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Healing Words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Healing Words |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Healing Words I remember words I have spoken in my life; Words that made me bleed and severed like a knife. Words of malice and hatred brought my eyes to tears, Ugly and vengeful words harbored for many years. I've been told a single picture is worth a thousand words and that I can know secrets revealed by a little bird. Though a thousand pictures can't buy back words I've said, Secret words held in my mind that a jabbering birdie fed. I Jump to quick conclusions without even knowing facts, I am my own worst enemy slinging verbal attacks. None hears my conversation between me, myself, and I as I forgive words I have said which caused my soul to die. -Robert E. Michaud Jr.- [This message has been edited by Lighthousebob (edited 07-11-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Robert E. Michaud Jr. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Nice poem Bob, have strong doubts that your soul is dead. I think it's probally alive and thriving quite well. your friend forrest |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi bob! i think maybe if you switched from present progressive (-ing words) to the straight present, you would get a much more engaging, active poem. i.e. start with "I remember words" also see if you can cut helping verbs (have, has, etc.) in front of the action verbs. it doesnt work for every instance, but sometimes you can nix 'em. and, i dont like "within" applying to your life, i think maybe just stick with "in" luv Elyse |
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jezz_micah New Member
since 2000-06-30
Posts 8 |
Hey Bob, I know that you may feel like your dead, although your really not... you may feel like there's nothing left to say or do anymore.. although there's always things to do and say... NICE POEM.... But just remember that no matter how sad, abused, cheated, or anything else you may feel your still here.... live your day's to the fullist because you never know when your last will be.... |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Bob, Nice concept and theme. Something most of us probably need to think about. I thought it was well carried out with the exception of 2 lines. "revealed by some little birds." and "it's just between me, myself, and I" both of which seemed a little cliched. Also, I think Elyse is right about the second line, "within" should just be "in." Oh, looking again, I think "revengeful" should be "vengeful" in line 7. Nice poem. Thanks. Pete |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Bob, I've walked in these shoes. They're quite uncomfortable too. The bright side: at least you know where you are on this. |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...Thank you very much for all of your responses. Forrest, As you know, the soul lives on forever... but, my soul feels dead when it requires forgiveness. Elyse, As you can see, I have applied many of your suggestions and I believe that it makes for a better piece. (poem) Jezz_micah, A very good perspective on life you have... Thank you for your spirit of encouragement. Sometimes, the hardest words to say are "I'm sorry." Not A Poet, I made some of the suggested changes... I was going to change the cliche to Me, Myself, and (I)rene, but the movie hasn't been our that long. I do realize that I am not very original at times. YeshuJah, Yes, having a comfortable pair of shoes to get where you're going is very nice... but sometimes going bare footed is the best of all? Bob <>< |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Bob ...think we've all been there at one time or another ...searching of the inner soul seems to be the theme in the forum at the moment, everytime I read something I just keeping thinking, if he/she thinks they're doomed then I'm definitely "screwed" I could use another word there but I think this one is less graphic  A thought to ponder: "The soul would have no rainbow, if the eyes had no tears of regret." I liked it Bob debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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