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~Smile~
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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~Smile~ |
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jd22 New Member
since 2000-05-14
Posts 1 |
~Smile~ Welcome to the future... Witness my demise... The end has begum.. To the pits of hell... I shall fall.. In the devils inbrace... I'll be found.. ~ With gods ignorant stare .. I continue to stumbel.. Down the dark and narow path.. Faceing the problems... Of the damed .. The light of salxation, growing dim.. Welcome to my Nightmare.. Welcome to reality .. |
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| © Copyright 2000 jd22 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Hi JD and welcome to Passions -- Oh, my what a soul searching poem. I like it. And you have put it in critical analysis! We have an abundance of spelling errors.-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ~Smile~ Welcome to the future... Witness my demise... The end has begun.. To the pits of hell... I shall fall.. In the Devil's embrace... I'll be found.. ~ With God's ignorant stare .. I continue to stumble.. Down the dark and narrow path.. Facing the problems... Of the damned .. The light of salvation, growing dim.. Welcome to my nightmare.. Welcome to reality .. ----- There now---it certainly looks better --) netswan [This message has been edited by netswan (edited 05-15-2000).] |
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Snb4everm Junior Member
since 2000-05-15
Posts 38 |
Very interesting...kind of gloomy. Hopefully not your real feelings about life. That would be too sad. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to Passions I like the juxtaposition between the title and the content but, to be honest, that's about it. Are you sure you want to start off in this forum? It's up to you of course but I think this might get a better reception in Dark or Teen. I'll go no further until I hear from you. Brad |
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Grace Junior Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 19 |
I hope this is not how you really feel,it is very depressing.I'm hopeing the next one we see is up beat and really full of life and love. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
jd22-- i have to agree with brad here on the lack of content. why is the speaker falling into the "pits of hell"? did he kill someone? cheat on his girlfriend? tell a lie? this kind of vagueness is not "deep," it's just vague. it's not one of those poems that the reader can interpret many different ways; there is nothing here to interpret. what exactly are the "pits of hell," anyway? what are the "problems of the damned" (besides stumbling in the dark, i mean)? you don't give the reader anything at all to care about anything here, no reason to feel anything about the speaker or his vague and ill-defined "demise." and the spelling errors....wow. jenni |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
...problems of the damed... Makes sense to me!  |
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