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YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

0 posted 2000-12-06 06:43 PM

Finally I stand,
in the valley of the shadow
of myself.
Having burnt bridges crossed,
and disdained lines of care
lovingly extended.
I breathe the very breath of life
that bursts forth from the lungs
of infants frolicking in the park;
oblivious, they trod in fields of bliss
running parallel to this self built hell of mine.
I await a re-birth,
having already been twice dead.

[This message has been edited by YeshuJah Malikk (edited 12-06-2000).]

warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

1 posted 2000-12-07 10:23 AM

Yesh,

I must say this one puzzles me. You present the conflicting images and I know that you are saying others live, breathe as the speaker; that they are not in the same hell and the speaker doesn't understand why...but other then that I feel I'm missing something here...help me out?

Kris

All good poetry is the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings...~William Wordsworth

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

2 posted 2000-12-07 11:53 AM

Yesh,

Sometimes I know I can be a little slow but, since Kris didn't get this one either, I feel a little better now. I think I could use a little help here too.

Pete

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

3 posted 2000-12-08 01:16 PM

YeshuJah:

I'll take a shot.

quote:
Finally I stand,
in the valley of the shadow
of myself.

The allusion to the well-known Psalm is unmistakeable (substituting "myself" for "death", but, considering the remainder of the poem, I suspect that you intend to juxtapose "myself" with "death", rather than replace the one with the other). At first, the beginning lines didn't grab me but, after giving it more thought, your choices of words began working for me.

quote:
Having burnt bridges crossed,
and disdained lines of care
lovingly extended.

This gives us a bit of a personal look at the "myself" in the poem. For whatever unrevealed reason, the speaker has isolated himself (or herself) from meaningful, personal relationships.

quote:
I breathe the very breath of life
that bursts forth from the lungs
of infants frolicking in the park;

I had some trouble picturing "infants frolicking", but perhaps there is some meaning in your word-choice that I am missing. I can picture "children frolicking", "toddlers toddling", "babies crawling" but infants are not so mobile.

quote:
oblivious, they trod in fields of bliss
running parallel to this self built hell of mine.

I like these lines the most ... the irony of a life in ruin sharing the same park, even the same air, with children who are absorbed in the shear joy of running, jumping, climbing, playing, etc. I thought "trod" painted more of an image of moving with difficulty than you may have wanted to convey. I can see the speaker trodding but not the children. Unless, of course, I have missed the meaning completely.

quote:
I await a re-birth,
having already been twice dead.

These lines are a little unclear to me.  The biblical reference in line one suggests a spiritual death of some kind as being at least one of "two deaths" mentioned.  I suspect that this could be a "death" or separation from God brought on by sin.  Understood in this way, the "shadow of myself" serves as an acknowledgement of who is responsible for the isolation.

The other "death" could be the "death" of the life the speaker has sown for himself.  Not only spiritually isolated from a personal God, but also separated from human relationships and all that goes along with it (love, affection, companionship, a sense of fulfillment, pride in one's children, etc.).

What is truly tragic about the last line is that the speaker is "waiting" for re-birth and, at least as far as I can gather from the poem, is doing little (or nothing) to change those things that are within his power (taking strides to rebuild those bridges).

Don't know if I grasped it correctly but that is my understanding of what you wrote.  I liked it.

Jim

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

4 posted 2000-12-08 06:42 PM

Kris, Pete and Jim, thank you for reading the poem. Jim, you're pretty much on the money with your analysis. I agree with you regarding the word 'trod', I'll make that change, and I also agree with you regarding 'infants frolicking', that I will also change. I want you guys to know that this poem is very personal. I wrote it a couple of days after fighting with my wife. In a nut shell I grew up alone in the home of relatives who never showed me love. They give me food, shelter and an opportunity to get an education. But they never showed me love. As a result, I carry around an excruciating sense of aloneness. One which I've cultivated for years. I trust no one and look only to myself. Not to bore you good people but I have major problems... depression, anger, and a dreadful inability to feel for others.
Jim, I want you to know that your reply, especially about the last verse, came as a direct message to me. I guess there is still hope. I trod on.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

5 posted 2000-12-09 08:33 AM

YeshuJah:

Speaking from experiences not altogether different from you own, there is always hope. If you make a conscious effort to avoid repeating the mistakes that were made in raising you, you stand an excellent chance of having a happy, healthy family life. If I can do it, I'm sure you can.

Jim

YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

6 posted 2000-12-09 08:15 PM

Jim, thank you for the encouraging words offered. I appreciate that.

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