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Internet Love; Rant Part One
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Internet Love; Rant Part One |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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Internet love. Well now, that is certainly an issue that is becoming more and more of a commonplace ideal as each day passes. Yet why the reticence? Why do those not experiencing the feeling have a tendency to mock it, to consider it invalid? Well, I suppose it is the predilection of human beings to be wary of that which they don't know. Mankind has always feared that which poses a possible threat and is unknown. Why is this? Perhaps it is an issue of control. Mankind likes to be able to control his/her environment, and when anything threatens that control, then there is fear and possible retaliation. As most, if not all of you know, I have been bitten by that ever so hungry bug that is running around the forum. Her screen name is severn. She is a caring, intelligent, thoughtful person who has captured my heart as surely as if Aphrodite had come down and cast the spell herself. I have no regrets about "being" with her, and having every intention of traveling from California, to where she lives in Auckland New Zealand as soon as I can manage it. And tonight more than others, I long to do it just that much sooner. You see, her friends are among those that consider the experience invalid. They believe that since we have not met, that any possible relationship must therefore be unsubstantial. According to their precepts, people have to meet first before a relationship can be formed. Needless to say, this is causing her some concern. Of course the opinion of our friends is important. Yet I ask, why are they so closed minded? Ok, so in the spirit of understanding, I am going to post some of my thoughts on the subject. One of the biggest concerns is that you haven't met. The problem people see with this, is that you can be anyone, anything you wish to be, when you can hide behind a screen of words and utilize the delete and backspace keys. This is perhaps a valid concern, but let me ask a question in response. What makes one think that a person you actually meet is going to be any more honest? People are deceptive by nature, if only in small increments. There are always secrets we wish to keep, always times we say "yes" to please someone, when the real answer is "no." Now I am not saying that people aren't good, only that you never really know someone one hundred percent. Hell, most of us don't even know ourselves that well!  It is my opinion, that you can in fact get to know someone better online, through words, etc, than you ever could through real-time dating. When dating, there is always the problems to be dealt with that require physical interaction. More often than not, pheromones will decrease the mental and emotional awareness of each other and form a relationship based on physicality rather than love. Added to that, not being in close physical contact can ameliorate some if not all of the tension inherent in getting to know someone, and allow them a chance to be more honest than they might otherwise have been. Once again, don't misunderstand, I believe human contact to be important as well, and consider a healthy sex life to be an important part of a long lasting relationship. However, I don't believe that most relationships based on physicality have anywhere near the chance of success that one based on mental and emotional levels has. An answer in response to the preceding conclusion, might be that you can get a "feel" for someone when you meet them. How? Do you have a sixth sense that allows you to bypass any facade they choose to erect? Can you tell from a persons expressions what they are really thinking, or if they are lying, even if you don't know them? Again, I think life mirrors life. I know that I certainly get a "feel" for someone after long discourse. There are many people who I talk with on the Internet that I "know" better than friends outside of my computer. Again it comes back to an issue of ease. It is much easier to open yourself to someone you can't see as opposed to someone you can. Again, there is no difference between the two worlds. Ok, this is only a couple of issues, but before I continue, I have to ask for permission to quote a few people. I think this is a valid concern that many of us are dealing with now, or will be dealing with in the future. I think that it needs to be explored in depth by us, the pioneers, so that those in the future may have an easier road. I don't think it's so surprising that as we continue deeper into a more and more technological age, that we find more and more technological ways to go about everything, even love. End of rant part one! |
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| © Copyright 1999 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
I agree Chris, but the meeting is inevitable and must be done at sometime, the sooner the better, before someone's feelings are hurt. ------------------ A hero is a man who does what he can. ~Isis~ (The Fragile Rose) |
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
A rant after my own heart! 'Tis true that internet love is hard but, as you say so well Christopher, knowing the person is easier than knowing the body when you meet online. How do you know the person you are talking to is even the sex they claim? Many answers to that one, most are obvious. I get sick of people talking about online relationships and RL (real life) because it is all real. Just because you can't make eye contact to see what someone is thinking, does that make them any less of a person? Are they less real because you can't hear voice inflection? (telephony programs like SpeakFreely make that obsolete). Much of Severn's problem is jealousy from her friends as well as concern. True friends though only advise and drop it when a decision is made. True friends support you regardless of what you do. They let you make your own mistakes and help you learn from them. By that definition, most all my true friends are online. What it boils down to is who is to live your life. Friends that down on you are not friends at all. For those few unaware, ~one voice~ is my Lady and though we have yet to meet, I love her dearly. Is that love less valid because we are separated by distance? I think not. End of my rant, for now. I think this one will generate more thoughts and responses that will require additional rants. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Dragoness Senior Member
since 1999-08-07
Posts 513 |
