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My Petals
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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My Petals |
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Phoebe New Member
since 1999-09-01
Posts 2Singapore |
The below is my poem. Pls feel free to give me your constructive criticisms. Much appreciated. _____________ My Petals I would paint a hundred petals In hues of yellow and gray Their slender drop is gentle And leaks a fragrant dew I would paint a hundred petals All luscious full of vibes Their robust wings stretched out To touch the nocturnal skies I would paint a hundred petals Each one carved in curves Which would dance around in pirouettes To the whispers of the wind A hundred petals are all I need To paint a dream so real That as I touch and caress my petals They sweeten and warm my rose. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Phoebe - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Circe New Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 1USA |
There are some inconsistencies in your words, which could be shortened in the stanzas..which would allow for a more thorough flow of words. Stretched out..could be...outstretched.. "Dancing about in pirouettes.." leave out the..."the's"....and those little words that have little meaning..get to the real heart of your words.. thoughts are nice..message is clear..needs more work to fine tune..as with any new vehicle... ------------------ CIRCE |
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