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Whistling
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Whistling |
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Midnight Dew Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 50Forest Lake, MN |
Whistles always preceded her. Her friends always knew when she was coming, for she whistled while she walked. The cheerful trills echoed through the air, creating smiles upon the faces of the listeners as their days were brightened slightly, by a simple little melody. One boy in particular was affected. It was like a disease, eating at his mind, as he grew more and more dependent upon the whistles, more and more obsessed with the girl. For she was beautiful as well. Long, flowing, ebony locks fell across her shoulders. Warm, coffee-brown eyes wrinkled as her lips split into an engaging smile. Her cheeks were round, her skin was pure. Overall, she was gorgeous, made more so by her uplifting personality. He had to have her. He plotted, schemed, worked out a schedule. In the end, the boy resorted to simple courting to lure her into his web. The girl fell in love with the boy, and her whistles echoed more loudly than ever. However, the boy was not content. Other people could still hear her, share in her beauty. The jealousy within the boy grew and grew. He became more and more convinced that her beauty of body and spirit was meant for him and him alone. One day, the boy saw red. When asked, the girl spent the evening with one of her friends, leaving the boy completely out of it. He was enraged. When she returned to their simple little house, he was waiting and struck her down. He saw the horror of what he had done, as she no longer trilled her little melodies. His life was suddenly empty, so he took it. Her friend discovered them. Tears rolled down the faces of people all over the town, for the girl, and strangely enough for the boy. As they gathered around her gravesite, the girl’s parents passed whistles around to all her friends. Whistles had always preceded her. Thus they preceded her into her grave. ~Caitlin Hull~ "The Holy Spirit makes up all our souls, and when it 'flexes' it makes us do great things." [This message has been edited by Midnight Dew (edited 03-07-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Caitlin Hull - All Rights Reserved | |||
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was quite a beautiful piece. I always love repetition like that. Good job here; you've conveyed quite a powerful amount of emotion here. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" -- Magus |
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Dawn Eclipse Senior Member
since 2000-01-31
Posts 637The Horsehead Nebula |
An interesting idea Catalin. Once you get down to the boy getting really jealous, it gets a bit confusing, at least for me. Flesh out the ideas that you're bringing in. It would be more clear. thanks for the read. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other course, no other way... No day but today" ~Broadway Musical RENT~ *Cassandra Roseen* |
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Maverick Wolf Member
since 1999-11-13
Posts 94Scandia, MN |
I think it was a good write. As far as a reaction, I'm really missing one. I don't know what to say. I tlike the ideas that are brought out. I don't think it's a lack of clarity that causes some confusion, I think it's a lack of development. That's my 2 cents. Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery, and today is a gift. That's why they call it the present. |
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Secret Whisper Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298Through the Looking Glass |
I guess I am just an "open-statement" kind of person, so I like the skeletal structure. It lets me expand on it in my own mind and develop everything that I want develop. Vagueness is a tool. Anyways, I liked this write a lot, it gave me a strange eerie feeling. Which I like! Wonderful writing. "Death marks the beginning, not the end. It is our journey to God." --Billy Graham |
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