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Critical Analysis #1

Infidelity's Knife

CA_Dreamer
Junior Member

since 2000-05-01

Posts 11
Iowa, USA

0 posted 2001-05-08 01:04 PM

           INFIDELITY'S KNIFE

Infidelity's knife is sharp,
   it cuts into my soul
   and the pain pierces through me:

It cuts out my heart,
   yet I do not die.
My heart continues to beat
   within its cold, cruel grasp.

My life slowly drains from me,
   yet I do not die.
I continue to struggle on,
   living, but not alive.

It shatters all my dreams,
   yet I do not die.
I can only grasp for a future
   that no longer exists.

It destroys my trust,
   yet I do not die.
The emty space it leaves behind
   fills me with fear and uncertainty.

It takes away my love,
   yet I do not die.
My heart still wants to love,
   even as my lover holds the knife.

(written in July 1999, inspired by the loss of 14 years of marraige.)

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

1 posted 2001-05-08 06:51 PM

Is that CA California or Critical Analysis?

Anyway, here are my comments:
-There is a sense of emotion in this work that gives it potential.
-The cutting out my heart, immortality, shattered dreams, empty spaces, et cetera, et cetera cliches will probably get you attacked in CA (Critical Analysis), so in the spirit of friendly advice, I would try to either rework this poem to include more original imagery, take a step back and try a more orignial approach, or take shelter immediately.
-Good luck and keep posting.

Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion.

Joricho
Member

since 2001-05-06

Posts 56
Australia

2 posted 2001-05-09 05:52 AM

CA, just to affirm what Kirk says, because this comes from the heart, it has potential. I think you came up with an image - the knife - which obviously expressed exactly what you felt, and that is worth sharing. I also appreciated the way you explored that idea in all its parallels.
I would suggest sticking with the image, but coming at things less directly. Maybe come at your experience through a more general reflection on watching someone use a knife, OR a reflect on infedelity that uses the imagery of cutting without directly making the parallel.

[This message has been edited by Joricho (edited 05-09-2001).]

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