volunteer opportunities as a full-time job through Hands On Portland and festivals and, by late March, after a brief setback on the same day as the Spring Equinox I regret having taken place that nonetheless also helped put into perspective the urgent importance of expanding myself, I forged ahead, and the more I immersed myself in various volunteer opportunities, the more I felt both myself and my conscious reality expand and, for the first time in my life arguably (I say "arguably" because I did feel a sense of self-esteem and capability during my years at Denver Academy, although I was still socially mute beyond close friendships with a few teachers) I truly felt knit within the community, threaded with the social tapestry.

Along the way, I also experienced both a spiritual and sexual awakening amidst helping put the first-ever ErosFest Northwest into fruition, where I had become consciously aware of my own repressed sexuality, body-image and creative expression during pre-festival planning and preparation in my conversations and interactions with planning committee members I have since befriended and keep in touch with, and during the festival voraciously reveled in this exosculating, eructating erotic expergefaction that I've already evinced in my four-part poetic prose memoir "Ero-Tune", and could expatiate endlessly in poetry if I wanted to)................and in the process also became acquainted with the spiritual philosophy Tantra and have since read deeper into its beliefs and folklore and attended multiple Portland Tantric Meetups, each time capturing darshanas and getting my yudanaddha on, one subtle breath at a time.

*

Truth be told, though the greater part of the tears I've cried reflecting on this year come from the overwhelming glare of elation I now feel in living much more fearlessly with purpose and realizing the reality that I am capable; socially, spiritually and individually, in following my bliss just as capably as anyone who may not have underdeveloped social skills..........I also feel a shard of sorrow in that I realize how I went for so long strait-jacketed by a scarcity mentality, that my body was commodified by the apparatuses of fear and doweled by doubt, to the point I had an undesirable image of my own body and believed I was never fully capable of love because my Asperger's Syndrome and social eccentricities only depicted me as a muddle-headed Martian in the eyes, hearts and minds of others.............who had a hybrid imagination and emotional hardware drive much like any living organism............who dreamed with unequivocal ardency to be loved in every sense of the word, to be accepted for who I am............having myriads of wet dreams that only made my heart fall victim to asphyxia endlessly............yet believed what I dreamed of was something I could never have, that I could never hold............and yet continued to revel in erotic poetry and these dreams because there was nothing more rapturous, more captivating to me, and I felt more a sense of intrigue and delight vicariously residing in this surreal world of romantic passion and desire than with anything transpiring in reality. It was both the source of my pleasure and pain, and as much as it broke my heart dreaming on and regularly sojourn this exquisitely enticing and haunting realm of human existence, which has made my heart look like Sydney, Australia during one of their recent chaotic sandstorms........a surreal, vesuvian Diwali of a place.............nonetheless clasping a hand over my bleeding chest each morning, lanced by illusion, realizing this wasn't my reality and after routine heartbreak and multitudes of tears cried, believing such love was unattainable.

Now I know the truth. I am not only capable of love, but that we are all loved, and perfection is our natural state of being. I now believe there is a reason why I went this entire decade (first quarter-century of my life, really) enduring the "struggle" I did..........both because of spiritual revelations I've experienced this year, but just as importantly because this was never truly a "struggle". Before, I wasn't courageously surrendering to each moment, I was restrained by the artificial constructions such as "What If?", "Should" and "Security" at each fork of the road and junction. I was shrugging off opportunities and depicting them as tollways in my mind, where just traversing them for good measure and seeing where they took me wasn't worth the miniscule admission: chance. Now that I reflect back on my history to date, just the thought of not embracing opportunity where it arises, for the simple reason that I didn't want to pay chance forward and chose instead to shunpike, is mind-numbing to the most inenubilable extent. After all, the revenue collected at toll booths goes toward road maintenance and the updating and sinewing of our infrastructure. I now like to think of paying the toll fee in the spiritual sense as financing our accessibility to epiphanies, blessings and manna that suffuse existence.

