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byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

0 posted 2011-02-26 01:24 AM

To stand still in such a wonderful grace my soul escapes my body only to return the next and tell me stories filled with such gratitude that in a world of infinite possibilities I was able to experience this one.

Unorthodox maybe, but I grow on you.

Spiros Zafiris
Senior Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 982
Canada

1 posted 2011-02-26 05:51 AM

..i think i understood it and enjoyed..why don't you try writing it down the page, say,
using 9-11 lines instead of just 3..>spiros

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2011-02-26 09:46 AM

Gratitude is a most blessed state to be in.

Enjoyed this.

Love,
Margherita

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2011-02-26 07:00 PM

quote:
To stand still
in such a wonderful grace
my soul escapes my body
only to return the next and
tell me stories filled with
such gratitude
that in a world of
infinite possibilities
I was able to experience
this one.

Dear Byski,

I set out your poem above not only because it is a great set of words, but also because you encourage feedback, and this is what a former mentor/friend/poet taught me...

hit upon your key stanzas, break the line properly, whether you do, or do not, add commas or other methods, like photography.

While it is all "just for fun" as you state? What is here, stays here...and I do believe you've got a great future as a writer/poet!

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

4 posted 2011-02-27 10:02 AM

Ididnotseeanythingamisswithyourformatnicework

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

5 posted 2011-02-27 10:17 AM

Write it as a poem, it makes it easier to read and the impact is much better.

~ Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks ~

byski
Member

since 2006-01-26

Posts 235
Alberta, Canada

6 posted 2011-02-28 12:02 PM

LOL! Thanks for the feedback everyone. Yes I do see the point of breaking up the lines, the way sunshine has it looks much better and makes a bigger impact for sure. I wasn't thinking about it to be honest, I just wanted to put it out there, looking for more of a response about the meaning more than anything.

As always, thanks Margherita. Love to hear from ya!

Unorthodox maybe, but I grow on you.

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