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Teen Poetry #9

Dont Be Suprised

stacylynn418
Junior Member

since 2009-03-06

Posts 40
new york

0 posted 2009-03-24 05:58 PM

Hold onto something that isn’t there,
While he is sitting, unaware
Of all the feelings you’ve elected to hide;
Of all the sentiments you keep sheltered inside.

And don’t be shocked when he’s gone.

Convince yourself that he isn’t trying;
That he is the reason your heart has been lying.
Blame him for the things he refuses to say,
While still holding on to your yesterday.

But girl, you’re the one that is wrong.

Keep expecting him to read your mind,
Hoping it will work this time,
And assuming that he is just like you,
Never wanting this to be through.

And never complain he's moved on.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-03-24 07:03 PM

Welcome to Pip!!
This poem was pretty good.
Only comment though is the lines in between your stanza's sorta broke the flow in it.
Just my two cents.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-03-24 08:13 PM

Yeah, I like this, but the lines in between your stanza's, I think, didn't work so well. Maybe if it was a refrain, repeating a line, like your first single line stanza,

"And don’t be shocked when he’s gone."

If you replaced the other's with this line, it might sound better.

Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved.

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