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Open Poetry #50
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Who Am I
| Open Poetry #50 |
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Who Am I |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States 
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Who Am I By Paul Wilson When I look in the mirror what do I see Do I see the hollow person that i’ve become Do I see the reflection of a person wanting to be free Too afraid to take that first step to freedom The person i’ve become is a shell of who I was Reflection in the mirror stares back at me Teardrops falling down my face where a smile use to be It’s been so long since I was happy like I use to be My heart cries out for the love I want so bad But the love I yearn for is never to be had For just one day of happiness a lifetime I would sacrifice To smile and feel the warmth of love consume me Like the Sun on a warm July day Just to smell the freshness of flowers dressed in their summer best Who would paint the life I use to have The Sun begins its voyage to distant shores Bringing light to another world Stars resemble fireflies lighting up night sky Keeping their secret from prying eyes Darkness overcomes my mind once again The urge to change fighting with demons inside me Wanting to be the victor in this war Face in the mirror speaks to me once again Words have no meaning I can’t comprehend Wondering if I will ever be free from demons I close my eyes hoping they never open again Remembering the person I use to be Trying to forget the person I’ve become Let me be consumed by demons in my mind Tomorrow may hold the key to set me free Copyrighted 7-19-2020 Paul Wilson ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ Paul |
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| © Copyright 2020 Paul D. Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
Mirrors can be brutal sometimes. How much of what we see is real and how much is perception in an unanswerable question in my book. I have been where you are Paul, and this you know well. I took years longer to emerge from there than anyone prolly has a right to, but I have...and that gives me hope that you will to one day. I believe a person mourns to the same depth and capacity to that which they love, and in our cases I know just how deep that is. I know you feel you are not the same man, and to an extent this is true...but the man you are becoming is not a finished product yet, so it's still a lil early to judge him. He is still being purified in the fire of loss, Paul. I believe his chin will raise when the time is right for it, and his eyes will shine again. But that doesn't mean you have to hurry the stages it takes to get there. You are in my prayers, as always, my friend. Michael |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Michael...You are so right in many ways and I know it takes time That's why I should have never written this. To me it is garbage, but it is me reaching deep down in my soul for answers and I know there are none. I know I should not rush this.Thanks for reading...Paul About Bakersfield My cousin use to own a electrical company out there in the oil business he sold out to his partner the company was called EIU ( Electrical Instrumation Unlimited } I also had a old school buddy in Bakersfield back in the 90's his name was Michael Benton he owned a wireline company that worked on oil wells. Just thought I would mention this in case you ever ran across them ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ Paul [This message has been edited by Paul Wilson (07-20-2020 11:41 AM).] |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
I've seen this mirror. I'm sure it wasn't due to the same reasons you have faced it, but it's unnerving no matter what. This definitely shows a struggle. Whatever journey you are on I wish you strength and as much peace as you can get. "How much is real? So much to question |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
thanks for the powerful poem, "getting old" means contradictions that don't care young people, the wisdom has the company of the demons, i enjoyed your original thinking here, yann |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Temptress...Thanks so much for caring and for taking time to read...Paul Yann...Thank you for understanding and your honesty. One day hopefully all will be fine...Paul ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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augustsky Senior Member Posts 828 midwest US |
Poet Paul, My heart tells me You're Good people, & the Good will always win out. (((Hugs))) Sky~ Sometimes..Miracles are just good people with kind hearts~ |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Not sure I agree with all your premises, but then, I don't believe I'm 'supposed' to. Looking in the mirror, especially after realizing it's me looking back, various memories from as far back as I can remember (Ha!, re-reading what I wrote has shown the flaws in my memory - I totally don't know where I was going with this though!!) & I'm certainly not unique in that. Age is similar to having written a book that one does not realize one was writing, until it's conclusion is near. I love reading that book; much editing, though impossible now, would be done if I could - but then, editing decreases reality of such book and doesn't necessarily enhance. Could go on and on, of course, and, ahem, hope we all do for many more years. I guess the crux of this whole comment would be - would you do it again, no changes. Emphatically YES on my part. Would I enjoy not having changes, probably not if I knew what was going to happen before-hand - but is life with before-hand knowledge truly 'living'? I think probably not. Shutup, Jimmy! enjoyed your thoughs, my friend. j. |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
James...Not sure but I think you poasted your reply to my reply on your poem " Ignorant of The Years " here by mistake but that's okay. Appreciate your input. Take care my friend...Paul ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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Starmcneil 1955 Member Posts 174 Alberta, Canada |
Just remember you are the total person you have always been with a talent to touch hearts and souls around you...never desire to leave that for you would hurt so many that your words touch...your time will come and joy will come with it |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Star...Your words give me courage and hope that one day I will feel like writing again like before I lost the one person and desire that filled my heart with love, my daughter. I just sort of put this out there but really don't think it is very good. Just my heart and soul crying out for release from this pain...Paul ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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