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Dreading the computer
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Dreading the computer |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
It was summer, the sun burning high in the sky, the wood porch in the back was high, on the second floor, a table and umbrella were there and I was sitting, thinking peacefully and in silence, the birds were sweeping the sky, making afternoon shadows, the clouds slowly drifted past, the winds were soft; I was reading the series Wheel of Time, it was 8:30 a.m. and yet I was not tired, nobody was in the house but me, and I looked at the yard that I mowed last evening, for my mom, all was beautiful and green and growing- the wind softly blowing past me gave me chills because of summer camp at Eberly Farms, where I had worked with deaf children, and how I had fallen in love with someone- to the extent that I couldn't speak. Then my thoughts turned, and the sun was rising, the sunrays tearing the horizons like a sky orb burning, and the sunlight hurt my eyes as it reflected off the book, so I decided to go to the store to get a few things for I was going to see a friend that day. So with the car keys I drove to the store, bought some gatorade and gum and candy, and drove back home, feeling entirely refreshed by the strawberry kiwi gatorade that I consider my favorite, and I was feeling very strong from the running I had been doing… but at that instant I felt a loneliness hit me, for I missed the laughter at summer camp and the kids who smiled at me and asked me questions. The last day, they had a dunking booth, and all the kids picked the volunteer workers they wanted to dunk, I chose the director of the camp to be dunked, and got her twice so it was pretty funny, then this girl comes up and says to me, "I am going to dunk you!" as I walked to the dunking booth and sat on that white board, laughing at her telling her that she couldn't dunk me… then I fell, and the hose water was so cold! But later in the afternoon the group goes swimming, I lose my left contact while swimming, then drive back home and in the mirror I check, and hit pure pupil while trying to find the contact, so back to the eye doctor it is! As camp is done, I feel a little down knowing there is nothing to do… so instantly I get on the computer play the game Might and Magic VII, and within two weeks, the game is done, I feel tired, my mind is spinning, my face is pale with weariness from the addiction, for I had nothing better to do, and I remember those nights I stayed up till 6 a.m. constantly playing the game without stop… thinking, "Why can't I get a job? My mom is moving, and I do not have enough time for a job…" I get addicted to Passions in Poetry next, a second addiction and I feel a little unusual because I have not run in a month, I have not socialized with my family much, and I have forgotten to call my friends; a beautiful summer turns tragic as I can not find anything else to do, then after leaving Passions in Poetry for a month, I feel full of energy and wake up early again but then I come to college on August 28th, and for two weeks I go to the Student Life Center everyday to run miles and play basketball with my friends- then fatigue hits me for two days straight I can barely walk without feeling like falling, and I take what I believe was a break, and start writing to Passions in Poetry again. All of a sudden the addiction reaches out and takes me by the throat and my body degenerates as I sit at the computer hours without end, weeks without end, I drift away from my friends and lose my consistent e-mail habits; now, another friend icqs me, asking me to get on UO, which is Ultima Online, an online role-playing game, where a medieval world is in the making- he is my long-time friend and he has found a great guild and asks me to come back to the game, so I say OK, I will try and see how I like it. Now, I am addicted to UO and not Passions in Poetry anymore… and this is the burning question… why are all of those addictions on the computer? I could drop this computer out the window and all my present addictions would be sabotaged, as the computer lies a electrifying heap on the ground; alas, my computer is required for school work because almost 100% of my English homework is done on a web site, and also I need e-mail and aim and icq to keep in touch with my family and friends. I am frustrated with the addictions, the addictions are those which require constant attention. I have two words: help me! [This message has been edited by Artur Hawkwing (edited 10-11-1999).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 Artur Hawkwing - All Rights Reserved | |||
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Your stream of consciousness style in this piece really takes the reader into your mind... as if I, too, am thinking these things, I feel as if I wrote this... no wait! I'm not in college anymore! What's going on here... isn't that ME sitting at that computer sometimes 'til 6AM not being able to get off and knowing I have to go to school... no wait! It's not school! It's work I have to go to! Damn. Nice job. Been there. Done that. Am there. Am that. Help you? LOL... how? The window thing might work, but then again, I have beaucoups bucks tied up in hardware and software and **** and how do you unravel the mind when it's caught in a web........... ?????????? |
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Artur Hawkwing Member
since 1999-06-30
Posts 444USA |
The web I am ultimately caught in right now is depression. My dedication to school has totally gone down the drain.... In high school I was a 4.0 student but this is my first year in college. I finally am fully independent but I am experiencing some serious anxiety, and this addiction is also part of the problem. It is draining me of my energy to do school work, and mental blocks are a routine during daylight. I cannot concentrate. That's why I had to put a "help" signal at the end of the poem. My mom is flying over to help me solve this...... I have a rigorous schedule... *shrugs* any idea what I can do about it? I find that being on UO late at night has changed my sleep hours greatly, and I have recently disciplined myself to sleep early. But for three weeks now I have had nightmares and bad dreams that have been ailing me. I know this is all about Critical Analysis. It is my perspective of the poem. LOL on the college/work part, by the way... no more college? It's all work and no party? j/k  *still considering the window option* btw I am glad I could give you some insight into what being like me is like. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
I suffer from depression sometimes, too.... so you have all my empathy and I do know what you're talking about. I also identified with the addicted to passions statement. I wrote a topic on this in one of the discussion forums....called "This is serious..." Don't know whether you caught it or not. What can you do about it? ummm... dunno.... maybe when you find out you can fill me in. Hang in there, huh? thanks for sharing dp |
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