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Teen Poetry #9
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Unfinished
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Unfinished |
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Ravagence Member
since 2009-08-16
Posts 79 |
I know my previous few poems were really bland and sort'a sucked. But I think this one is coming along. I need a name and I want to know if you guys and gals want me to continue the poem? Outreached arms, with Screams of terror. Loss Children, Mothers, Fathers. PainSuffering, and Loss. Soldiers hauling, kids and supplies away. Their houses, burning in the midnight. Gunshots ringing through stale air. Peace disturbed by those bloody, screams. Soldiers guarding their hostages at gunpoint, Tears running down their Emotionless faces. Sorrow passed around the hamlet, Doleful; Melancholy; Depressed. Bland colours, blood red sheets, severed lives, and dirty feet. An unfinished story, of a little villa, ripped apart by the devil's clutches. Cut off in mid sentence, by a serrated blade, coated in venom. Pages torn voraciously from previous chapters, It's history stalled. **Edited twice. First two OTHER comments are for the old edits. [This message has been edited by Ravagence (12-18-2009 07:02 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Ravagence - All Rights Reserved | |||
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m48 Member
since 2009-12-02
Posts 108 |
structure, it lacks smooth change from one verse to the next. and as far as tittles, "a day in the life of war" |
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Ravagence Member
since 2009-08-16
Posts 79 |
I was under the impression the "lack of smooth transitions" added to the ugliness of the poem. Could I be wrong? |
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