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Open Poetry #46
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Eldest
Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177
Alabama

0 posted 2010-06-24 11:17 AM



I found her on my way to the dumpster, a brokenhearted rag doll, just lying there.
She was dirty and well-loved
but I could tell she was heartbroken because she was discarded.
Once she knew all her little girl's secrets, heard all the dreams she poured out.
Once she absorbed all her tears and kept them to herself.

Now she is alone, abandoned, lost.
How did she get here, so far from home?
Was she discarded, like the dreams she listened to?
Was she stolen, like the innocence of her little girl?
Was she lost, like all the secrets she kept?
None of that mattered anymore, her heart was still broken.

© Copyright 2010 Eldest - All Rights Reserved
Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
1 posted 2010-06-24 11:29 AM


Now this tells a story. That my lady, is poetry.
Bastet
Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246

2 posted 2010-06-24 11:33 AM


"A poet is....a person who deals with the truth as he sees it, who writes about those special moments in life which have given him excruciating pain or joy." Judith Minty
I think this must be a moment that gave you pain.The doll is a great vector of your poetic voice.

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
3 posted 2010-06-24 11:10 PM


there is a story inthe smallest things. good work latearrival
easy1
Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA
4 posted 2010-06-25 03:14 AM


The words touching and poignant are overused, but here they are alive and vibrant in your poem.

And what are we except beloved spots of color upon this earth, only like in ten-thousand or so more dimensions?

Lamar Cole
Member
since 2009-05-01
Posts 274

5 posted 2010-06-25 03:26 AM


Very touching.
LindsayP
Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria
6 posted 2010-06-25 10:16 PM



That is a very sad, touching story dear Lady

but you really wrote it well. I loved it.

A big hug for this one.

Lindsay

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan
7 posted 2010-07-01 01:34 AM


This is a lovely tale as mentioned.  If I may mention, in Japan when children out grow their dolls and teddy bears the toys are brought to a temple to be burned.  I guess one of the reasons why is that parents feel that this was an item that their children  loved and for it to end up being discarded like the rag doll in your story would be unkind.  Also animism is a stronger force over here.
Eldest
Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177
Alabama
8 posted 2010-07-01 08:48 AM


Thank you all for kind comments.  
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

9 posted 2010-07-01 02:02 PM


Eldest,
The back story to why something is where it is or a person is doing what they are, is often the inspiration for poetry or novels. I think the importance we place on objects associated with children or our own memories can be very good fodder for the writer.
I enjoyed this... and you leave the reader with a lot of questions which in some sense you point towards answers. I wonder.... how you would build the back story for the rag doll...

on a seperate note, the metaphor of the rag doll with a broken heart fits well to someone who has been "discarded" by another or society...and the piece could be construed as a statement of the writers own loss or their observation of loss in ones they care about..


Eldest
Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177
Alabama
10 posted 2010-07-06 03:43 PM


Thank you, Cpat, I will think about the "rest of the story" as Paul Harvey would say
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