»
Main Forums
»
Passions in Prose
»
You'll Never Know
| Passions in Prose |
|
You'll Never Know |
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia 
|
You'll never know. You'll never know how it feels to be powerless, numb to your actions and their consequences. You'll never know how it feels to be so far gone, to look into the mirror and not recognize the face of the person looking back with big blank eyes and an unwritten expression. You'll never know how it feels to hate yourself for what and who you are, but still know that you can't change, that you're not that strong. You'll never know why I do it, or why I don't stop; you'll never know that I can't. You'll never know how it feels to think that eyes are constantly staring into and through you. You'll never know what its like to have so much hate for yourself built up inside of you. You'll never know how it feels to end up crying on a bathroom floor and have that be the high point of your day. You'll never know what thoughts go through my head while I'm on my knees with my finger stuck down my throat. You'll never know the inside of a toilet bowl intimately like I do. You'll never know the pain of knowing the name of this disease, this chronic illness and not make an attempt to ask for help because I'm afraid of what everyone else will think. You'll never know me, or how I feel inside. You'll never know what drives me to do this. You'll never know how it feels to never be able to be yourself, always an actor playing this role of a normal, healthy person without any huge problems. You'll never know the actions I take or the lengths I go to. You'll never know that I'm powerless or how much I hate being so. You'll never know how afraid I am, my main fear being myself. You'll never know the taste of dry tears on your upper lip as you cry yourself to sleep at night. You'll never know how it feels to pull off this ultimate joke, letting people think you're normal. You'll never know how afraid I am that my lie will be found out and I'd have to face someone familiar instead of that familiar stranger in the mirror. You'll never know, but if I told you, you'd pretend to know how it feels, or how much I have to hate myself to do this. You'll never know what I'm thinking because I hide my dissatisfaction with myself and my life. You'll never know who I am, but please carry with you that I can be anybody. You'll never know. I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. [This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 03-24-2001).] |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Jennifer Floyd - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I have a critique of the format: I'd cut this into smaller paragraphs. Of the content: I think if this is YOU, you'll find a lot of people feel just like this, have experienced this, KNOW this. I felt the pain in this. Felt the anger and bewilderment. |
||
|
Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I agree with you.. I went back and fixed the format. I hope it's a little better. --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Yes!! Makes it easier to read and there's an impact now that wasn't there before. I like the You'll at the beginning of each paragraph... |
||
|
Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
I dont really know what to say to this peice, it is defenitely powerful. I can feel both anger and sadness in it. I can relate to the frustrations of an eating disorder, not as a person with it, but a friend of someone who has delt with it in the past. This is a very well writen work. Thank you for sharing it with us. Keith every day is a new day with which we can change the world |
||
|
Pearls_Of_Wisdom Member
since 2000-09-02
Posts 175 |
Thank you for sharing this emotionally impactful and poigniant piece. I sincerely hope that this character is only a character and not you. Although I've experienced depression instead of bulimia, I can definitely relate to the feelings of powerlessness, inner conflict, and self-loathing. If this is you, I hope you do realize, however, that you are not powerless. Although this is a "hard" lesson to learn, it is even harder to avoid learning it. For me, the realization finally came that if I had enough power to create this much pain for myself, I had equally as much power to create joy. And maybe you don't even have to believe that that's true; maybe you need only believe that it might be. It's sad that so many people have to wait until the pain becomes totally unbearable before they are willing to take action to change. Good luck to you and/or to anyone else who has experienced this in their life. You can rise above it, I promise. |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I did like this, Marie. You know you can always talk to me about these things, I'm not going anywhere.  On a technical note, yes I thought the paragraphs were organized nicely, seeing as this is the final version of it. It all works great together... As a whole, this piece has a great message and powerful impact. You did wonderfully.  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well... as a minor point of critique - "you'll never know" was a good repetition. I would have thought it would be painful after a while... but it only added to the helplessness eeking out of the piece. As to the content... no one will ever truly know exactly how one feels - it's impossible, seeing as how we're each individuals and see life and experience things through the veil of our own pasts. However, that doesn't forego empathetic understanding... "Alone," I think, is one of the most terrible words in the English language. Peace, Chris |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
