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Open Poetry #46
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Butterfly¡¯s Farewell Speech
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Butterfly¡¯s Farewell Speech |
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Yuka Member
since 2010-08-19
Posts 71china 
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Perhaps I would then have gone just like when I came, being silence I will take away some black flowers The wind will clean up the road For grass the rain will sprinkle color fresh Again on the deserted road people will walk If you see by accident a butterfly after rain dancing in sunlight Don¡¯t disturb her please Peaceful happiness PS: This is my first English poem , I just translate it from Chinese that I wrote several years ago. So I hope every friend here can give some advice. Thank you. Yuka Chan [This message has been edited by Yuka (09-30-2010 05:50 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2010 Yuka - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Misty Lilacs Senior Member
since 2005-11-15
Posts 1060White Birch Forest |
This is so beautiful. I really liked it! Marti
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I enjoyed....and can offer no real advice except to continue..and to read.. you will I think see differences in the many kinds of poetry here as well as the way different poets use language.. Here, I like to think, we all learn from each other and I am sure we will also learn from you. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A hearty welcome to you, yuka, and this is an excellent poem. It is very easy for things to get lost in translation by switching from one language to another but I think you did very well here. "being silence" would be the only thing I would question . Note: If you would like advice or critiques on your work, go to your profile and select "yes" on encouraging critiques. Otherwise readers may respect your wishes not to receive any. Write on!  |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
Please continue to write in English and to take chances. Read as much as you can because it will make you a better writer. You have so much to tell us about your world. |
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
Welcome! quote: The language syntax structure in translation is charming, as is your poem. Personally, I would advise you to keep these words as you have translated them here. English is a flexible language, otherwise it would not have become so widespread (despite British world presence in the last two centuries). being silence = silently color fresh = fresh color through = along, down, or upon There, I shall disturb this butterfly no further, leaving it essentially undamaged. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Yuka, Welcome to Passions! Your translation is as fresh as a spring day, but you asked for some help, and you received it. I hope you will translate more of your poetry and enjoy your time here, among the blue pages. Please, check your Email for a Very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Yuka Member
since 2010-08-19
Posts 71china |
Marti: Thank you for your like. Hope you will pay more attention to my poems and like them. thank you. Capt Hair: Thank you very much. You¡¯d gave me great advice. There is an Chinese saying goes:¡° ÈýÈËÐУ¬±ØÓÐÎÒʦ¡£Little bit like ¡°among 3 people, there must be one can be my teacher¡±(sorry for cant translate it better) . maybe just like you said: we all learn from each other¡±. Hope someday I can do some help for every body here.  Balladeer: Thank you a lot. Thank you for your comments. You were right in that ¡°It is very easy for things to get lost in translation by switching from one language to another¡±, i quite know it , but still I want to put my translation in here to share with you all. And I hope do it better and better. Thanks for your remind, select ¡°yes¡±already. Thanks again Earl Brinkman: thank you. For your attention and great advice. Easy1: many thank to you. Your comment mean so much to me, I an really encouraged by you. Thank you for ¡°being silence = silently color fresh = fresh color through = along, down, or upon¡± . I really appreciate it. Anyway, thanks for your disturb and welcome Sunshine: hey Sunshine, so happy to see such a name. thank you for your welcome and comment. I will, translate more of my poetries and share them here with all,. Check my mail already. Thank you for your greeting. Again, thank you every one mentioned above. Thank you Yuka Chan |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Yuka, I love that you feel free to write on this site. that you translated to English for us. I do enjoyed your Buttery post. I also Like what you wrote in the later post: "among 3 people, there must be one can be my teacher" Thank you for sharing that. It is a true statement. latearrival/jo |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: Very beautiful! Welcome to Pip, dear Yuka! We are all in a way each other's teachers. You are doing well and you will improve. English isn't my mother tongue either, but I do enjoy expressing myself in this language, even if there are obviously limitations. I know I also needed encouragement in the beginning. Looking forward to your further offerings. Love, Margherita |
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Yuka Member
since 2010-08-19
Posts 71china |
Latearrival: thank you very much. Hope you keep on enjoyed. Margherita: thank you for you comment. And thank your for your encouragement. Just like you said, there are so many limitation for translating, but I also do enjoy doing it. Just so nice to come across you all here. Yuka Chan |
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