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Critical Analysis #1
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In Moments Spent Alone
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In Moments Spent Alone |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
"learn to love yourself?" you show me how you show me, the pariah of the social system how to get up on time and wash my hair "i think that we're beyond the point of proving our friendship" as if that isn't the insipid answer i expected from you how do you prove something you scarcely feel? and the times when i'm blaming myself for not belonging with you, i'm further perpetuating the cycle "everyone knows you are beautiful and intelligent." so intelligent that i'm failing precalculus and spanish so intelligent that i hear the snickers and whispers of the entire junior class i should have known from someone who laughs so heartily at typos and as for the beautiful i have a scenario i'd like to relate to you once i woke up, my eyes swollen shut from crying, my headache flaring up again, and my body covered with the sleep scars of pajamas and sheets god i was beautiful upon the sight of this reflection, i cried through the dams of my gluey eyes and wondered out loud "why why why??" "so your head is going to explode?" you say this to me and aside that i'm not completely sane tell me then, what precious commodity is sanity that it merits this torture? and my head it is going to explode one day or the next I don't particularly enjoy the comments you make that reverberate in my diseased head they are the cause of much pressure too much pressure "she can contact us if she wants." oh no i can't i'm on another plane of existing all alone with my thoughts and the only way i can get throught is a straight line up to you passing through my head sorry ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
wow roxane, I thought this was good, such a trip into someones life and mind, the execution of the poem was good too, with the differing length of the lines adding to the feeling of despair and confusion, wow, again, this is very intriguing  I never know if a poem is current in someone's life, but if this is and you need a hug, you got one from me ok? [This message has been edited by Iloveit (edited 10-28-1999).] |
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loyd168282 Junior Member
since 1999-09-10
Posts 12lou,ky jefferson |
i seem to not get your point,but a good poem. |
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Littlewings Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 62 |
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marzar New Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 6 |
I can feel your frustration. Your words are powerful and show the pain precisely. Interesting form. I loved it! |
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just me Junior Member
since 1999-10-29
Posts 15marysville, wa USA |
I've never read a poem quite like that, but I loved it. With each line your heart fills with a little more despair, and I detect a little anger here also? I can FEEL this poem. Very good. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
roxanne, This poem reads well. I would have preferred seeing the speaker's response to some of the cliched advice that was given but do you realize that you've created a poem that shows the advice itself as the problem? Somehow, intuitively, the speaker knows that the words are useless and at the same time feels compelled to search for their meaning. The poem reverberates with someone who is fighting against mainstream thought and at the same time desperately trying to come to terms with it. It's a paradox of Western society that everybody tells you to be an individual but only individualistic in certain prescribed ways. Thanks, Brad |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
This poem is packed full of interesting imagery and symbolism. I can see a few places where the flow could be tightened up a bit, but overall it's new and refreshing both in its format and subject matter. |
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