The Fallen Rose of Sharon - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Seoulman
Junior Member

since 2000-05-24

Posts 41

0 posted 2000-08-25 11:05 AM

Fifty years my tears
have flowed down the Han,
my dear,
and finally they have reached you.

Division made turbulent
children of the rose
but how those tears
washed straight away-
the hurt, the pain, the woes.

Speechless....
time has seen
our lucid petals wilt
as we grasp for recollections
from a past that was
our hell.

And once youthful faces
will now have lines,
and your ghost will
know doubt meet me,
in the dead silent memories
of our second heart-wrenched
leaving.

*the Han is the name of the major river that
runs through the capital of Seoul, South Korea.

*the 'rose' refers to the "Rose of Sharon", the national flower of Korea.

If you've followed what has happened between North & South Korea lately, you'll understand this poem, I hope!

[This message has been edited by Brad (edited 08-30-2000).]

JnR4eva
Member

since 2000-08-07

Posts 377
Bronx, NY

1 posted 2000-08-26 02:49 AM

Hi there I don't think I can say much about this piece being that I'm tired and that it really is a nice and lovely poem..sad though...the content is fine but perhaps you may see that word or two might be needed.......

Throughout the whole poem it is like reading a sentence, or rather a long thought straight through....but not on the second stanza.....

Division made turbulent
children of the rose
but how those tears
washed straight away-
the hurt, the pain, the woes.

That line seems to be like a staccato in music (choppy).. as opposed to a nice fluid movement of...

but how those tears
washed straight away-
the hurt, the pain, the woes.

So what does this mean...I would say perhaps putting in some connectives like...

Division made turbulent
for the children of the rose
but how those tears
washed straight away-
the hurt, the pain, the woes.

or

Divisions evoked turbulence
for the children of the rose
but how those tears
washed straight away-
the hurt, the pain, the woes.

Basically I guess I'm suggesting to change something within that stanza...also I'm a little confused as to whether this (the poem) is supposed to rhyme or if it is free verse?
Oh and this ....

And once youthful faces
will now have lines,
and your ghost will
know doubt meet {me,}
in the dead silent memories
of our second heart-wrenched
leaving.

if you perhaps got rid of me and made it into mine...i think it would give it a more dramatic feel...but i could be wrong..at least it rhymes with line though lol

And once youthful faces
will now have lines,
and your ghost will
know doubt meet mine,
in the dead silent memories
of our second heart-wrenched
leaving.

Great poem much respect.

"my love is my motivation
my love is my inspiration
perception of this poem
is your interpretation"
-- rlt

ladysixstring
Member

since 2000-07-27

Posts 374

2 posted 2000-08-27 10:10 PM

First, I found this fascinating. I really enjoyed it. Second, thank you for adding an explanation at the end. I wouldn't have known otherwise and yet still I truly enjoyed this before knowing.

I agree with the line variation... "know doubt meet mine" that was mentioned above. The original line didn't bother me at all but after reading JnR4eva's version I do think 'mine' adds just a bit more haunting reality to the piece... and I can almost see the ghost as they meet. Powerful image to end with.

Overall, I absolutely enjoyed this!!!

-jaimie

Website: www.ladysixstring.com

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-08-30 11:09 PM

Finished.

Hey guys, Matt's got some sort of TV interview right now and he's going to give them this poem - but he got the damn flower wrong.

Good luck, Matt.

Brad

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.