Christopher you are right. Internet love is valid. Those who object to it are uninformed, or have never experienced it. I think you can learn more about the inside of a person than a face to face meeting will ever give you. After all isn't it easier to be yourself sitting in your filthy T-shirt and jeans on the computer than dressing up and trying to impress someone face to face? Aren't you more likely to express feelings, deep and dark? I've always felt that what was inside a person is so much more important than what was outside. Internet love is fairly uncomplicated too. You know whom you are meeting, and have a basis of a relationship prior to the actual meeting taking place. By the time you meet someone you know his or her likes and dislikes. And they know yours. A lot of the stress is taken of meeting allowing you to be yourself. After all they already like you. I have meet and had or have relationships with several people I met on the Internet and it has only made my life that much more worthwhile. I now have the brother and little sister I always wanted, I have people that care about my life and me. I wish you all the best with your relationship. GO FOR IT! * Hugs* ------------------ Set you heart free and your mind will follow. |
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Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
Christopher, you are psychic ( or would that be psycho..?).Internet love is no less than the meeting of souls over a distance, be it large or small. I have said my piece about this subject in Feelings, so I'll not reiterate here; however, I will add that in retrospect, I wish that ALL of my relationships had started on the 'net ... I might have avoided some very bad ones that way! Best of luck to you and Lady Severn, Dream and Lady ~one voice~, Michael and Lady pFF, and all the others I've missed! Severn and Christopher ... please accept my most abject apologies for getting the name wrong the first time!  Please don't "squish" me, Severn!  Nocht ------------------ "Nunc lento sonitu dicunt, morierus" (Now as I hear this bell tolling softly for another, it says to me, "Thou must die.") [This message has been edited by Nochtdraco (edited 09-30-1999).] |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
And may that time be soon. I don't have the time I need to post a truly thoughtfully worded response, but I have to say that you have summed it up precisely how I would have (I'm sure that doesn't surprise you... )I'm proud to have found this friendship with you, and though my friends lack any comprehension of this, any empathy, I don't feel that gives them the right to invalidate it. It is the fear of the unknown, but I would add that I think it is furthered by the sheer 'nasty stigmas' which are attached to internet relationships. There are many! Some are well founded, but it is incorrect to judge one individual situation from the basis of others. There. I'm outta that elusive time. Chris - I admire that you are so carefully considering this, it makes me respect you that much more and as usual, you have wonderful insight. Hugs. K. (Oh and Nochtdraco - get the names right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Or I'll squish you!!J/K))[This message has been edited by Severn (edited 10-01-1999).] |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
My son and his wife were married May 9, 1998. They met in a chat room...met in person 2 months later in 'RL' and have been happier than most couples who meet in 'person'!  |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Christopher...you know I have to respond to this one!! I completely agree with you. I am bitten by the bug as well, but have held what you just said as true even before then. I feel that the time I have spent talking to Alicat has allowed both of us to get to know one another just as well, if not better, than if done in person. He'll be with me 'in person' in a month, and I know for myself..getting to know him as well as I do takes away a great deal of the stress that is created in such a situation. I have a few people that I've told, and it became quite clear to me which ones were my 'true' friends at that time. My true friends are nervous for me, and a little apprehensive...but not due to the fact that I've never met him..it is only due to what I've gone through in the past. I guess my point being this..they never once judged either Ali or I for our feelings towards one another.Oh goodness...I could start a rant myself! hehehe, looks like I already did!I'm very happy for you both! [This message has been edited by Satiate (edited 10-01-1999).] |
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Ixtab Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 105MEXICAlpan de las tunas |
Internet removes a world of barriers when it comes to meeting other persons. The most obvious one being Geographical distance. Common interests link up people (sometimes worlds appart in other terms). But it is too easy to set aside the negative aspects as if they didn´t exist. I for one, beleive in love at first sight. Call me hopeless if you wish but nothing beats the live perfume, of the one that attracts me. Dream evil, not makink eye contact sure as hell doesen´t make less of a person, but beleive me that lies, or honesty, is much easy to detect when you see the body languge, the eyes, the flux of "live" conversation before you. Dragoness, the effort one must endevour to be one self while at a live date can be much more rewarding that just conveniently hiding behind screens. Now don´t get me wrong, i´ve got nothing against Internet love, my own brother met his wife through it (they later separetad but thats a completely different story). For me nothing beats meeting with my own mouth , my own eyes, she whom i call love. Respectfully, and greeting from the 13th heaven Ixtab |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Chris: I'll just post this for now and do something off-line but I think it comes down to this: Communication of the heart, mind and soul! HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
