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Open Poetry #49
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Behind a Closet Door
| Open Poetry #49 |
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Behind a Closet Door |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere 
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Tomorrow is another day I must wake up… Others need me to. They love me I know So here I go grinding through it again for them. As for myself, I’m weary. I can’t quite seem to look forward beyond one foot in front of the other. My smiles and laughter short-lived by a sadness that comes after. The pain in my heart long gone from my sleeve abides in my body now. The will to get better is just another guilt with which I am fettered. All my medication is just an indication of how broken I am. And if this is what it means to be stable then I guess I’d rather be able to feel worse by far if only to experience my old self again at the top of my spectrum; to breathe the air of expectation, to see the light of elation in my eyes once more. My hope is waning. I often see myself feeling like a balloon that is deflating, slowly shriveling away behind a closet door. LGR©9/27/15 |
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| © Copyright 2015 Lori Grosser Rhoden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Excuse me all to hell . . . Yep. Sit on your pity pot and have fun feeling sorry for yourself. ~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~ |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
I'm sorry my friend. I know my "dark" poetry can be hard to read. This one has been germinating for a long,long time. I'm not describing anything new by any means. I'm just lamenting my particular impotence. It is my pity pot and I can sit on it if I want. My sun will come out tomorrow...I'm just watching the clock and the hands don't seem to be moving. ~L |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Self-lamentation is often the most cathartic of poultices, my friend, as long as one hasn't gone off the deep end already and are no longer themselves, and you certainly have not done that no matter how deep into the shadows you try and paint yourself. Often, it also produces some of the best "dark" poetry there is, and no matter how esoteric the writer believes it may be, it always rings clamoring bells in the minds and souls of many who haven't, themselves, been able to put "themselves" into words. So, if this piece is from a "dark" place you are in, you've very nicely put it into words others can understand and empathize with while still allowing yourself the vision to see, feel, rationalize and understand there are many faces to life - even if they are not all a facet we want to see, or be a part of, in our own sphere of being. Congrats on a well written, wide-open piece that allows others to put their own souls into your shadows and gain from the cathartic nature of the write. That, by itself, should bolster your soul. jimmy |
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Ticklefingers Senior Member Posts 710 Louisiana |
There is a breeding ground for all types of poetry. Sometimes one can 'act' out their poetic performances in order to cross over from 'light' to 'dark' and even further along to the downright morbid regardless of how they really feel. On the other hand, your poetry came across as more conversational than any of that. If you can 'talk' about your feelings in this way (and obviously you can) with someone close to you over morning coffee (or any other morning preference), it would do your heart good. You clearly know what you're feeling and why. If I were a fortune cookie, upon opening me you might read, "You have given much to many, now leave your heart open to receive what the few wish to give". Hope you enjoyed the Chop Suey. 88's always friend. She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast". |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
JeryPat2! Shame on you! for erasing your first reply and being so mean spirited. You, who has written the Pity Pot Chronicles of your childhood and subsequent "lost years". I never told you to STOP writing your feelings because they were making me feel bad. Just because I wasn't able to send you back a big fat and fake smiley face to make you feel better is no reason for you to talk to me like that. There is no excuse. Even in hell. |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Jimmy, Bless your heart for understanding the bloodletting. I hadn't been writing much lately and that was the reason why...So I wrote about that. Now my ugly old balloon is out of the closet and I can feel things beginning to shift a bit. I'm wise enough to be scared of the dark and to know when to start whistling loudly in it. ~L |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Ticlefingers, Funny how the Universe sends you what you need. Acquaintances have lately been suddenly warmer and huggy and engaging me in conversation like never before. I'll roll with that...~L |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
I guess you won't believe it, Lori, but I am grateful things are looking up for you. ~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~ |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Of course I believe it Jerry, you are my friend. And I told you what was what because you are. ~L |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
fine writing...james |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Thanks James! ~L |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
"And if this is what it means to be stable then I guess I’d rather be able to feel worse by far" Better to feel pain... to feel broken... better to feel anything at all rather than to feel numbed to it all sometimes. I so can relate to that. Well written piece, Lori. You know I appreciate your walks on this side of the fence.  Michael |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
We re brothers in arms battling against the darkness.  ~L |
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luminosity Senior Member
since 2005-11-18
Posts 813 |
ah this is echos of my life...or should I say my husband, dr's apt after dr's apt maybe better, maybe not, so so stable pity or not? this is real, and well written...prayers on your behalf |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Bless your heart! I know it is hard on the spouses! For me, the worse part of this damn depression is that I know I'm not there for the people I love in the way I want to be and it makes me feel guilty and that makes me feel bad which just opens the dungeon doors. I think it may be harder for wives as depression in men most often presents as irritability. So prayers to YOU! ~L |
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