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Crossing Paths
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Crossing Paths |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
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You are a wanderer of the streets of an unknown city, on an unknown night, at an unknown hour. Your eyes, alive (though dead) and sharp (though faded) scan the landscape and each passerby of the street you tread. A woman, thin and bold, crosses your path. Another woman is seen at the foot of the church’s concrete steps, knelt in prayer. You venture into each being’s existence... The blue-eyed beauty promenades the sidewalk, gaze transfixed on the goals ahead. Her stride is sure and steady, and arms swing neatly at her sides, alternating with each step. Her perfectly crafted fingers grasp a leather briefcase, containing prominent documents pertaining to the latest stock exchange. A golden cross is worn on a brilliantly shining chain, complementing her ironed blouse. The hair of the woman seems as though it was done by a professional; one liscenced to create a facade of beauty. No wisps or strands are split or out of place; their falling is perfection. Last Sunday, you suspect, was spent at the church, praying on command. The lesson was heard, but not learned; her time was spent with endless gossip and bland coffee. Her hollow blue eyes wander past your own thoughts, piercing your mind with hatred and judgement. The woman in prayer, as your observations become sharp, appears withered and torn. Her bones are covered inadequately by the sickly green skin she wears. The dress, or remains of a dress, caresses her muscle-deprived shoulders. Is there beauty in this life? Yes...It shimmers in the stillness of the moment, filled with the wonder that only natural occurance could bring. It is the hair which thrives upon a scalp, hiding with their strands a mind of majesty. No wisps appear out of place; their falling is perfection. She, too, wears a golden cross on her neck. The chain, however, is rusted and old. The cross’ glow is faded, perhaps so by many kisses from the woman’s weakened lips, but its magnificence still reigns. As she mouths the words to an adoring prayer, you grasp a sense of joyous weeping. The woman ends her prayer and raises her head, looking straight into your eyes, searching for a soul that only the meek may comprehend. Her face is littered with diamond tears, reflective of the burdens shared between herself and you. The eyes of this woman are blue, as the one passing before, yet they hold a deeper kindness, a crisp acceptance that is new to your life. The scene of the women dissapates into a dampening fog, and you make the realization that nothing was seen. (What is Truth?) The grimly judgemental gaze remains in the fabrics of your memory, staring at the enchanting blues of acceptance, also dwelling in your mind. Who will triumph? |
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| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow this was very deep carly. I enjoyed this VERY much. Very well. I didn't think you wrote short stories or thoughts like this. You write very well. It's hard for me to do something like this and you've done if wonderfully. Wow, great job!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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ccwryter Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 16TX USA |
Very well done, Child. Second person POV is, IMHO, the hardest form of writing, and you carried it off beautifully. Excellent description and imagry. The last line did throw me the first couple of times I read this, though. I kept looking to see who the who referred to. Perhaps you could change the who to which? Just a thought... Mike |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is a VERY impressive piece. Your writing style is very advanced, and the subject is really touching. A lot of depth and truth in this one, and I enjoyed it a lot. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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Dusk Treader
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 1187St. Paul, MN |
I have to agree with the other that this was a very well written piece. You style and skill shows through very well. Enjoyed the tale just as much and the comparisons between the two women.. I too wished the identity of the narrator was revealed, though... Wonderful writing though!  "And every state of mind, left to itself, every shutting up of the creature within the dungeon of its own mind - is, in the end, Hell" - C.S. Lewis |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
This is just great! I love your poetry as well, but this is something really different and wonderful. Keep it up. "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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