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Critical Analysis #1
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My love is yours.....
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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My love is yours..... |
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indngirl2 New Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 1columbus |
This is my first time I have ever written anything like this so I pretty much didnt know what I was doing. Criticism is definately welcomed. My love is yours, Always and Forever yours Please take this love that I give you Don't lose it Don't take advantage of it Cherish this love that I only want you to have... as if it were yours... your own love that you have vulnerably and trustingly given to me And I shall take your love With all the past heart aches and breaks I will cherish it so And keep those aches and breaks below... The below that no one wants to reminded of or ever in their life experience again I hope and dream everday that you are the one who wants to take my love and keep it for yourself Treating it like you had always hoped and dreamed someone would treat yours. OH,Brian My love for you is so deep that I will Always and Forever want to keep. The feelings.... Oh the feelings that I experience everytime I am in your presence. Knowing that you are Always and Forever mine. MINE! All Mine! It's not just a feeling,it's an experience, a high, a completion. A completion in every way imaginable. Yet it brings an unimaginable rush, like a million tickles and needles pushing all at once. All of my sleepless nights have been rested. All of my busy day dreams have become a reality. Knowing that my life has only just begun Knowing I now have my Always and forever. My feelings.... are a realization of my true love for you. [This message has been edited by indngirl2 (edited 08-14-99).] |
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| © Copyright 1999 indngirl2 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
I like the message, I like the feelings expressed. I think though that this would have been better just as a work of prose. It reads like a narrative broken into some semblance of poetic form. ------------------ Dum spiro, spero JP |
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mister61 Junior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 41bergen county, nj |
I know the feeling - you put it into words very well. Small critiques: I don't know that the line "The below that no one wants to be reminded of or ever in their life experience again" is necessary; I think the previous line gets the point across. Also, would you consider ending it at "All of my busy daydreams have become a reality"? I don't know why - it just seems to be a good ending. |
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