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Critical Analysis #1
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Jekeyll in Hyding
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Jekeyll in Hyding |
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BigPimpinSk8tr Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 17Chambersburg, PA, USA |
Jekeyll in Hyding The moon is white and ghostly; howling in its own, The things it brings to life are chilling to the bone. It’s there in the sky watching all the time, Across the black sky It’s evil aura silent as a mime. They say it’s made of rock, some say milk or cheese, I don’t really care Just Stop Watching Me! It’s all around my house; it creeps in my window, Bringing evil magic, but none will ever know. I pull my curtains tight and try to shut it out, But it always gets back in, creeping without a doubt. It makes me want to howl out loud, Underneath that darkness shroud. I feel my flesh crawl and my hands begin to shake, Evil growls from deep inside makes the whole house quake. Heat is rising up a painful, burning sensation, The moon is the curse of my eternal damnation. Nails grow long and hair grows down, Lips curl up to an evil frown. Long, sharp fangs and mutated shape, Not something seen on videotape. I thirst the blood of humans I think, Not quite insane, but on the brink. But all of this is no surprise, I’m Dr. Jekeyll and Mr. Hyde I hunt at night and hunt to kill, Not to eat, but for the pure thrill. Born of a magic evil and pure, It’s not a disease; there is no cure. Trust me I know I’ve tried everything, Now it’s the moon at which I sing. I have no control over these powers, Sometimes minutes or lasts for hours. I have no awareness or conscience to bind, It’s a soul that I must find. My soul was gone before my birth, I guess Satan got there first. I just can’t take one; it must be given, Or unless my curser is risen. But I know she’s dead because it was my mother, And I know it’s true that I don’t have another. I guess it could be my father, But he’s dead too so why even bother. I guess that it’s a fact not for me to know, I was meant to be God’s own private freak show. So I’ll continue to hunt like I always do, And howl at the moon, even when it’s blue. But all of this is no real surprise, Cuz I’m Dr. Jekeyll and Mr. Hyde. When those things go bump in the night, Is it me? IT JUST MIGHT! During the day I’m not real wack, So gimme a break, cut me some slack. I’m a normal man tryin a live another day, All I’m lookin for is a way for pay. I was a scientist and had my own lab, But I just got out of a drug rehab. When I started changing I got hooked on weed, Then moved on to acid, LSD. Now I work at a Quickie Mart, It ain’t much, but it’s a start. I sit on my butt and drink iced tea, Welcome to da Quickie Mart, Would you like a Sluuuurrpee? This sucks, and it ain’t worth it, I’m about to have, another fit. I went to high school, and Princeton too, With my degree there wasn’t jack I couldn’t do. Rocket scientist, no prob, High school teacher?! Wanna job? But I worked on my own, forget the rest, Me, myself, and I is how I work best. Now I’m this and in the hole, Until I hear that moonlit bell begin to toll. Then I turn into a hideous thing, Wait and see all the ruckus I’ll bring. Still all of this is no surprise, I’m just Dr. Jekeyll and Mr. Hyde. Inside of me is another dimension, When it gets free I feel the tension. I feel my muscles tighten, thoughts race through my head, I gotta do something before I end up dead. I gotta tell some one and I need to do it fast, My life is all I worry bout, my world already crashed. I feel power surging; he’s loosening his prison, For in this final hour the moon has sadly risen. I don’t know who will win, I’ll have to wait and see, For I must go to battle with the thing inside of me. The moonlit bell tolled and I refused to let him out, He threw his power at me, a bloodcurdling shout. He’s using all his power, throwing all his weight, This show of strength determines all my fate. As I struggle now I’m connected to his mind, I see all the things that have been lost behind. He’s a mad and vile beast, overwhelmed in sin, I’m not sure this is a battle I can win. I’m searching in his mind, what’s he trying to hide? The human soul he had has long ago since died. For a brief second I shut the door to his cage, But before it slammed shut he hit it with his rage. The battle raged on and we kept up on the fight, He couldn’t gain an inch, try as he might. My foot was on something, it felt like a wall, It was that thing that helped me not to fall. His method of attack he tried to alter, No matter what, I can’t even falter. Sweat’s breaking on my forehead and running down my face, There’s no reality; I’m between Earth and Space. My eyes are closed, teeth are gritted, fists tightly clenched, I feel like my soul is being ripped and wrenched. He uses evil magic to run memories through my mind, In hopes to distract me or to make me blind. I ignore temptation and concentrate real hard, He doesn’t know what’s up my sleeve, a hidden card. An ace of spades I kept in case I needed a break, Cuz it ain’t my soul that he’s gonna take. I pulled out a gun I had hid away, If I don’t do something than he will win the day. I put it to my head and a little on the side, For the world and my soul I committed suicide. It was a tough decision, but one I had to make, And so to my grave it’s the creature that I take. This entire story was no real surprise, Cuz I was Dr. Jekeyll and killed Mr. Hyde. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael J. Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi BPS, Sorry about shortening your name but I can't punch that many keys without a mistake  I don't believe I've seen your name around here before so Welcome to CA. Now, how I see your poem, but keep in mind, this is just one unimportant opinion. I have two quick observations. I always enjoy well written rhyming couplets but they can be quite tricky to do well and can easily fall into a sort of trivial feel. Usually with rhyming poetry, especially something as regular and obvious as couplets, rhythm plays an important part. Some sort of consistence or regularity makes it read and flow much smoother. Now this is not always necessarily so but I think it is much more difficult to write otherwise. Secondly, many of your rhymes seem forced. This makes some of the lines seem to not belong or even silly or trivial. (Sorry but I can't seem to find better wording for that.) Read it aloud and see if you understand what I mean. Read it to someone else and see if those lines don't stand out as wrong. Well, as I said, you are the author and this is JMHO so treat it as such. But I hope to see more from you soon and, again, welcome to CA. Thanks, Pete |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I enjoyed the first part about the moon quite a bit but I think you either simply lost control in a feverish moment of inspiration or so desperately wanted to turn this into a suicide poem (not a big fan of those). Take a look at this again - I'd say drop about the middle and the end and rework that moon bit without the supernatural element - it has some real moments there. Just an opinion, Brad |
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