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Six Weeks of Nothing
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Six Weeks of Nothing |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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Don't eat or drink or smoke from midnight on, Before the surgery Monday at noon. It's Sunday eve, my dread is so far-gone, Anxiety has gripped me, I assume, Since last was I within a sterile room, Was when I birthed a child. It has been quite, A spell of time since a sharp scalpel loomed, Near my helpless body. You see, my fright, Is not of pain, but of things not gone right, And for six weeks I'll be recovering, You will do NOTHING, it will expedite, the scar formation, healing. Ev'rything, Depends on that. Oh, help me, Lord, will I, Be able to get through this, and comply? warmhrt [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 01-10-2000).] |
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Hawk183 Member
since 1999-12-24
Posts 130 |
Warhrt... This is a good one. Is it about a woman going in for a hystarectamy? If not...sorry. Anxiety has gripped me, I assume, I'm not sure of this one...I don't think the "I assume" fits here...because she is quite sure of her dread... I like the rhyme scheme. I am a bit confused at who it is that is going to do "nothing." It could be that I'm real tired...so I'll read this one again in the morning...Nice work though! Hawk |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Hawk, Nope...not a hysterectomy(thank goodness!) Less common surgical procedure. It is I who will do nothing.... The "I assume" is referring to the reason for the anxiety...that I have not been in a hospital for anything but childbirth, and that was quite a while ago. Does it seem to fit better now? Thanks for reading and commenting, Hawk. g'night warmhrt |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
WH: I thought you said you were done with sonnets, lady? And you almost slipped this one under my nose. I told you they were addictive!  I am still amazed that you are turning them out so quickly. You've written twice as many as I have in less than one third of the time.This looks to me to be of the Spenserian format (abab/bcbc/cdcd/ee). I am glad you started using enjambment. This sonnet seems to read much easier than some of your previous ones. Your meter stumbles in places though. "Don't eat or drink or smoke from midnight on, Before the surgery Monday at noon." Good opening. Just thought I'd share this with you. "Surgery" is naturally "dactylic" (DUM-da-da) but "-ery" is pronounced so quickly that "Surgery" could be considered (according to Edgar Allan Poe) as "bastard trochaic foot". This means you could, justifiably add an additional syllable to the line, considering "surgery" to be two, rather than three syllables for the purpose of preserving your iambic meter. Kinda neat, huh? "Since last was I within a sterile room, Was when I birthed a child." Should be "Since last I was within..." I think. "It has been quite, A spell of time since a sharp scalpel loomed, Near my helpless body." I'm not sure about "quite a spell". It is very colloquial/slangy. Maybe that was your intention, though. "And for six weeks I'll be recovering, You will do NOTHING, it will expedite, the scar formation, healing." I don't think you need to capitalize "NOTHING". It is forceful enough in a line that substitutes a trochaic foot (DUM-da) at the beginning of an iambic line. (Good use of the substitute foot, by the way). The line reads: "YOU will / do NO- / -thing IT / will EX- / -ped-DITE" Do you see how "Nothing" stands out when it is preceded by two unstressed syllables? Just my opinion, though. As with all my opinions, take them or flush them. "Ev'rything, Depends on that." Effective short line. "Oh, help me, Lord, will I, Be able to get through this, and comply?" I would loose the comma after "this". Had to think a little bit to link "comply" with the doctor's orders. Well, gotta go now. I look forward to reading your next sonnet. Heh-heh. Another victim of Sonnet fever. Jim "If I rest, I rust." - Martin Luther |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
WH, This seems not to be traditional subject matter for a sonnet, but that only adds to the interest. I know the meter stumbles a little here and there and there are a couple of near rhymes. But this is obviously intended as a fun piece so I can forgive those minor transgressions without hesitation. I have been pretty lucky in being able to avoid hospitals all but once but my parents have not been so lucky. So I do have a little experience with your subject matter. I think reading this poem might help, at least a little, ease the intrepidation of someone anticipating such an unpleasant visit. Thanks for the read. I won't try a real critical analysis as Jim has already done that quite well. Give us some more easy reading like this. (Dear me, I hope I haven't completely missed the point here.) Pete |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, Thank you for taking the time to read a once again bumbled sonnet. I don't think I'll ever write a really good one. Jim,teacher, Of course, you were right about everything. Yes, it's Spenserian(my first), and all of your corrections, except maybe "a spell of time", are good suggestions. I sure hope that someday I'll write one that you, nor anyone else, has to correct. 100 sit-ups, you say? Grasshopper |
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