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Critical Analysis #1

Silent Lovers

Lori
Junior Member

since 1999-10-28

Posts 11
Pulaski,Tn. USA

0 posted 1999-10-28 08:02 PM

For today is the beginning, and only we choose to start or finish. For it is with the coming of the sun,
that race we must run.
For we are the makers of all words said,
and only we can dance slowly,
Gliding into the world of softly holding thoughts.
We alone can give each other that needed power,
sharing our friendship in silent pleasure.
In the silent hush of the twilight pale.
We alone can whisper are tale.
For we are the silent lovers,
and only we can choose to start another day.

roxane
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 505
us

1 posted 1999-11-02 11:12 AM

i realize that this poem was probably intended to be vague, but it kind of leaves me questioning what the whole thing was about. some minor things that i think you could change in order to clarify this piece are

*don't begin the first lines with the word "for". "for" is conjunction. it's kind of like starting a sentence with the word "and"
ex: "And I ran."
what caused me to run? what was i running from? when did all this take place? You must explain your lines. like "there is hope, for today is only the beginning. only we choose to start or finish." (did i mention it's confusing to have more than one conjunction in a sentence?) towards the end, you correctly use "for" ("we alone can whisper OUR tale. For we are silent lovers.")
the only problem with that would be the spelling error and the incorrect puncuation. there should not be a period after tale, but a comma before for.
* explain the "needed power".
* clairfy how the silent lovers have power over the days and the nights. that really puzzled me.

of course this is your poem, and you are free to make you own decisions regarding it. i can only offer my humble suggestions.

Nightspear
New Member

since 1999-10-20

Posts 8
Michigan, USA

2 posted 1999-11-03 03:26 AM

I agree w/ Roxane. It leave me questioning too.

------------------
Nighspear{~*~}

Believe not what you see or hear, believe only what you feel

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