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Critical Analysis #1
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no title ( a completely FICTIONAL account)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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no title ( a completely FICTIONAL account) |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
how dare you touch me with your hands can't you see that i can't move away i'm afraid you won't like me if i do so i just sit and look at you i thought it was okay to let you in couldn't hurt if i saw you again but i was a child at the time you made me think that all the guilt was mine did you smile when i would shake take all my innocence all you can take "don't tell a soul" were the words you said and you took my toys and bruised my head i never meant to make you mad can't you see that i loved you dad it was wrong don't you understand i was a little girl you were a man it was bad don't you know i was a good girl, i was so wake me up it's just a dream tear my throat with an incest scream damn it daddy why are doing this to me tell me how quiet i am to be it was wrong, don't you understand i was a little girl, you were a man as i said, this is completely fictional, just trying to see if i could portray those same feelings that anybody who had that unfortunate thing happen to. criticizism welcomed. ------------------ "Come night, come darkness, for you cannot come too soon or stay too long in such a place as this." Charles Dickens roxane |
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| © Copyright 1999 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Roxane, this is one of my few attempts at critical analysis so bear with me. There are some things you should know about me - I am not a scholar of poetic form so I won't be telling you your meter is off. I personally prefer capitalization in poetry where necessary but will not mention that in your poem as it seems to be your style. What I do know is the way a poem feels, so perhaps I'll stick with what I know in my reply. I found this very sad, but it didn't reach my heart totally. The line about the toys threw me off - I was confused if this was an abuse or incest situation. Later, you used the word incest, which I don't think a young child would know and as you've written it from the perspective of a child, it seems out of place. The rhyme didn't get off in the first few lines and the words used at the end of the lines are oft used words - I have a couple of rhyming dictionaries that I use when searching for a word that could be a little different from the norm. Or if you look in Announcements Forum you will find a link to a web site that offers rhyming words. I am so glad this didn't happen to you! I admire what you've done here - perhaps it will touch a responsive chord for someone who has been abused and be helpful to them. Thank you!  |
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