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Critical Analysis #1
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April 19, 1995
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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April 19, 1995 |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Please excuse me for having two active threads at the same time. I usually don't do that but this is a very special occasion. I'm sure nearly everyone realizes this is the 5th anniversary of the worst terrorist attack ever committed on American soil. This is my small tribute to those who lost so much, all civilized people everywhere. As a nearly lifelong resident of Oklahoma City, I am embarrassed to say that the idea for this poem only came to me late last night. I had to rush to get it out today, on the fifth anniversary. Therefore, I haven't had time to give it a proper rewrite. So it will have problems. Please help me any way you can to make it right. April 19, 1995 The lone Survivor Tree stands quiet guard, A chain link fence defends the sacred ground, Mementos left to lives forever scarred, Foreboding sense of death looms all around. Our fundamental hopes and dreams were shaken, The innocent, the babes, the frail, the strong, The hundred sixty-eight whose lives were taken, Extinguished by a zealot's deed so wrong. But Oklahoma City stood with pride, A model set for all to imitate, We won't succumb to terror, run or hide Subdued by such a senseless act of hate. We cover not with shame our solemn face But pride to consecrate this hallowed place. < !signature--> Pete What terms shall I find sufficiently simple in their sublimity -- sufficiently sublime in their simplicity -- for the mere enunciation of my theme? Edgar Allan Poe [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 04-19-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Pete: This brought a tear to my eye, Pete. I remember that day well and I remember the cloud of sorrow that loomed over the entire nation as we mourned together. This is a fine tribute to the memory of all who died, were injured, or lost loved ones on that horrifying day. Rarely am I touched in this way from reading a poem (the last time was after I read one of Blake's a couple months ago). I know you are always looking for constructive criticism but I am going to wait on that for now. For the time being, know that I think you've done the victims justice with this sonnet and that it moved me very much. Thank you. Jim |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, This is such a thoughtful memorial to those who were lost in such a senseless tragedy. My eyes welled with tears as I read, and I recalled that day vividly...parents desperately searching for their children, wives for husbands,etc. I cannot imagine the horror they must have felt. We all lost something that day (though it could never compare to what the victims' and their families lost), and I imagine the residents of Oklahoma City feel that much more than the rest of us. This was very well-done, Pete, and so thoughtful. I'm glad you shared it. Thank you, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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star 15 Junior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 26 |
Pete: you touched my heart and soul you made me rember the things forgotten. thanks star 15 |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
On that fateful (or hateful) day at 9:02, I had just closed the door of the elevator in my office bldg and started upstairs. There were 2 others onboard at the time. Just after it started we heard and felt the godawfullest explosion. We all instantly hit the floor, thinking the elevator had broken or something. When it didn't fall, we got back up then thinking our building had maybe blown up. Soon as we could get back to the ground floor, we went outside, where there were already fifty or so people. No sign of any damage anywhere. In less than 5 minutes the news was on television but all you could see was smoke still. And you know the rest of the story. My office was over 10 miles from the bomb but the explosion felt like 10 feet away. My daughter heard it at her home almost 30 miles away. I am ever thankful I didn't personally lose anyone but I feel like we all lost something very personal in that horrible tragedy. Jim and Kris, I'm glad you shed a tear with me. Thanks Pete P.S. Star 15, I didn't mean to snub you. It looks like you responded while I was typing the epic. Thank you for responding. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 04-19-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Pete, Can you write something based on the explanation above? I think that has the potential to be a powerful poem in its own right. The one thing that bothers me (although I liked the first few lines here) was that I don't see anybody, you seem too distant in the poem, trying to be too profound and lost the essential 'people' moment. Think Yeats, "Easter, 1916". Brad |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hmmm, interesting thought. Not sure at this point that I can follow through but will consider. I see your point about the distant feel. But as I explained, I was 10 miles away at the time. Also interesting that you liked the beginning. The first three lines were the ones which just came to me from nowhere. The rest of it I had to create and make fit. You are perceptive, my friend. Well thanks for commenting and if possible I will try your other suggestion. Pete |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Pete, I liked the idea and was grabbed by the sentiment. Suggestion: instead of: But Oklahoma City stood with pride A model set for all to imitate We won't succumb to terror, run or hide Subdued by such a senseless act of hate We cover not with shame our solemn face But pride to consecrate this hallowed place Maybe: But Oklahoma's spirit wouldn't die Folks rallied together against the hate We won't succumb to terror, run or hide Or forget what happened on this sad date. We cover not with shame our solemn face But consecrate with love this hallowed place Anyway, just thought that you might want to emphasize the "spirit of the people", and put less emphasis on "pride". feel free to use or trash it, as this is your poem, not mine. best regards, bboog [This message has been edited by bboog (edited 04-20-2000).] |
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