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Open Poetry #45
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rachaelfuchsberger
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since 2007-02-21
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Las Vegas, NV

0 posted 2009-07-01 06:34 PM


I had a big epiphany
And I think I can conquer it
That mysterious meter thing

My mind is a cacophony
For inside the light bulb has lit
And to the forefront I can bring

Teeming with words of symphony
The work through which my teeth have grit
So I can have words and rhymes sing

Maybe works like “Mony Mony”
Will come out when my words are writ
And my hands will no longer wring

Now here before me is something that I ought
In younger days to have already caught

Arana Darkwolf

© Copyright 2009 Rachael Fuchsberger - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-07-01 06:45 PM


Yo dear Arana,

Bring on the mony Honey.  You've got the right idea.

Love Bobby

rachaelfuchsberger
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since 2007-02-21
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Las Vegas, NV
2 posted 2009-07-01 06:51 PM


Thank you, Bobby. I was looking at Balladeer's latest lesson in the Poetry Workshop and I figured it out by the way he described Iambic pentameter. I was sooo thrilled with myself that I wrote that poem in a "meter" of minutes!

Love,
Arana

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
3 posted 2009-07-02 12:37 PM


wellll....

Lines 3,4,7,9 and 10 are not iambic.
Line 13 has three syllables too many.

Keep working at it

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
4 posted 2009-07-02 01:00 AM


Rachael,

Meter has been a struggle for me.  All I can say is don't give up.  Good effort.

xoxoxo
Z

rachaelfuchsberger
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2007-02-21
Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV
5 posted 2009-07-04 01:26 PM


grrr....I'll get it yet.

Arana Darkwolf

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