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God, why do you curse me?
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God, why do you curse me? |
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Alpha_Omega Junior Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 23 |
I am walking upon a hill, the sky is gray. Dead streams, abandoned hills, for what? I am walking on a desolate journey, where time has no ending. I cry out why, the fear, races down my back. I am alone, nowhere to roam, burnt acres of nihility. No home, no love...I cast blame upon the god for cursing me with this life. I cannot grasp the hands of my love; I cannot glimpse the beauty of her eyes. Why!? I forget all farewells, all of man who has abandoned me. They cannot help me, I cannot help myself. These fields that I graze upon are my life.... they resemble everything I could have been, everything I am. I gave, and never received, I loved and never loathed. What causes this pain...? Upon the cliffs, of the hill I see an elderly man. Withered by age, withered by fate. "What are you doing in these wastelands sir?" I ask, "These are no places to be for an elderly man, these are places for the shameful and the hated." He turns to me, and suddenly I fall upon my knees, they ache with the lost memories. "Brett, what brings you to me?" the elderly man asks. "Good sir, how do you know my name? Do I know you?" I reply. He walks towards me flawless in steps. His hand he gently rests on my shoulder, suddenly I become engulfed in serenity, only to be taken away immediately. He says, "Of course you do my son, for I am the spirit, I am the father, I am the essence of life, the very life that is in you." Tears of my droughtful eyes burst upon my cheeks and I know, that this is my divinity. "But lord, how could you be out here walking among the shameful, among the burdened?" I say, "This is the realm of sinners, this is my fate." I look up at him, and he is not elderly, he is my love, my Ashley. "Lord, is that you?" I say startling. "Yes my son, this is what you desire, your love, so I come to you as this form, only to ease your pain." He says in such a gentle tone that I could die knowing that I heard my love's voice for the last time. He grabs onto my arm and helps me off of my knee's, and tells me "Come walk with me son, there is many things that you have upon your mind, is there not?" Still startled it takes me a minute to reply eventually I mutter the words, "Yes my lord, there is, I miss my love." We walk upon ember fields. Tears still run down my eyes, I am in such a sensation that this must have been a dream, a dream of pleasures and pain. He asks, "Tell me what is wrong son, I might have created you, but I still need to listen to you." I reply, "My lord, why is that you have cursed me to this place. I have done nothing for which I should be ashamed. You have taken me away from my love; I pray everyday that I may die so that I do not have to deal with the repercussions, so that I may not deal with this obscurity!! Lord I have many questions, but why did you take me away? Why did you sentence me to worse then death?" He thinks long and hard, he gazes into the sky that has gone black, the sky that has died. He finally chooses to speak and says, "Do you know what its like not to feel? Do you know what its like not to love? Do you know what its like not to hold emotions? You know, I wanted to write something about the curse that I live through everyday, but I couldn’t. I wanted to ask god why he lets live this life…but I couldn’t. So know, I’m just going to tell you my feelings… Why do I live? I don’t know it pains me so much that I can’t bare it I want to end it all. But I feel love, and that is what holds me back. I want to grip onto it and never let it go, but its too loose. I live day to day, wondering, hoping that I might die the next day. I wake up, and go through the same process. Wishing, asking, but none draws me into it. I want to shed my tears but they run dry, I want to shed my tears for knowing that I can do nothing to change my fate! I can do nothing to change me! I wish that I would not wake up one night. What happens when I wish this? I wake up the next day. I feel that god spites me to live; he curses me to survive in this pain! Do you know what its like to not feel the return of love, but you give so much of it? Its painful, it make me loathe until I cry, it makes me cry until I die. For infinity I feel this. I live in a separate life from everyone, a separate world, and a separate reality. My world is too far to call home; it’s a tormented place where my soul lies from day to day, awaiting death. This reality has stricken me with a curse, a wrongful sin, and a life…. Everyday, I cry to me leave…I curse god so that he may give me pity and strike me down from where I stand! No one can feel this pain that I go through… No one… Im sorry to the ones that have read this pitiful piece...or whatever you may want to call it... |
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GG Member Elite
since 2002-12-03
Posts 3532Lost in thought |
ever read the book of Job from The Bible? Satan in essence, tampered with his life. He took his riches, his family, his servants, his cattle. Yes satan took those things and yes God allowed it. Job, though, while mourning, in a shameful state, looked to his friends who said to curse God. But Job refused. Job said "the Lord has given the Lord has taken, blessed be the name of the Lord." You wrote this piece wonderfully, and of course, because things are best written when heartfelt, with the deepest of emotions. *hugs to you* hang on, when all else fails, faith hope and love really do remain. Always, GG - And so it was that time stood still - |
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Jaime
Registered
MemberPosts 250 |
Humans are generally a lot stronger than they think they are. I believe (not because of "God") that everything happens for a reason and you may not know what that reason is at the time, but it is there. Anywho, I liked this. It was very honest and raw. Shows a lot of inner conflict. i was here |
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majnu
since 2002-10-13
Posts 1088SF Bay Area |
while written with passion and feeling, the jumbled nature of piece is a bit tiring. i also disagree with your final plea. why ask he who is pitiless for pity? as a human all you have is your will and your mind, both with which to master yourself and challenge all that would limit you. why bow to an omnipitance that allows suffering? -majnu |
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beckly New Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 6 |
This seems to me to describe the anguished alienation that is so common in our age, to exist alone in a hostile world. |
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