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Critical Analysis #1
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Life
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Life |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
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Life Life is like that of a caged bird, Capable of beautiful song and flight, But, only so an hour. The door is opened, And freedom... Tasted for a bittersweet moment, Until it is no more. Life's dreams remain empty, Hopes never whole; And so, the caged bird, no longer sings; For, there is too much of pain. Realizing that happiness, the unattainable illusion, is but an occasional act in a neverending drama of emptiness, with no chance of escape. * Melissa Honeybee * |
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| © Copyright 1999 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JOY 14 Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419Wisconsin USA |
Being given a taste of freedom but then being taken away and imprisoned for the rest of your life. The image of a bird in a cage seems to fit this very well. "Life" No escape, so the bird sings no more. Let us hope the bird still can see freedom and think about it once in a while. It is just beyond those bars. What is to break them for experience in the journey we call LIFE? Enjoyed, Melissa! Surprising to see no replies to this. JOY |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
Melissa...I don't think I'd change a thing on this one. It speaks great volumes in few words. You have a good use of imagery in your poetry and your messages speak loud and clear. |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
I agree with Ruth bar one thing... the mix of capitals and small letters at the start of lines - it disrupts the flow slightly. I'd be inclined to be consistent - for this is a poem of flow and it needs to be maintained.  |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
True Severn, I was so caught up in everything else I neglected to notice that in the final 4 lines...good eye |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, "Life is like that of a caged bird," Perhaps consider omitting "like" to give it a more definite analogy. "Capable of beautiful song and flight, But, only so an hour." Careful of typos, is "so" supposed to be "for", typos can detract from the poem and its flow. "The door is opened, And freedom..." Personally I'm against most uses of the "...", I don't find the usually add anything to a poem. "Tasted for a bittersweet moment, Until it is no more. Life's dreams remain empty, Hopes never whole;" I thought this part of the poem could use a little more meat on its bones. I found it lacking in descriptions. "And so, the caged bird, no longer sings; For, there is too much of pain." "Realizing that happiness, the unattainable illusion, is but an occasional act" I liked these three lines. "in a neverending drama of emptiness, with no chance of escape." I found the ending kind of a let down. Thought it could use more punch....just an opinion. Thanks for the read and take care, Trevor |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Melissa, I liked this very much...the metaphors used to create the imagery were done well, and the feeling in it comes across nicely. I relate personally to this quite a bit, and that always adds to one's interest in a certain piece. Good work! warmhrt |
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lily Junior Member
since 1999-12-27
Posts 16united states |
the only thing that i didn't like about this poem, is that it has a theme which is used a lot, and metaphors that are often used to describe this theme. it is evident that you have a great deal of talent, though. |
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