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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Alone |
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Rashka Fyre Blackheart New Member
since 1999-10-17
Posts 7 |
Cry, all alone it doesn't matter they are gone it doesnt' matter scream it doesn't matter no one can hear. agony it doesn't matter no pain can describe fear its all that matters, all alone cry, scream in agony in fear its all that matters. *Just looking for some insight, and wondering what ya'll think* ------------------ Tomorrow is a new day, Tonight is never ending, Love it to its fullest, And Passion is forever. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Rashka Fyre Blackheart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
i love the repition. (sorry that i missed this one the first time through, i usually try to reply to all the new poems, but sometimes, i don't get to them.) what i think might improve it is changing its format. cry ....................................all alone it doesn't matter ................they are gone it doesn't matter .....................scream it doesn't matter ...........................no one can hear ........................................agony it doesn't matter .....no pain can describe .........................................fear it's all that matters ............................all alone ..........................................cry .....................scream .....in agony ..............in fear it's all that matters do you see how the position of the words can contribute to the feelings exhibited by the narrator?? just a thought.  ps the .............'s are supposed to be spaces, but my comptuer doesn't want to let me do them. [This message has been edited by roxane (edited 11-09-1999).] [This message has been edited by roxane (edited 11-09-1999).] |
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Minterra New Member
since 1999-10-28
Posts 8Rochester, NY, United States |
Nice poem, Rashka I agree with Roxane about the spacing. The repetitive nature is the key to the poem, so you would want to emphasize it in some way. Although I would go the other route, and have "it doesn't matter" indented instead, since that's the follow-up of the actions. |
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Rashka Fyre Blackheart New Member
since 1999-10-17
Posts 7 |
Thank you for your idea! I really like the ...and I might use them, even instead of the spaces. I like using .... but shy from them, because others don't like the openess, thank you! |
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Vers Librist Junior Member
since 1999-11-10
Posts 16 |
I loved it, with or without spaces or ellipses. I love repetition in poems when it's done right! |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, I think some of the suggestions are very interesting and it does give the poem a more experimental feel to it. However, what bothers me the most is the lack of any real context. This would probably turn it into a very different poem (and therefore should perhaps be disregarded) but I really would like to see this feeling placed in a specific situation and a specific place. Give me the details and I'm a happy man. Brad PS I'm a repetition fan as well. |
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