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Critical Analysis #1

favorite color

karneliann
Junior Member

since 1999-10-28

Posts 44
Baltimore, MD, USA

0 posted 1999-10-28 04:17 PM

i welcome any comments, questions, or concerns. read on...

how can I have a life
when I don't have a favorite color?
why does celluloid take such a grip
when I can't grasp my own unease?

and when I live, I live in pieces
patched together from the tv shows
that haunt my heavy limbs
and make my voice inaudible

the tears that fall for fantasy
inexplicable and passionate
compensation for my lethargy
in true and breathing worlds
where I bounce from tea to coffee
with no respite for my tongue

although I speak of the exotic
I frequent the supermarket
between lavender and mtv
the bitter battle rages.

------------------
"My empire is of the imagingation." -- She

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

1 posted 1999-10-28 05:45 PM

I thought this was good! I enjoyed reading it, but I'm not sure about the third stanza.
I had trouble deciphering it.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 1999-10-28 05:50 PM

Very haunting, moves easily with flowing thought, while describing the world we sometimes inhabit when we are in flux. I like this piece, and hope to see more from you soon.

Welcome to Passions.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 1999-10-28 07:47 PM

I actually liked this piece, it flows well and reads easily. I might suggest an "and" in the next to last sentance though making that last stanza read:

although I speak of the exotic
I frequent the supermarket
and between lavender and mtv
the bitter battle rages.

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