navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » my attempt again
Passions in Prose
Post A Reply Post New Topic my attempt again Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind

0 posted 2003-03-31 02:24 PM


hello all, here I attempt to write something again. Long time no visit here. Now I'm back. Bear with my beginner thoughts.
-----------------------------------

Rainly day out, I walk in under the shower, with a white umbralla. I turn the handle of the umbralla, as it reflect the light dimmed by the clouds.

Raining, it doesn't disturb my mood as it uses to be. Today I get to see where my boyfriend is working. Along the way, I've bought some cakes for tea break. I think he hasn't had his lunch yet.

When I get to there, all I can see are the customers who are either enjoying their meals, or paying for their bills. I asked one of the lady over the counter.

"Excuse me, is Chef Yeats avaliable? I'm his girlfriend." I nod politely.

"You can't go into the kitchen, but I can ask him to come out. Just hold on a moment, lady please." The woman in white collar suit picks up the phone, mumbles something, then put down the phone again.

"He will be right here with you. Now excuse me." The woman disappears.

I wait and wait. The busy hours have gone by, yet I haven't seen my boyfriend yet, so I ask again when a chef comes out of the kitchen.

"Hello there, I think you must be Miss Jones. I'm Chef Pearson. Call me Peter. I'm friend of your boyfriend. He quits the job a week ago. Didn't he tell you already?" asked Peter.

When I hear this I am in disbelieved. I call my boyfriend's cellar phone, but only to hear voice mail message. So I go to his apartment, where I finally find him. He is in cranky mood and is untidy dressed.

I slap on his face and tell him that's not how he cans get up again, that drinking, and sleeping won't solve the problem at all. He slaps my face and tell me it's none of my business. I tell him if it is your business then it's also my business. He throw the cushions to the floor and ask me to leave. So I leave. Then I return to the apartment.

"Oh, please don't leave me. I never mean to ask you to leave." cries my boyfriend.

"I never say I'm leaving. I go to buy some newspapers for you to search for jobs. I also buy some new cushions. Yours are worn out." I smile.

"You son of a bitch. You scare me to death." He laughs and gives me a hug.

Eliza Simmons
~Every girl has a dream within.

© Copyright 2003 Eliza Simmons - All Rights Reserved
kaile
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore
1 posted 2003-04-04 01:12 PM


Eliza,
I spotted a few typos but i dig the twist in the ending..i was bracing myself for some looong quarrel...

and the happy ending just makes me smile and think positive thoughts about dealing with life...

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
2 posted 2003-04-06 01:03 PM


Ditto with Kaile, except I find your 'typos' add a certain quaintness to this piece. Nice piece, and I love happy endings.
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Main Forums » Passions in Prose » my attempt again

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary