The girl who would be Daughter (Rework)

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Open Poetry #46

The girl who would be Daughter (Rework)

LivingConfused
Junior Member

since 2009-12-27

Posts 40

0 posted 2010-01-06 11:28 AM

(This is my first attempt at meter.  Never heard of it before PIP.  Any and all comments welcome)

Daughter I have never met you
Sixteen years without her
Let me tell you  I would like a redo

Now is the day
I am nervous
what am I going to say

We talk and it goes well
I didn't freeze up
I burst out of my shell

second conversation is great
Seems like we are fast friends
nervousness is gone like deadweight

In two years time
she may want to know who
I would not mind

Do I want to know the results?
Not on your life
I love her just the same

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2010-01-06 11:52 PM

Hi, LivingConfused (Love the name - ain't we all!). Welcome to PiP. I enjoyed your poem. I am not the best to offer suggestions for change as I am struggling to learn myself. I read to enjoy - but, if I come up with ideas for this poem, I'll share them with you. It's an interesting poem - and I look forward to reading more.

Alison

LivingConfused
Junior Member

since 2009-12-27

Posts 40

2 posted 2010-01-08 01:47 AM

Thank you Alison. I am learning more as I explore this place.

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

3 posted 2010-04-18 08:43 AM

I am glad that you are making an effort to write in meter. I must be honest. It is not easy. On this site, there is a place you can go to to get additional information about meter. I wish I could remember where it is exactly. I did enjoy your poem and I think you made a good show. Keep up with the good work.

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