I'm just letting my mind do the talking here... Like most people on the internet, we turn our PC's on, surf to our favourite places and occasionally add new people to our ICQ lists or whichever chat programme we use...one day in April last year, someone new came on my ICQ list, I had briefly shared a few posts with him on another board and although I didn't really like him, I guess I was fascinated...we both had jobs in the same field and surprisingly enough, we shared the same humour and I can't remember a time before him when I laughed so much or so easily...he'd pop up at all times during the day and evening and soon we began looking for each other...we started to travel each other's minds on various subjects and realised we shared much of the same philosophies and principles...like turned to respect and fairly soon we knew we were on the road to sharing something uniquely special that neither had experienced before, the open communication, the way we listened to each other, the way we would talk and if we argued the way we would each take the time to explain in case either had misinterpreted the other... He was married and I was just about to separate...We both thought we could handle an affair and some 5 months later we met...I can feel my heart beating now, I'd driven across the border to another country and got hopelessly lost and had to ring him every 5 minutes to guide me through the city ...eventually the moment arrived and we laid eyes on each other...talk about feeling nervous: would I really be as he thought or imagined and how would we be with each other without a keyboard and a screen between us? He was everything I thought...we went for a walk and it seemed the most natural thing in the world for us to hold hands, I'm not sure either of us thought about it but it seemed I suddenly realised that's what we had both done...he forget to tell me we'd go back to the hotel where I was staying before dinner, so I had on high heeled shoes - ever tried walking over cobblestones in high heels?...ROFL, how my feet ached... We had already discussed everything about relationships, what we would both do about the intimate side if that was the route we went and we agreed that neither of us would enter into this 100% unless we were committed. Across the dinner table in the restaurant I knew I was avoiding his eyes, I was terrified he'd see the hunger, to me it was as though we could read each other's minds and few words were necessary. The next day I travelled back home and it would be another 8 months before we met again and this time for 5 days and it was absolute bliss..we enjoyed the same things, laughed at the same things, felt so close I can feel it so much as I type this, my fingers tingle and the image of his face comes clearly into view, the smile that shines from his eyes and which is mirrored in my own... 3 months ago, he decided he couldn't live without his children but because he wanted to be with me 100%, something had to be sacrificed, that something was me...he doesn't want me to wake up alone 360 days of the year ... Today, do I still love him? Yes! Does he still love me? Yes! I still feel the same way as though I've arrived home, a place where I can be me, a place where trust has no boundaries, no beginning or end, it just is! But I also find myself more alone that I have ever felt in my entire life, I try to not show how I'm feeling and how much I miss 'us' but he hopes that time will soothe the pain, but it hasn't for either of us, we're trying to be friends but with so much love between us ...I know I'm being selfish but I felt complete... If I had to try and explain I would say that this is a marriage of the heart, mind and soul...living in exile...in other words, it's like dying alive! ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. [This message has been edited by RainbowGirl (edited 10-01-1999).] |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
Wow I'm sorry I haven't read this until now. It has certainly stirred up many emotions inside of me. For those of you haven't read my prose piece entitled Eyes of A child, I will tell you that I was molested at a very young age, which has caused me to have a very jaded image of the opposite sex, and often I shy away from any sort of contact with males. Even when good intentions come into play, I run in the other direction, or begin spitting and hissing. Bluntly, I can be quite a shrew. A few people on this site have experienced my fear, unfortunatley. Where is this leading? Well, even though I fear men, I still crave meaningful relationships with them. The internet allows me to have that first emotional connection, without the fear. Although I haven't found anyone who has wanted to stick around yet, I'm hopeful. I can be a very solitary person, but PiP has made me feel comfortable more than anything else has in a long time. I'm even comfortable enough to do some joking and flirting! (which is quite a milestone) To end my own little rant, I think internet love is probably one of the best discoveries made in a long time. I appluad those of you who have discovered this, and wish you all luck! Sincerely, Saxoness. P.S- call me Angel. All of my friends do. : ) ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Angel, if I may? Sweetheart, I hear you, I may not have been in your shoes but my own shoes took me to a fairly dark place that I thought I would never wish to go back to but with the help of some of the most compassionate people I have ever met, I trusted and managed to walk back in order to release some of those feelings... I guess it's easier on here because you can take things at your own pace, no one to see the flicker of pain as it crosses your face when someone says something and it strikes a memory deep within...but, you have the whole wide world to chose from here, be brave and take one step at a time and one day, you'll find that someone special who will love you even more for the person you are today because you have been created from yesterday.. Big HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
RG, yes, you may certainly call me Angel. And thank you. You are right. Check your email. ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
Angel: I just did but nothing, so I'll send you one...mail sometimes between the states and the UK can be a bit slow.. HUGS ------------------ You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. |
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Saxoness
since 1999-07-18
Posts 1102Texas |
woops, messed up the address....i'll try again ------------------ "Glory remains unaware of my neglected dwelling where alone I sing my tearful song which has charms only for me." -Charles Brugnot |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Call me the Internet love poster child, Chris...I was as opposed to it as any could be....I didn't believe it could be real, well just look at me know. Indeed, one has to experience it but it has been the truest outpouring of emotion I have ever felt in my lifetime. Thanks for your Rant...enjoyable to say the least. ------------------ Michael Anderson I could not love except where Death Was mingling his with Beauty's breath - Or Hymen, Time, and Destiny Were stalking between her and me. EAP |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
EGAD! I think we've struck a spark here!!!! Thank you every one for exploring this idea with me. With your help, maybe we can make the road a little smoother for those who follow teh poster child, (lol Michael!) So, with that said, I will hit the reply button, and post my thoughs Part Two.... PS... I miss you K! |
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