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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Putting on his shades, Dark colored things... It was an event; graceful, elegant epic. He took our breath with dramatic pause. Delicate cat boy. Tall and thin; Crossed the empty room... and almost filled it. Never looked back, forward was his direction. Must've had royal blood, in those tattered veins. He was king to us... had a lion's soul. Brought here by the road, and because it was there. We knew he was already gone. You could've felt the fire, as he passed. The one alive under his boot heels. Always on the move, Messed up on this or that... Chemical personality. Then he stepped finally to the door. Lit the last cigarette from behind his ear. "Later"... with his vampire grin. Hero split. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason L. Humphres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This is interesting but I get the feeling I'm missing something. If not, it seems a little unorganized. I don't think the indentations set off the time shifts very well and I'm not a big fan of the royal blood thing going on there (that's only my personal bias though). Still, you've got a stark image going here and the judgements are left tantalizingly vague. I like the 'vampire' grin thing going (unless he really is a vampire in which case we're just going to have to have a long talk on that particular sub-genre of poetry.  ).I was wondering if you might take the last two lines of the first stanza and move them to the end of the poem. Perhaps, this would give the ending a little more punch. Just some ideas, Brad |
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Ryan Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 297Kansas |
I like this as a tragic tale of one who loved life too much. I think of "On the Road" and the way Kerouac describes Neal Cassady when I read this. That said, maybe change the third indented stanza to begin "Brought here on the road" just as a nice little tribute/reference. Overall, this is a wonderful celebration of your friend's life (that may almost sound morbid, but from what I read, he sounds like someone who would want his life to be celebrated rather than his life grieved). Ryan I like too many things and get all confused and hung-up running from one falling star to another till i drop. This is the night, what it does to you. I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion. —Jack Kerouac |
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