Indeed I read, as a child, this popular "children's book" by Norton Juster called "The Phantom Tollbooth". For those of you unfamiliar with this book, it is about a young man named Milo who, upon returning home from school one afternoon, is blutterbunged to find a miniature toll booth construction kit having been anonymously gifted to him, coupled with this map to "Lands Beyond". Curious as he is, he follows the instructions in constructing the tollbooth then, grasping the map in his hands, rides through the toll booth in his car and suddenly finds himself in what seems like a parallel universe, on the freeway of Expectations. Ever fascinated by this realm he's foreign to, he doesn't pay attention following the map route and thus ends up in the Doldrums: a place where thinking and laughing are forbidden. It is there he is rescued by a "watchdog" named Tock (he has the chest of an alarm clock, thus the ingenious pun) and, after finding their way to Dictionpolis (one of the two capital cities of Wisdom, the other being Digitopolis) are arrested. From then on Milo learns about the history of Wisdom and why chaos is presently abound in its kingdom (because the two young sisters King Azaz the Unabridged and the Mathemagician adopted, named Rhyme and Reason, argued that letters and numbers were equally important, and that didn't resonate well with them, thus was imprisoned to the "Castle In The Air") and feels compelled to rescue the princesses with the help of Tock and a few other companions he makes along the way...........braving the Mountains of Ignorance and other challenging realms, relying on the gifts of Wisdom he receives along the way to carry him through, until he finally rescues the princesses, the kingdom makes amends and Milo is celebrated as a hero, who then drives back through the tollbooth, returns home, is ecstatic the next day to make another adventure through the tollbooth but only finds a note reading "For Milo, Who Now Knows The Way".............and though he is sad seeing the tollbooth has vanished, is nonetheless grateful for how much more colorful and beautiful life, even at its most seemingly bromidic, truly is.

I identify myself with Milo. I think we can all relate universally to Milo's experience. I've befriended others in the volunteering and conscious living communities this year who also brought to light that this year was transformative for them in many ways as well, and others who still cope with adversities and setbacks heading into the new decade but nonetheless feel a thoroughgoing ambience of comfort, and gratitude for all the gifts of Wisdom they have received through their hardships and heartaches and how it is, and will, make all the difference in promising their most fulfilling, conscious, joyous days ahead. I think we can all relate universally to those days where we feel betrayed by the Whether Man and his forecasts each and every day, which are ultimately nothing more than tautologies along the line of "Either there is a way or there isn't a way!" or "Either you can or you can't!"...........without encouragement in heading outside, slapping on the Conscitone and enjoying the Whether. I think we can all relate universally to these days where we wish we were someone else, probably wishing we were Alec or Alexia Bings, so that we have the ability to see through things, to have a heightened perception of life as it is................only to realize the Unspoken Truth that everything is illusionary and the Great Mystery has already gifted everything to us, and we have the power to choose what we want to make "real" in existence and see through life just like Alec or Alexia Bings. And I think we can all relate universally to the immense joy that is found in eschewing Expectations and finding the way to ourselves is through simply Being, and all the sorrow we had to endure before coming to the realization was truly a gift, so that we can live life more profoundly and fully, and spark that nwyevre, or dragon fire, within us, and transmute such ache into ecstasy.

What was different before, and what proved to be the source of much of my malaise, was that I lacked discernment, that I was unfamiliar with the great Principles of Life, including the Law of Opposites, which is based on the principle: "In the absence of that which you are not, that which you are is not.". As I wrote in my previous Note:

*

I failed to recognize the reality that life can't be experienced in a vacuum, that life must be lived contextually so that one can actually experience at full capacity what we choose to live, and that I recognized opposites in the past as hurdles on the 400-meter relay course of existence, as electric fences, rather than as certain signs that I was on the right path toward which I was seeking and fully experiencing that positive outcome. But now I believe from the bottom of my heart that there is beauty in opposites and, moreover, they actually work in concert with each other like gears in a finely tuned watch as is often figuratively described..............which is also what Tantra teaches us I've come to learn.

*

Before I felt like I was incessantly up against the wall, but now I feel like I'm standing in front of a doorway and I've found the courage to open it and continue my journey, or magical tollbooth en route to enlightenment.

Last week, on the Winter Solstice, I attended this Tantric Feast, hosted by local Tantric practitioner Al Polito of the Portland Tantric Meetup. It began around 7:30 PM that evening with a Solstice Meditation, where Al read from a couple of texts which spoke most poignantly to me about how joy and sorrow are truly one in the same (wish I knew the name of the author) and had me thinking of something that didn't cross my mind before..........how sorrow and joy HAVE to be one in the same because both us and the Great Mystery have two dualistic aspects. With the Great Mystery, He/She/It has both a human, mortal aspect, as well as a divine, immortal aspect, and when He/She/It channels His/Her/Ones human aspect, He/She/It is inevitably saddened because He/She/It can't help but feel it will take (wo)mankind collectively a long time to reach His/Her/Ones goal, whereas when He/She/It uses His/Her/Ones divine aspect, He/She/It feels happy and pregnant with hope and purpose. With us, we have one aspect that desires and feels grief and heartache from it, while we have another aspect that aspires to achieve everything the Great Mystery already supplies us with. Joy and sorrow go hand in hand.

