»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Broken (Comments Please)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Broken (Comments Please) |
|
|
AliceInWonderLand New Member
since 1999-09-23
Posts 5Philadelphia |
*Broken* We are broken, into a thousand pieces, we took for granted the life we had. We are broken, we can no longer use our wisdom, and how can we say, we have our freedom? We are broken, and unforgiving, we always needed someone to blame. We are broken, and unforgiven, all of our souls will lie in shame. We are broken, we sacrificed, all we had, got all of our hopes up, and got nothing back. We are broken, and we all lied, to the ones who loved us, to the ones who tried to restore our pride. We are broken, and unreliable, could we ever come through for anyone but ourselves. We are broken, and relying, on someone to do the things we couldn't get done ourselves. We are broken, we just f e l l apart, and nobodies here to put us back together. We are broken, we lost something, that we can never get back again, and that is why we stay,...forever b r o k e n... ------------------ White Rabbits and tea sound good to me! .•*•.÷Alice÷.•*•. |
||
| © Copyright 1999 AliceInWonderLand - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Iloveit Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1121NM |
ok, not good at critiuqes, but to me the format of this poem is really distracting, breaking up a word into letters to me does not give it more impact, the impact should come from the arranging of the lines, and the other thing I think is missing is a reason, I mean you are the author and you don't have to put the reason for being broken, but it would pull the reader in if we could feel along with you.... |
||
|
KTrail99 Junior Member
since 1999-07-15
Posts 14 |
I like the use of repitition but I agree with llovit the breaking up of sentances and words is very distracting and takes the impact of the poem away from rather than lending it too the poem. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||