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Bitter
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Bitter |
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detrix23 New Member
since 2009-07-12
Posts 5 |
Bitter Slipped down into a puddle, covered with mud, and a tear streaked face. My heartaches, but that’s how you left. Now I know what I did was never good enough for you; never really seemed up to par. With all those things he and she can do and all your comparisons, how could I ever live up. But don't worry I'm not bitter because you're going to; you're the one that's going to be bitter. When you see me and you realize how brightly I shine and that you're never going to have me again. Well on that rainy day after I was soaked through with the rain, I picked myself up with my own two hands and feet. And I walked away from the memories and all the things that could be. I wiped away my tears and made myself stronger. Who cares if I'm not up to expectation, I gotta do it my way, and that’s the way it’s going to be. But don't worry I'm not bitter because you're going to; you're the one that's going to be bitter. When you see how far I've come, and how much I have changed. I'm going to shine so bright that you'll just wish to stand near; funny how that’s how it’s going to be, now that I'm gone and no longer care. I'm moving on, but that’s when you're going to, because you're the one that’s going to be bitter. I think I use you way too much, also the flow seems very broken. Please tell me what you think and suggestions are welcome. |
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| © Copyright 2009 detrix23 - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
Hi again, well this is sure one familiar story of a love gone wrong. I don't think you used you too much. I do think you may cut out a lot of words that are not needed and will still get your message across. The view of the person sitting in that puddle made your story pretty clear! Great start, go back to it, and cut out some words, and apply more to your character's feelings.  I liked the story.Carpe' Diem, |
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rad802 Member
since 2008-04-19
Posts 279KY U.S.A. |
I am sorry you are having trouble. I hope you find someone. I have heard it said " don't worry about finding the right person, worry about being the right person" so it looks like your on the right track. There are some things that only time can heal. For every door God closes he opens another one. A worthy legacy is the irrevocable consequence of dreaming. |
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