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Open Poetry #46
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The Lorelei
| Open Poetry #46 |
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The Lorelei |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now 
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I wrote this a long time ago, when I was practicing a ballad =) . . The Lorelei (no! no relation to the `Lorelei` from pip!)  lol. . . The watery hills were wild with froth stirred by a recent gale, rolling their echoing stones on the strand; the eastern skies grew pale. Lorelei wandered among the debris, the legacy of the storm, searching the shipwreck for her beloved, hoping to bring him home. Below, nearby, beneath the hiss another male heard her cry, caught by a strange and listening ear, a pallid and bulging eye. . . Who can know why the sea-folk arise from their wavering chambers below? Today on this restless, slate-grey dawn, a lonely mer-man came close, drawn by the plaintive call of the girl, rising nearer to shore than ever, he peered through the curtains of heaving foam at Lorelei, seeking her lover. Just close enough, she spied his shape, the man-shadow in the water, with heavy wool skirts made leaden by wet she waded eagerly after. . . Still on, and on, the shade drew the girl deeper into the swell, her heart beat quick, her eye brimmed bright with fear, and hope as well, until the heaving horizon claimed the shape of the drowning girl, beneath the violent white above, into a silent swirl. Submerged within a murky gloom, down through the greening light, drifting in lazy circles, she fell toward the blackest night. . . Along the chilling, watery depths, an angel upside-down, her wheaten hair a graceful swirl, a sweeping and fading crown. And as the light left her emerald eye the final sight in her view, was of a stranger, born of the sea, of pale and marbled hue, with hair as white as the breaker`s lace, and eyes with a herring stare, and beyond his sinuous waist: legs that never were there! His mer-man form was glorious, finished in sparkling scale, twisted and strong, lashing and long- a shining green fish`s tail. . . And mortals who walk beneath the sun in the freedom of open air, can never suspect all the mer-people`s tricks or the strange magic brewing down there. For they say that he brought his Lorelei home to his bower beneath the blue, taking then giving a life for a life, and she lives now, a mermaid, too. . . And after the snarling storms toss the ships, hurling their treasures ashore, it`s then if you listen above the cruel wind and over the breaker`s roar, you`ll hear the sad song of a maiden who longs for the love and the life that she left, but don`t listen too long, or you too, will belong to the mermaid whose singing means death! |
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| © Copyright 2010 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
This is superb. Needs to go back to the top and be read. |
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
Thanks, Toerag. ... This is a good ballad from a very good wordsmith. I enjoyed reading the original descriptive phrasings in a regular meter that just draws one along! |
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
OH.... very nicely wrought...brings me back to middle earth in a way....I'm completely fascinated with this! |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thanks, guys.. felt a little silly after posting it, since it`s not my style.. but sometimes I enjoy trying out forms.  It`s an oldie.~Amaryllis |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
A-mary...ya got to change into other uniforms from time to time just to avoid tan lines grin...cool tunes in this one. |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
nicely told .... I don't know squat about ballads or form so can't speak to that techincally. I can however see a good story here...and enjoyed it. Between Belle in Middle earth and Dark worried about tan lines, I'm not sure what sea to sail....so I'll just say, nicely done.... |
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