The readings were immediately followed by a ritual where we shouted amidst Al's avid striking of his damaru (a double-headed hand drum native to Tibetan culture that is traditionally made from the joined backs of two skulls, which symbolizes the joining of samsara (cyclic existence) and nirvana (emptiness) and their connection elucidating the reality that samsara and nirvana are of the same nature, and is struck with ball-on-string strikers) all of that which we wanted to dispel from our lives heading into the new decade (with me it was limitations, artificial boundaries and compulsions primarily) and was then followed by another stentorian spectacle that was shouting what we wanted in this new decade amidst another round of nearly deafening damaru. By then, the ritual lasted slightly longer, then we proceeded to enjoy a Tantric Feast in triads, sitting knee to knee on blankets and sheets across the floor where we ate our food together after selecting from a number of dishes and treats provided.

Finally we had a gift exchange, where in the Tantric tradition, rather than buying something new for someone else, it is encouraged for the giver to give something he/she already owns and is also of immense sentimental and/or personal value, something that would perhaps ache ones heart giving up, to the recipient. Wrapping up the gift also isn't considered important, but rather sharing to the recipient why the particular gift was special to him/her, and why he/she chose to give this particular gift to him/her. In my mind, it's about valuing the actual gift behind the gift.........recognizing the heart of the giver...........and it proved a most emotional experience for me as I chose to give up this large ceramic decoration depicting a half-dozen individuals holding hands in a circle, which I have always loved because I've always been a pragmatic pacifist and peaceful spirit at heart and I bought the candle about eight years ago when it caught my eye while spending a gift certificate at a trade store and it was both something I could afford as well as something of immense symbolic value to me.

As it turned out, there were an odd number of attendees in the room (nineteen).........and I happened to be the anomaly (I often have been the anomaly at social gatherings in general, both in positive and less desirable contexts).........and I felt confused. Al could sense how I was feeling, and invited me over to where he and another attendee were seated, saying that, in my case, he doesn't know if anyone has anything to offer me, but to choose anyone I want to give my gift to. I chose, then, to give my gift to someone I recently befriended named Dave, because earlier that month I had attended a LoveTribe party called the Rapture, and because I felt all accepted and welcomed at this party, yet got all overwhelmed with all I was experiencing with the dancing and snuggling and erotic play and bright lights and auras and all, and suddenly burst into tears, where then a half a dozen friends encircled me and gave me the space to listen to me as I spoke from my heart and also heard everyone else speak from theirs as well.............and Dave was among them who was also present at the Tantric Feast. So, I asked if I could join his space, and when he allowed it, I presented him my gift, and by the time I got halfway through explaining why I chose to give up the candle and why I wanted to give it to him, I got very emotional, and am so proud of myself I got all teared up and expressive like I did because it demonstrated how I put all my heart into the giving process.........because I love to give in general but, more importantly, I want to feel when I give because otherwise I feel I've fallen short of giving light to the gift behind the gift that makes the giving process especially enchanting to begin with. It was then Melissa (who also goes by Vasa Morgan) joined us and said how it was most moving to see how I expressed myself in offering the gift to him from the heart, and gave me a bottle of lavender oil (I LOVE lavender! ^__^ ).

*

Truth be told, even in years past when my heart yearned ceaselessly for love and acceptance beyond my family, I was nonetheless used to being by myself, living in solitude, because I just believed that I was destined for a heavily secluded, reclusive lifestyle. But now that I know the reality, that I AM capable of achieving and making real anything my heart desires, I've found myself feeling sweet sorrow as I'm watching this house, other than with the company of Phaedre, Cleo and Skye, alone. Everything has changed. I simply can't live by myself like I used to. It is as though I was living inside-out of my body before, and now I'm right-side in, in my own body. I just can't sit and watch television/Netflix for long durations of time anymore, even over an hour really, and instead feel compelled to sink my toes into the community. I just can't sit back and wait for opportunity to knock on my front door, where I now believe often when you want something so much, you must be willing to go the distance, even if it means walking approximately 270 city blocks to get there and your heels are already badly blistered..............and you bet I'm willing and ready to go any such distance (I'm NOT kidding, I've walked that far on a Sunday! @.@ LOL!)

