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I Gave Him a Choice
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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I Gave Him a Choice |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
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he looks at me from fading Kodak colors, his pose displaying confidence, surety, in eyes unblinkingly haunting, his name, below "I'll miss you" in the corner. so long ago now, it seems, when last I saw that face in flesh, there was no self-assurance then, nor hint of esteem in downcast eyes. he was telling me it was over, that college had changed him, that we were too different now (I was just a lowly high school junior). I knew the real truth behind this, and though it still hurt like hell, it softened the edges, because I knew it wasn't me. they had a hold on him, yet I hung on, too, hoping it was just a college phase, lecturing didn't help; I gave up, but I loved him as much as a sixteen-year-old could. at wit's end, I gave him a choice, "them or me", I'd said hesitantly, he walked away; came back the next day, with head down, told me he'd decided. he began with saying I was just a kid who didn't know what the real world was like, he had a lot of new friends, and was growing away from our love. I was very hurt, but moved on, soon forgiving his cruelties, holding just sorrow for a life thrown away, he was, after all, my first love. the last I've heard of him, he'd been sentenced to rehab, after claiming bugs were eating him alive, his new friends hadn't treated him very well. mia [This message has been edited by miapoetess (edited 10-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Mick Hawkes Member
since 2000-10-26
Posts 90Tees-side , England |
I liked your poem because i got the feeling it came from "inside"... the spelling , grammer or "ryme" become almost defunct.. you made your point and i thought you made it well... i bet you felt better when you finished it?... A smile a day helps you work , rest & play. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Seems like you were saying this was an unedited stream of consciousness writing...and you would be right. Funny how something from the past can come out so much differently than you imagine you feel about it and how the subconscious holds it. (His new friends were drugs, btw...amphetamines mostly) I'm glad you read and took some time to make a comment, too. mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hi Mia, I liked your poem, though sad, especially the ending. Just a few things..... his name, below "I'll miss you" in the corner. I think it might read better if you put the comma after below. they had a hold on him, yet I hung on, too, I'd remove the "too" That's all  and just my little opinions The ending was very sad  very nice Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Maree, Thank you for the helpful suggestions. Yes, it was very sad at the time, however, for both of us it was one of those painful learning experiences we all go through, and, hopefully, grow from. I think he did finally straighten his head out, not sure, but do hope so. Hate to see anyone waste their life. I thank you kindly for taking the time to read this, and to make your suggestions and comments. mia ...got to be somewhere better than in the middle...~Wallflowers |
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