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Critical Analysis #1
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The Haunting
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Haunting |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
I shall come to you by night shimmering white glistening bright revealed in darkness - shadows' light smashing dreams with fear's dread might dancing and darting on the edge of sight slow vengence exacted night upon night. I shall come to you by day, coldly gray sucking sun's rays everywhere and nowhere - a filmy haze thwarting smiles in oblique ways leading gently through a venomous maze opressing each breath during slow, dripping days. Who am I? you know my name you made me vein by jagged vein you fed me from the fruit of shame. The tree has turned now, not the way you planted. Its limbs stretch out for a new, sallow sun And the bark is dark. [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 04-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Let me take a crack at this if I may Elyse. You could have given us more than just toke-n hints though. It doesn`t have anything to do with brownies does it? As always a mystery. I very much enjoy your wide range of topics and please don`t be to mad at me if I tease you. forrest co-cain {please excuse the stutter} [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 04-28-2000).] |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
yes, in fact, i try to make every poem about brownies, at least in some way.  not sure what you mean by toke-n hints, but thanx for the reply  luv Elyse |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
sing to me. You write like I wish I could. Look forward to your next. Your biggest fan forrest oh yeah I was using toke to refer to drugs [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 04-30-2000).] |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Hi Elyse I don't know exactly what this poem is about, but who cares! I liked its music, I like the sound that the 'excessive' ryhming makes. I thought the first two stanzas were much more effective than the last two though. -Tim |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
There is a nice Blake-like sound to this poem. I would like to take a stab at it, though I must admit I am basing my guess mostly on this stanza: Who am I? you know my name you made me vein by jagged vein you fed me from the fruit of shame This stanza made me think of The Stone's hit and the chorus "Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name." Then the fruit of shame envoked images of the garden of Eden, vein (paired with a reference to venom earlier)made me think of a snake again. The ghost/spirit-like images in the rest of the poem also point to something supernatural. So I am thinking the speaker is the devil or if not Satan, perhaps a literal snake (althoug this makes less sense to me.) Kirk T Walker |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
yes! pile on the praise! i bask in it, i glow with it, i ... oh dearie me, was that out loud?   Tim, do you mean the last two are less effective at the rhyming? i very rarely rhyme, and my rhyme structure in this poem has a purpose, even when the rhyme drops. I wont tell what it is (where would be the fun in that? )Kirk - hey, look at that, my poem has religious undertones! that's certainly wierd. i was thinking more towards an evil ghost, or presence that haunts, but that stuff you said is good too. makes me sound deep from now on, i will let y'all decide what my poems really mean, you always come up with better things than me . luv Elyse |
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rene Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 113 |
glad you like praise, that's al i have for this one. i LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLOVE poems that sound spot-on, this is one, well don(e) now i'm gone |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
elyse I initially thought this haunting was about the destructive path of drugs and I`m still not sure I`m wrong . How long must we suffer before you enlighten us I`m going to feel pretty silly about all the snide comments I made in my first comments ie. crack, toke, brownie, cocaine. You may be way to clever. I hope so. forrest |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
E~ I liked this. Lots of nice images. My only suggestion would be to end it with perhaps one more sinister line? Example: The tree has turned now, not the way you planted. Its limbs stretch out for a new, sallow sun And the bark is dark. the noose lies ready for you. Don't know if this helps you or not. (I suppose if you lived in Philadelphia it might even rhyme, "the noose lies ready for youse." best regards, bboog |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
 thanx rene!ah, forrest, just gonna beat all my secrets out of me then? no, youre not far wrong, i was thinking about addiction-esque haunting, but nothing so glamorous (or hard core) as you thought. see, now you have to live with your disillusionment. bboog, i thougt i WAS bein sinister with the dark bark comment. i dunno, do you really think it'd be better to be that explicit? i was kinda diggin on the mysterious, supernatural aura of the poem. ill think about it. luv you all, Elyse [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 05-02-2000).] |
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