Untitled (Comments PLEASE??)

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Critical Analysis #1

Untitled (Comments PLEASE??)

Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

0 posted 1999-09-24 12:15 PM

And she said to me
"You're ugly."
I replied
"I know."
And she said to me
"You're worthless."
So I replied
"I'm sorry."
And she asked me
"How does it feel to be ugly?
How does it feel to be worthless?
Do you know your PREVENTING me
from making more friends?"
And I replied
"I'm sorry."
And she hit me
Punched me
Bloody nose
Broken teeth
And I said
"I'm sorry."
While coughing up blood and vomit
Spitting out fragments of loathing
And I let it happen.

But then he said
"I love you."
And my tearss ran plentiful enough to fill a lake
For I knew I was ugly
And wothless
I knew I didn't deserve him
But my heart betrayed me
I said
"I love you, too."
And I ran
Ran from the ugliness
The worthlessness
Ran from her.

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 1999-09-24 01:59 AM

SD,
This is a brilliant poem. It worked for me. Now, I think there are many problems but overall absolutely, well, brilliant.

More later,
Brad

Iloveit
Senior Member

since 1999-09-02

Posts 1121
NM

2 posted 1999-09-27 01:17 PM

very good portrail of how people "see" themselves through the eyes of another...hmmmm, was trying to think of a title
my titles are usually a line from the poem that has a particular accent on the meaning if it was me I think I would name it "and I let it happen..." letting someone abuse you and letting yourself run to another, it is the theme of both stanza's to me.....

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