THAT is why volunteering has become my life-blood recently, why I'm willing to spend even sixteen hours in a single day working for free, and I felt I took for granted in previous years the greater beauty of volunteering even when it has always been a virtue to me. The late renowned soldier Peyton Conway March said himself: "There is a wonderful mythical law of nature that the three things we crave most in life -- happiness, freedom, and peace of mind -- are always attained by giving them to someone else." I feel most in tune with myself when I'm able to give these gifts to anyone, regardless if that person is my best friend or a total stranger I'll never quite have the opportunity to get to know. That's why I believe the holiday season is a crucially important time of year above all else, much for the same reason attending the aforementioned Tantric Feast was life-changing for me............it's about discerning and valuing the gift behind giving.

At the beginning of December I spent a Wednesday afternoon helping throw a holiday party for the GLBTQI community at the Friendly House in northwest Portland over at the corner of 26th and Thurman Street. It was there I helped with set-up, clean-up and, in-between, serving refreshments and being the raffle announcer. I was cognizant of my tasks beforehand, but what I dd NOT expect to take place was connecting with some of the residents there. There was one named Neil Heilpern I've since befriended, who works with Mountain Top Metaphysical Ministries as a Spiritual Counselor, and also is an editor and photographer. After I had announced the first raffle winners, he complimented me on my voice then, when seeing my face at a closer distance, mentioned how my eyes have a striking resemblance to those of a previous lover he had, and when asking to share a little about myself, responded with feeling saying he feels like he had known me for so long but only now had finally met me, and that we're of the same heart regarding our previous struggles and what got us interested in spiritual advancement. That unexpected connection truly made my day.

Just one more of many examples of this came with serving a half a dozen shifts (which I led one of them myself) at this annual Benefit Christmas Tree Sale for L'Arche Nehalem: a community in southeast Portland which provides two houses for adults with developmental disabilities and those who share life with them and also aims to "strive to reveal the unique value and vocation of each person." and that by "nurturing relationships of mutuality in which people give and receive love, we desire to be a sign of unity, faithfulness and reconciliation." Volunteers were trained to tell apart Noble, Douglas and Nordman firs, use a hand-saw to cut an inch off the trunk of the tree when requested, process each individual sale and watch over the cash register, inquire newcomers on how they found out about L'Arche Nehalem, and tie Christmas trees on top of vehicles on occasion with twine, along with some smaller miscellaneous tasks. Many nights proved to be uncomfortable weather-wise with the Arctic air blasts and wind gusts, where even having a pair of gloves on failed to keep your hands warm, but my heart remained in the task through thick and thin, and what especially moved me was the sight of many L'Arche Nehalem residents and family members coming by personally to visit the Christmas tree lots..........and sensing the warm gregariousness within each family and group of friends, shaking their hands and even hearing some heartfelt anecdotes from them. In fact, the Volunteer Coordinator with L'Arche Nehalem, Tamara Yates, was herself taken under the wing of L'Arche Nehalem for two years...........and as it turned out, after spending a Saturday afternoon serving a three-hour shift at the Hollywood lot at Northeast 44th and Hancock Street............the very next day at the Sacred Circle Dance I was surprised to see Tamara there...........and we have since become good friends as well.

Then, the Sunday just before Christmas and the Winter Solstice, I spent eight hours with the Radio Cab Turkey Project's On-Site Distribution efforts, which takes donations from many local business-owners and groups, and uses them to purchase turkeys and canned food for families who are unemployed, operated entirely by unpaid volunteers and has 100 percent of the donations go directly to making Christmas for those who cannot afford it, as well as encourage enjoying eating together as a family as an art. The funny thing is, three years ago at KBOO Community Radio, I actually served as a substitute anchor for the KBOO Evening News, and that day we so happened to have a featured in-studio interview with the Radio Cab Turkey Project's founding organizer David Yandell on the project, and I will always remember an excerpt from that interview, where he said: "We’re just volunteering to be human. I don’t even like to call it volunteering. I’m just lucky to be doing what I love to do.” Flash forward three years later, where I had remembered that tender interview, and I knew I wanted to fulfill this year's drive on-site...........because beyond the obviously terrifying effects malnutrition and starvation have on homeless and impoverished families, I follow food insecurity-related issues closely in general, and it is just as horrifying to me researching statistics on how not having dinner together as a family results in an absence of communication, with one study titled "The Importance of Family Dinners IV" published in September 2007 by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University even finding that, compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are 3 1/2 times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana, with another study by the University of Minnesota School of Public Health and Project Eating Among Teens (Project EAT) published on January 9, 2008 concluding that girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are 1/3 less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, at their most mild skipping meals to at their most extreme being full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.

