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Supernova
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Supernova |
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Aegis Junior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 28 |
"Supernova" The battle of an inner universe, dreams shattered, hope destroyed, the clock stopped, silence so terrible, the loneliness so vast, so void, my energy collapses, the heavens weep, so small I become, I am but a faint star, invisible in the background, beyond galaxies, locked up in dimensions, hydrogen peroxide boiling, as the solar empire closes upon me, the abyss gazes back at me, I gaze back, while my blasted soul runs out of fuel, among the millions of trillions of stars that God promised in creation, I am but a very little star. O' wherefore the stars do burn, I have seen doomed stars die, when they burst, the heavens shake, so violent is the destruction, planets and galaxies nearby disintegrate, spinning out of control, crashing into each other, then silence reigns, and it is no more heard, In the bottomless void I drift, marooned in worlds afar, ancient in memory, the loneliness so terrible sanity is ruined, insanity reigns, the shell covering me shatters, the energy surrounds me, the light so radiant, the void backs away, the stars groan, the night flares up, I burst, the shock waves annihilate planets, and behold, brighter than Betelguese, lovelier than the oceans of Earth, a doomed star shines, brightest in the sky, and hence it's known as a supernova. I looked at the stars gleaming like the waters, and on the ground I laid, looking upwards at the stellar skies-- black as darkness in the forest, clear as water, aching as memories! [This message has been edited by Aegis (edited 12-08-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Aegis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i really liked the imagery in this poem. in the middle especially, it was almost romantic. one thing that seems out of place here is the rhyme scheme that you keep for a few lines and then drop, never to be seen again. i personally like it better without a rhyem scheme, so why not abolish it altogether? |
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Aegis Junior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 28 |
Hi Roxanne, The only line I'm really worried about is this... the night flares up, I burst, then burst again, and the boldfaced part, I was thinking about eliminating. Would that make the poem sound better? As to the rhyming scheme, any rhyming that came in this poem must have been a complete accident. When people gave me advice in the past, they said to stick either stick with rhyming, or don't use it at all. I'd agree with you, but what if it is an accident, and it's very infrequent. It's pretty unusual for me to give suggestion to the person who's suggesting something to me, but is it possible for you to ignore looking at the rhyming scheme? I hadn't planned on it. Oh, and many thanks. I looked at the stars gleaming like the waters, and on the ground I laid, looking upwards at the stellar skies-- black as darkness in the forest, clear as water, aching as memories! [This message has been edited by Aegis (edited 12-06-1999).] |
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Debbie Pendleton Junior Member
since 1999-11-25
Posts 13 |
Aegis, This poem made me feel as if I was really there... fighting a war it seemed to be...I can see it...feel it...taste it. *Debbie* |
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Aegis Junior Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 28 |
Debbie, Yeah it tastes bittersweet and feels romantic at the same time doesn't it? well... I'm omitting that part I don't like. |
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