I've always been one who reacts in the general sense to injustice, heartache and anguish in the world out of sadness rather than anger, but I find there is also an angst that comes with sadness that motivates anyone to transmute the angst into a constructive, healing force. I choose to sacrifice much of myself and my time now because giving is what makes me feel human. It isn't even volunteering necessarily to me either. Many made note of how I went on for countless hours assembling the turkey dinner boxes on-site without a break, mentioning how I was "on fire" and that it was overdue for me to have one. In my view, as long as 35.9 million (12.9 million of them children) too many Americans are living below the poverty line (with an unspeakably larger number more in poverty beyond the United States of America) and live restlessly practically each and every day of their lives, to work as intensely and restlessly as I did for 1/3 of one Sunday is the least I can do to show I care..............as is also the case with other volunteer efforts I've tackled on throughout this past year.

*

Beyond volunteerism, I feel most complete giving myself to the world in general, even when I'm consciously aware I have to think of myself and I perhaps haven't done that as much as I should. The truth is, it is connecting with others that I feel brings out the best in me now, just as families connecting at the dinner table brings out the best in each and every family member. I am most blessed to be watching Makael and Quyntin's residence, because they are new to the area and I was raised valuing the virtues of hospitality and accommodating others. I could sense their mild urgency to say the least in finding someone who could watch their house for them, given they are still settling in, so I believed this was something I was meant to do and I am most proud to do, even if the gravity of loneliness to such a responsibility has stung me, and it has been an utmost pleasure playing with Phaedre and walking her through Brentwood Park, as well as brushing Cleo as she's sitting on my lap reflecting on this Note.

All these sentimental tears I've been crying in this final week of this decade are what I consider to be the gift behind the gift in watching over the house of my friends. They confirm that my heart is only strengthening and growing richer in appreciation for everything life has to offer, that I'm authentically present in my own body and soul, and will prove to provide the nwyevre within me as I aspire to find love and be loved, to continue giving, to achieve my fullest promise in life. I believe the Great Mystery intended for this first decade of the 21st Century to be about my perceived struggle for love and acceptance and coming to realize and understand myself in the process, to learn and have compassion for myself in that we are all children at heart still learning to walk, learning to be grateful for everything in life including the worst seizures, heartaches and social setbacks I've endured because they've defined me just as much as my happiest moments in life as the unique, capable individual I am, and finally accept that everything in existence is illusionary and nothing has meaning except the meaning that we give it...............as well as a triumphant testament to the character of resilience and perseverance...............and now in this second decade of the 21st Century, as well as the second quarter-century of my life, I believe the Great Mystery will continue to encourage my metamorphosis into a fully-realized, conscious human being through love and the imbuing of spirituality in every aspect of my life and that, now that I am finding myself, I can now share my gift to the world and, through the Multiplicity Effect, receive everything I have long desired in my life and have bled for in my dreams...........love...........comfort...........passion...........inner-peace............perhaps even self-actualization later in life.

There's no turning back now. Presence is too precious and precocious a place to project passiveness in. For the first time this year, I've even decided to buck the long-established New Years praxis of resolution-making. One of the famed co-hosts of National Public Radio's "Car Talk", Tom Magliozzi, said that happiness equals reality minus expectations. So in the spirit of Milo and his Magical Tollbooth, I'm going to take the long way around and enjoy the backroads beyond the freeway of Expectations. I'm just going to tie this proverbial rope around my waist, tie a double square knot around the rafter of Wisdom, and leap off the edge of this setting decade like a trapeze artist, swinging through the wall of fire with udana gleaning up and down my spine, then leap like a flea onto the dawning decade's alpine meadow on the other end of this celestial continuum.........sporting a brand new badge on my chest.........the letter "C" for "Conscious".

Here's encouraging y'all to transmit your inner-Flare Thunderworm this decade as well, be well, and remember what American writer George William Curtis said...............the new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows. Stick out your tongue to your heart's content and taste the embers of enlightenment in the making! Happy New Years and Dazzling New Decade!

XOXO,
Noah Eaton
(Lisping Hibiscus)

(Special Thanks To Shanya Luther (Torch) For The Beautiful Photoshoot! Hugs & Kisses! ^__^ )

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2010-01-03 03:04 AM

Okay, wow, hot damn - I made it halfway through and need a hot buttered rum break. Noah, you amaze me. You have a fantastic vocabulary and use it extremely well. I love how you weave words and I love how you side-track in explanation.

quote:
Now I know the truth. I am not only capable of love, but that we are all loved, and perfection is our natural state of being.

What a powerful statement of truth.  I am so proud to read your work - even if I have to read it in chapters sometimes.  I am proud of your growth ~ self-growth.  I am amazed at how you reach out to others.

We are lucky that you take time to share with us here.  Oh - and the photography is simply incredible.

I'll be back.  I promise.

Alison

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

2 posted 2010-01-03 07:57 PM

I am back, reading again - and this part of your writing inspires me. You write with eloquence, Noah.

quote:
I was nonetheless used to being by myself, living in solitude, because I just believed that I was destined for a heavily secluded, reclusive lifestyle. But now that I know the reality, that I AM capable of achieving and making real anything my heart desires, I've found myself feeling sweet sorrow as I'm watching this house, other than with the company of Phaedre, Cleo and Skye, alone. Everything has changed. I simply can't live by myself like I used to. It is as though I was living inside-out of my body before, and now I'm right-side in, in my own body. I just can't sit and watch television/Netflix for long durations of time anymore, even over an hour really, and instead feel compelled to sink my toes into the community. I just can't sit back and wait for opportunity to knock on my front door, where I now believe often when you want something so much, you must be willing to go the distance, even if it means walking approximately 270 city blocks to get there and your heels are already badly blistered

Now, I am leaving for a bit and will return to read more later.

xoxoxo
Alison

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2010-01-03 10:33 PM

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quote:
I follow food insecurity-related issues closely in general, and it is just as horrifying to me researching statistics on how not having dinner together as a family results in an absence of communication, with one study titled "The Importance of Family Dinners IV" published in September 2007 by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University even finding that, compared to teens that have frequent family dinners, those who rarely have family dinners are 3 1/2 times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana, with another study by the University of Minnesota School of Public Health and Project Eating Among Teens (Project EAT) published on January 9, 2008 concluding that girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are 1/3 less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits, at their most mild skipping meals to at their most extreme being full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.

Isn't it interesting how so many homes don't have dining rooms any more. They have entertainment rooms, family rooms, great rooms and center islands. Things that make me go "Hmmmm"

A

Still reading and remarking ...

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Thank you, Noah, for this beautiful and intropestive (and generous sharing of you) that is on this board.

Happy New Year - and special thoughts to you.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

4 posted 2010-01-04 03:41 AM

Awwwwwwwwwwww, thanks sooooooooooo much, dearest Alison! You're way too sweet and kind! (huggies)

We're just three days into this new decade and already things have been amazing for me. I'm back home now, and Makael and Quynton couldn't have been happier with how I watched their house and pets, paid me, said they'll ask me to babysit again when they make subsequent trips and also wants to provide me support/advice on finding someone for a future relationship. And the first thing I did to show my support back was ask to buy an autographed version of Makael's new aforementioned book!

Then, I went to two Ecstatic Dances today, and everyone was telling me how much they loved their holiday/Christmas cards I sent them, and another good friend named Bobby Romanski has asked me to consider being hired to his new computer sales business. It's as though the stars are in perfect alignment right now!

(huggies) Thanks Alison, you're the best!

XOXO,
Lisping Hibiscus

"If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other"

Mother Teresa

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

5 posted 2010-01-04 02:48 PM

Positive energy will bring you positive energy Noah. With having said that, only good things will come your way from now on I bet. I am glad you are enjoying your life now, and I must say it is certainly interesting. Not something I quite understand, but that is what makes this world so interesting, we are all very different, thank goodness.

~♥ Mysteria ♥~

Neil Heilpern
New Member

since 2010-06-06

Posts 1

6 posted 2010-06-06 03:01 AM

Noah,
I was surfing the web with my name in the search engine Bing for the first time and found myself referenced in your beautiful description of life enfolding. I want to respond personally, but not in a public blog. Please contact me at
neil@impactnewsandphotos.com
and give me your email address. I just spent the last two hours writing a personal message to you and would love to get it to you soon. Keep smiling. See you at Three Friends Cafe sometime, or elsewhere sooner.
Neil Heilpern (Little Elf)(Nikki)

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